Sep 03, 2021


A highly unhelpful guide to Finals Week Two


The only guide to the round that admits it’s completely unhelpful. What it lacks in insight, it makes up for with wild theories and detours onto unrelated topics. 

It’s your unhelpful guide to Finals Week Two.


Second semi-final

Geelong vs Greater Western Sydney (OS) 7:50pm Seven/Fox

Geelong’s finals campaign started about as well as Mal Meninga’s political campaign for the electorate of Molonglo. There’s a danger it won’t last much longer.

With so many Cats players barely touching the ball against Port, Chris Scott’s hardest decision was how many players he could drop and still field a side.

In the end, Luke Dahlhaus and Sam Simpson got the chop, while Shaun Higgins was ‘managed’.

There were more than a few who got lucky not to be dropped, or perhaps like in the Power game, Scott couldn’t find them to tell them they were dropped.

The Giants got across the line against the Swans, thanks partially to the Swans kicking for goal being about as accurate as my tipping.

It was a costly victory, however, with Sam Reid and Tom Greene injured and of course, Toby Greene being suspended for the rest of the season.

Toby Greene has been fined or suspended twice in 2012, once in 2013, twice in 2014, twice in 2015, once in 2016, five times in 2017, twice in 2018, three times in 2019, once in 2020 and twice in 2021.

Now that to me appears to be a pattern. But still, Toby’s just unlucky and/or there’s a vendetta against him.

In the end, it’s his teammates who suffer having to go up against a Geelong side that looked old and tired last week but has some form with bouncing back.

I’m tipping the Cats.


First semi-final

Brisbane vs Western Bulldogs (G) 7:20pm Seven/Fox

There’s nothing like meeting Essendon in a final to turn your season around, and after three straight losses, the Bulldogs welcomed it like a kid allowed to legally go to the playground again.

Yet despite the win, there are still question marks around the Dogs, such as ‘can the umpires lift for them again?’

Brisbane have questions surrounding them too, like ‘can you win a final with just Charlie Cameron and Lachie Neale playing?

Last week they seemed truly confused about how to go forward against Melbourne and the loss of Daniel McStay doesn’t really help things up forward.

At least they now get a home final, an event rarer than sensible debate in this country.

Imagine being able to go and see your own team? To think that was something we all used to take for granted. Why, some of us used to even not go, or leave early.

You could even decide to go at the last minute. Life was good and we didn’t even know it.

Such fools we all were. We were living in paradise and didn’t even know it.

When this is all over, I’ll never take for granted being able to go outside and see other people, something that used to fill me with dread in the past.

I’m tipping the Lions

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Fat Side

Sep 03, 2021

All the pedants constantly helping you with your spelling must have seeped into my psyche.
I read that line as - "about as accurate as my typing".

Kafka’s Ghost

Sep 03, 2021

Only 3 more weeks of your insightful columns to go, Titus. Once the season is over we’re reduced to reading people with far less insight, but waaaaaaay more opinion. I blame them for the intellectual malaise that is summer.
Perhaps you should start up a column about trading/drafting/AFL rumours? It’s be so much more entertaining than anything anyone else writes!

Bert Bystander

Sep 03, 2021

Something missing this week , Titus. You forgot to bag Hawthorn. Expect you'll make amends next time.


Sep 03, 2021

Titus insightful, incisive and most amusing. Got Franco Cozzo's mob down to a tee, 'can the umpires lift for them again', just like Chairman Mao on the Long March expecting a sedan chair ride all the way.


Sep 03, 2021

Must feel like normal service resumed - putting together a guide to a week of finals and no need to mention Melbourne. Unfortunately, that'll just make the shock next week all the greater.


Sep 03, 2021

One thing I will miss is the sobbing of Essendon supporters who still haven't worked out that if you kick no goals for an entire half of footy, you will lose. Umpires didn't play any role in their loss.

Running Dog

Sep 03, 2021

With a nod to Fat Side I have to point out another typo. Surely when Titus describes the non-selection of a player on the basis that he is being 'managed' there's meant to be a space between 'man' and 'aged'. Still on the 5:37 to Pedantic City, I noticed there's no full stop after "I'm tipping the Lions" Maybe Titus had to leap from his desk, as though suddenly possessed by demons, because the complete sentence is "I'm tipping the Lions to enjoy fool's paradise so much they'll decide to McStay."


Sep 03, 2021

As a Crows supporter, I was pleased to read your Eddie Betts comment 👍. And I still love Eddie, even though he played for Carlton..


Sep 03, 2021

Big fella. Pretty good reporting on last week's games. For this week's tips I have no idea between the cats and giants. Before last week's demon lions game I was as nervous as a fat bloke at a 15.00 sit down buffet. Anyway with us having the bye this week no nerves till we know who we play next week. Still time to get on the DEES train and ENJOY the ride. GO DEES.

Atrocious Conditions

Sep 03, 2021

I went to school with a Pedantic. His full name was Zdravko Pedantic, although it was pronounced "pedantich".

The g train

Sep 03, 2021

The rather long listing of Toby Greene’s misdemeanours only further proves there IS a vendetta against him (as Titus correctly alludes to). It’s not right. It’s got to stop.

Brisbane vs Western Bulldogs (G). Given that this match is played at Prime Time on a Saturday evening and Titus has declared it as (G) rated, then presumably Charlie won’t be allowed to double throttle his scary imaginary motorbike? It scares the hell out of my kids—but at least this time it should be safe for them to watch Brisbane play.

Saint Peter

Sep 03, 2021

I totally agree that there is a vendetta against Toby Greene. How many times can players get away with putting their head or eyes into Toby's elbow or fist or fingers or under his boots or getting in his way when he only wants to get to his 3/4 time huddle. These people must take ownership of their actions & the AFL must make them undertake counselling to rectify their deliberate actions trying to take Toby out of the game. We all know the game is better when Toby is allowed to do whatever Toby wants out on the field.

Dogs the best chance for an upset this weekend.


Sep 06, 2021

If someone was walking towards me while speaking to me, and obviously had somewhere to be, I reckon I'd spin and walk with them to continue the conversation. Not just stand there and wait for the inevitable collision. But I'm not surprised that the sort of bloke who would take up umpiring has no social awareness at all. Anyone but Toby would have got a stern talking to from the tribunal and a "best of luck in the finals".