Jan 19, 2021


A letter to tennis players in lockdown


Dear freedom deprived tennis players,

I’ve heard you’re unhappy about being locked in hotel rooms for a few weeks, and it does sound less than ideal.

If someone suddenly locked me in a hotel room for a fortnight, I’d be furious.

I, therefore, thought it would be worth letting you know the reason why you’ve been locked in a hotel room for two weeks. I do this to prove to you that you haven’t been cut off from twice a week hairdresser appointments for no reason.

It’s a thing called a global pandemic and let me tell you, it’s been annoying for a lot of people, not just tennis players. In fact, for 2.04 million people across the globe it’s been a lot more than annoying.

I can only assume many of you are unaware of the dangers of Covid19, due to you coming from places like Europe and the United States where governments have managed the pandemic so well.

The thing you need to understand is this virus spreads faster than you can imagine. If one person has it, soon the majority of people around them can have it too, just ask Novak Djokovic, a global expert in spreading the virus.

It’s this fast spread and threat of death that has you in your hotel room.

I know it must feel like no one understands what you’re going through, but I promise, Melburnians do have some sense of it.

We went through a few lockdowns this year, including one that lasted three months.

It was a dark time for all of us, and weirdly, we’re not too keen on risking that happening again, even for a tennis tournament.

Our long lockdown also means we look at your two weeks in quarantine much like a marathon runner looks at someone walking from the couch to the fridge.

Sure, I get after two weeks you have to play tennis and we didn’t, but we had our own problems with conditioning. During my three-month lockdown, I spoke to no adults face-to-face, then I was suddenly allowed out and I wasn’t conditioned for social interaction.

My first interaction went like this:

Shop assistant: “Can I help you, sir?”

Me: “Hold me.”

Shop assistant: “Please stop sobbing sir.”

So, while I get you’re in a tough place, sometimes it’s worth figuring out what people other than yourselves have been through or are currently going through, and realise that while your situation is not perfect, you’re not going through one of the greatest injustices of human history.


Titus O’Reily

P.S. I know many of you aren’t complaining, and I thank you for your self-awareness, a rare commodity these days.

My book Cheat: The Not-so-subtle Art of Conning Your Way to Sporting Glory is out now.



Jan 19, 2021

A great letter.

I am in WA & I feel for Victoria.
Why did Govt's let this tournament happen?

I hope Covid doesn't breakout in Vic again.

Tennis should be canceled.
All the best Helen

Neil Starkey

Jan 19, 2021

Could not have said it any better myself. Who do they think they are?


Jan 19, 2021

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Garry Irwin

Jan 19, 2021

Not many words, Titus, but to the point. They get paid millions for trotting around a tennis court. They should live the lives of the common man sometime and see what Melburnians went through. I am from NSW but I would not have wanted to go through that. Well done every Victorian.

Go Pack Go

Jan 19, 2021

Dear Helen, if the tennis had been cancelled we would potentially lose the tournament forever.

Other countries have wanted a grand slam for a long time.

We don't want to lose it. Tennis must happen.

You're welcome.

Brett M

Jan 19, 2021

Well, that it the mark in terms of words and tone.
Perhaps the Vic Govt can slip a copy under every hotel room door? Would be a worthy use of government funds.

Tony Robb

Jan 19, 2021

There is also the gripes about the better players receiving preferential treatment. Here is a suggestion. Try getting better then you earn more and you can buy lots of stuff and people will recognise who the f$#k you are you harping turds.


Jan 19, 2021

'Novak the global expert at spreading the virus' pure gold.

This pandemic has really put the spotlight on the shittier side of some people's character & I'm pretty sure we won't forget.

They deserve to be called out & shamed.

Mark Smith

Jan 19, 2021

Ummmh, I have no issue with staying in a hotel- luxury. Ive used the free shampoo and they even have conditioner and a free bible! Cheerio Ken Rosewall


Jan 19, 2021

Totally nailed it Titus. Couldn't have written it better myself. We've been through so much in Melbourne and we don't want self-entitled people from countries that don't seem to care about their people or people who believe covid is a govt. conspiracy coming here telling us how to do it.


Jan 19, 2021

In this day and age it's incredible that Tennis is still considered a sport... To expect its 'participant's to be across reality is a step to far Titus!

Bernard Weekes

Jan 19, 2021

Brilliant letter.
Should be cancelled.

.....Walk a Mile

Jan 19, 2021

Well expressed Titus, some of them are fair dinkum princesses. They should be in the same hotels as the Medivaced refugees from Manus and Nauru who've been 18 months in rooms with sealed windows and no known release date. Maybe then they'd see just how privileged they really are?


Jan 19, 2021

Hit the send button Titus.
You tell them and their overwhelming sense of entitlement

Paul Roberts

Jan 19, 2021

2 weeks for a guaranteed $100k, not bad really.

Alan H

Jan 19, 2021

I wish I had some hair to wash, skin just needs scrubbing.
We did the full lockdown thing, but it hasn’t ended. Now not willing to go out in fear of wasting the months of iso!
Stay safe all!

Laurie duncan

Jan 19, 2021

Well said Titus but you must have sympathy for Bernard Tomic’s girlfriend who has never had to wash her own hair before! It’s not traumatic enough to be mixed up with Bernard she has to wash her own hair and dishes! Poor woman. Her trauma doesn’t finish there though as there is only one toilet in their room!

SOAP (Son Of A Plugger)

Jan 19, 2021

Dunno, Titus. We’ve all got a bit of “complaining” within us. Even just today I was complaining that my bottle of Coke No Sugar had a bit less fizz than usual.

The perfect happiness and consideration of elite tennis players v. the compromising of a nation’s health and freedom. Line ball.

Tony West

Jan 19, 2021

“ Our long lockdown also means we look at your two weeks in quarantine much like a marathon runner looks at someone walking from the couch to the fridge.”

Gold. Platinum even or whatever is better than gold.

Tony Horn

Jan 19, 2021


Jane Graves

Jan 19, 2021

"If we don't hold the tournament some "Asian Country will". Lame excuse and fear mongering for not cancelling. I seem to recall the AO last year was put back a week because Melbourne was also hosting an ATP event. We have great facilities, it will be held here again. The AO people are worried about NO MONEY coming in. It's always "follow the money". BUT where will the crowds be? Melburnians ain't that keen on large gatherings especially when there are dubious characters not wanting to wear face masks from COVID +++ countries loitering around.

bluesman macca

Jan 19, 2021


Adam Goldberger

Jan 19, 2021

Nailed it. Onya Titus.


Jan 19, 2021

Nailed it Titus, true and hilarious


Jan 19, 2021

When you find yourself agreeing with Nick Kyrgios then they must be out of line. I would be happy to go into lockdown for a minimum of $100k!

WA Bogan

Jan 19, 2021

And what about the King of Tools calling Djokovic a Tool? For once he got something right ...

And who'd have thought having an international competition in times like these could cause such problems?

The Eastern States' gumments need to grow some balls and stop caving in to anyone flashing the cash ...


Jan 19, 2021

We were worried about losing the rights to a Slam? Me wonders if Wimbledon officials ever had that thought??

chelle m

Jan 19, 2021

well said💙


Jan 19, 2021

Challenge accepted Titus, your place or mine!
“ we look at your two weeks in quarantine much like a marathon runner looks at someone walking from the couch to the fridge “


Jan 19, 2021

Got to say a few years ago who would have thought Kyrgios would be this mature, sensible and stable.

As for all the whining f'tard tennis players sooking and their only fans girlfriends, you can go piss off back to wherever you got the idea you're so special just because you can hit a ball decently. You aren't that special, and if you were, you'd probably have come in via Adelaide...

Brody Cox

Jan 19, 2021

Dear Titus,

Thanks for thoughtful letter.

Yours sincerely,

Brody J Cox

Ozzy battler

Jan 19, 2021

Listen here tennis "players". This magnificent country that your are currently a GUEST in has a long history of locking people up who cause us a problem. Obviously you don't know that Australia has always been a penal colony and the present is no different. In Australia we do as we are told and things are good and that is why we are the envy of the world. Get it?. Good. Do any of you know any Australian history, perhaps you can do some research during your busy down-time instead of clowning around and showing off on social media. You are privileged GUESTS in our country, the sooner you realise this and behave so accordingly the better off you will all be and things may, just may, get easier for you. In the meantime remember this, you are a GUEST and a GUEST only. Nothing more. Since you all call yourselves "Players", play by our rules when you land on Australian soil and things will probably be OK for you all. Play up over the Covid-19 restrictions and one thing is for sure, you'll be locked up. AS our Prime Minister said today, you are currently locked-up under the direction of very wise and learned health professionals in order to protect Australian citizens from catching and spreading Covid-19 that you have been associated with in your travels to Australia. Suck-up your current lockup and behave yourselves while in Australia.

Carol O'Dowd

Jan 19, 2021

Great comments 👍. Nothing more needs to be said. 🙂


Jan 19, 2021

Very well said, thanks, for all of us in Victoria that could not travel more than 5kms from home. And myself who could not see my 92 year old mum in aged care for six months and still only one visitor fir one hour once a day.


Jan 19, 2021

You know your audience Titus - nice clickbait to start the year.


Jan 19, 2021

I absolutely get the point and the sentiment here ! I’ve been locked down in the UK and have been trying to get home to Australia for weeks now - the only small comment I would make is that at least there will tennis to watch while I’m stuck in my house in the dark !

Andy Maher makes me vomit

Jan 19, 2021

Funny stuff.
The sport of spoilt brats not letting us down for laughs


Jan 19, 2021

Well, that's quite unfair. The tennis players were told that they can practice for 4 h. Every day. That's why many of them agreed to come here. Now the situation has changed and they are trapped in a hotel room for 2 weeks before the biggest event in their sport calendar.
On the other hand Ozzie players can practise. That is not fair.


Jan 19, 2021

Yep my first visit to Myer after 3 months of lockdown left me a bit teary! At least we could wash our own hair!


Jan 19, 2021

Nicely put Titus.

Maureen Urquhart

Jan 19, 2021

Well said Mel,also the food does look very,very ordinary.We have to get back to some normalcy ,l can’t wait for the Australian Open.Good luck to all the players!


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Jan 19, 2021

To the privileged, equality looks like oppression.

John Vigours

Jan 19, 2021

Well said Titus, but the obvious answer is to move the tennis to Sydney. A few tennis players adding to our never ending trickle of positives is no big deal because the way we deal with the virus in NSW is the Gold Standard when compared with Victoria. I know this because Gladys and Scott never miss an opportunity to tell me.


Jan 19, 2021

Hey Titus, what's going on with the cialis scammers? Have you actually got lucky lately? All the best mate.

Mr Ed

Jan 20, 2021


The AO is contracted to be held in Melbourne to 2034. Or is it not worth the paper it is written on?

Con Emmanouel

Jan 20, 2021

A big thumbs up Titus. I couldn't have written it better. I just hope it knocks some persepctive into those pampered princesses (both male and female) who have complained.

Ralph Ernesti

Jan 20, 2021

I done my own as I am sick of these bloody whingers. Just the other day.

David Kaufman

Jan 20, 2021

The AO contract as all contracts may be subject to an overwhelming public health crisis otherwise a ‘force majure’ In which cases deferment or cancellation may be required without fear of breaking the contract.
See what will happen in Tokyo.

Kim un fong

Jan 20, 2021

Vot Dar fook daze on aboot de people day carkit from did berry badder virooz dan dees peeple dat make sh--load kash dont give fook about dem just selves. Dat small titted big tatted broad fook if eye had hair dat ugly I vudn't vont to vosh it eetha let airdressa suffa.


Jan 20, 2021

I am so pleased Bernard has found a soul mate similar to himself, they make such a lovely couple. She puts a new connotation on same racquet different balls theory. Monday 30-40, Tuesday Deuce, Wednesday wash hair. Thursday 40-30 Friday Deuce, Saturday wash hair. Sunday talk to social media get trolled.

Mel Scott

Jan 20, 2021

Titus I congratulate you on giving these lunatics a wake up call. Honestly 2 weeks will be done and gone in the blink of an eye. Boo hoo they don't get to play sport, Jesus they are not going to lose condition and fitness in that short space of time.
The bloody tennis should have been cancelled anyway and I hope this is not Victoria's undoing.

Lynne M

Jan 21, 2021

Dear Go Pat Go,
The potential loss of a tennis tournament is not a big deal when you weigh it up against:
being able to attend your best friend or relatives funeral, or wedding, or being able to hold your mothers hand as she passes away, or hold your new grandchild. These are things we have the ability do now, that we couldn’t for months. The potential to go back into lockdown because of a tennis tournament just blows my mind. Cancel the tennis!!!! It’s a no brainer...


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