The AFL have recently floated the idea of a friends’ register, where footballers would be required to register friends similar to the way police do.

Here’s an exclusive look at the form AFL players will have to use as part of the registration process:

1. First Name: ___ Surname: ___ Nickname:___ -o

2. How did you meet:

(a) School

(b) Gym

(c) Nightclub

(d) Rehab

3. What are your friend’s interests:

(a) Footy

(b) UFC

(c) Greyhounds

(d) Kate Upton

(e) PlayStation

(f) DJing

(g) Kate Upton

(h) Nightclubs

(i) Ed Hardy

(j) Tattoos

(k) Watching Entourage

(l) Me

4. Has your friend ever:

(1) Run a multimillion dollar drug empire:

(a) Yes

(b) No

(c) Probably not

(d) Not a multimillion dollar one

(2) Doubled dipped while eating chips?

(a) Yes

(b) No

(3) Written ‘your’ when they meant ‘you’re’ or vice versa?

(a) Yes

(b) No

(c) What’s the difference?

5. How would you describe your friend?

(a) Good bloke

(b) Really good bloke

(c) Top bloke

(d) Means well

(e) A bit of a goose

6. Has your friend ever been convicted of any of the following?

(a) Assault

(b) Drug trafficking

(c) Drug possession

(d) Jay walking

(e) Espionage

(f) Trademark infringement

(g) Larceny

(h) Grand Larceny

(i) Treason

(j) Mass murder

(k) Littering

(l) Insider trading

(j) Anything involving animals

7. What is the nature of your relationship?

(a) Best Friend

(b) Friend of friend

(c) Always has a drink card

(d) Has a hot sister

(e) Knows people who know people

(f) Is famous

(g) Not sure, just always around

(h) Can’t get rid of them

(i) Pays for my environmental ambassadorship

(j) Sponsor (financial/club)

(k) Sponsor (Acoholics Anonymous)

8. Is your friend the sort of person who might bring the AFL into disrepute?

(a) Of course not, he’s totally reputable

(b) What does ‘disrepute’ mean?

(c) Probably, but he’s bulk funny and he has sick abs

(d) Not sure, I make a point of avoiding asking him what he’s up to sometimes

(e) He can barely tie his shoes

(f) Not the whole AFL

Thanks, you have now completed registering your friend.

In the future, consider not having friends. It’s a lot easier