Mar 18, 2018


AFL announce plan for Tasmania


The AFL has released a detailed plan to reinvigorate football in Tasmania, called ‘Stop People Complaining about Tasmania’.

It has three principal aims:

  1. Give the appearance of doing something about Tasmania
  2. Have the media stop talking about Tasmania
  3. Hold an AFLX Tournament in Hong Kong

The AFL recognises that achieving this won’t be easy, after all, we’re dealing with Tasmanians, and they seem to think they deserve an AFL team just because they’ve loved the game since at least the 1860s.

The AFL, however, does recognise we have to pretend to try because it’s distracting from the considerable success of AFLX, which we’ve told people to like.

The Stop People Complaining about Tasmania will deliver the following key initiatives:

  • Print the Stop People Complaining about Tasmania strategy on really glossy paper and get what’s their name in graphic design to do us a nice logo
  • Maybe get a PowerPoint done too with a few waterfall charts and a three-stage approach slide or something
  • Have Gillon McLachlan drive very quickly through Hobart and fly over and wave at Launceston
  • Rebuild the game in Tasmania by providing significant funding for Australian Rules on the Gold Coast and Greater Western Sydney
  • Grow the game in the critical Tasmanian regions of India and China
  • Re-record all the good club theme songs with the soul removed from them
  • Continue to not so secretly hope North Melbourne are forced to relocate there

We’re confident these initiatives will reinvigorate the apathy most footy fans have towards Tasmania and build on the work already undertaken by Travis Auld’s brother.

Titus will be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and the Sydney Comedy Festival.

Tickets Here:

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Margaret Tasmania

Mar 18, 2018

Your ridiculous nonsense is the only good thing the AFL has going for now. Pretty face is really the only nice thing can say about Gillon. No wonder Soccer is taking off in Tassie.

John Nicholls

Mar 18, 2018

I think Tiger Crosswell came from Tassie. Enough said.

Chris Smith

Mar 18, 2018

Unfortunately, As funny as it is, you've hit the nail on the head. Ignore the locals but drag out as much money from them as possible. Football will become like the racing community. where stands will be empty, and those interested will only watch on TV. Well done AFL, kill the atmosphere and support of the small country communities.


Mar 18, 2018

Its appalling, how can they support apartheid in this day and age

Will Dodgeman

Mar 18, 2018

With South Melbourne moving north to Sydney, it’s only logical that North Melbourne moves south to Hobart. Come on Gillon, you know it makes sense. Show some leadership. Make it happen!

Santa Klaus

Mar 18, 2018

How can they possibly call it Australian Football League if they get a team from Tasmania into the league.. Besides having 54 heads playing at same time would not be a level playing field you would need a few extra players on the Tasmania side.

Tassie Tiger

Mar 18, 2018

I hate the AFL for what they have not done for Tassie footy but love this. #supporttassiefooty


Mar 18, 2018

Satire with biting truth Titus. With current AFL attitudes the only way Tassie will get their own football team is if the A League expands there ... I hope soccer do it and it is a roaring success, would only serve AFL right.

Timmy G

Mar 18, 2018

Once Launceston & Hobart finally sort out their massive differences in their respective leagues then maybe the AFL will then take them seriously, until then tell 'em they're dreaming!


Mar 19, 2018

Love this - so many truths in here. The whole thing is just embarrassing for the afl. They have just no sense of self awareness at all. Not filling anyone

Greg H

Mar 21, 2018

Timmy G Launceston and Hobart play in the same league you twit. The whole north south divide in Tassie is a conveniently fabricated fairy tale that is continually brought up to help the AFL add to their plethory of excuses about Tassie not deserving a team. Anyone who thinks Tassie can't afford a team financially needs to rethink, the AFL props and lays for teams and the sponsors that support the existing teams are generally international companies whom value the media exposure. Crowds obviously mean stuff all - gold coast and greater western Sydney for example. The cheek of gill suggesting yesterday the state government dig deeper in to thier pockets for football down here, yeah just like you AFL pricks have

Brian M

Mar 30, 2018

The AFL dream of Norf relocating won't happen. Why should they? They relocate every second week.
If the AFL announced they were building a stadium in Antartica, Norf would immediately put out a press release to say they are going to transfer some home games there. Why buy a membership? Getting to those home games gets costly.


Apr 02, 2018

Where exactly IS Tasmania?

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