Aug 05, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble: Day Eight


A column every day for twenty days, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

Richmond (82) v Brisbane (41)

Look, we’ve all been a bit frustrated with 2020 but that’s no reason to take it out on everyone around you.

Last night, Tom Lynch acted like a customer refusing to wear a mask in Bunnings. There was niggle, pushing and shoving and an incident where he shoved Alex Witherden’s head while he was lying on the ground.

Tigers fans won’t care, Lynch and their entire side was back. No longer appearing as interested in this season as a parent at a school concert, they seemed keen to win.

You could sense the relief on social media amongst Richmond supporters, who had started to wonder if their recent success had been a fever dream.

Brisbane fans will be gutted at their team’s performance. It was so bad Chris Fagan showed us his angry side, yelling at his own bench from down on the ground.

“I’m angry and disappointed!”

He had reason to be angry as the Lions kicked 4.17. Yes! That’s not a misprint, I checked it several times.

It’s an extraordinary result. Flip that and they’d have scored 106 points.

It was almost funny watching them conjure behinds out of goal opportunities.

If I was the AFL Integrity Unit, I’d be checking for any strange betting plunges on the Lions.

If I was a Brisbane fan, I’d hope the Integrity Unit found the players had taken bribes to fix the game because that would at least mean they’re not this incompetent, just corrupt, which is often easier to fix.

It was a huge step back for the Lions who are meant to be on the rise, while the Tigers were meant to be struggling; this game reversed those thoughts in just four short quarters.


Geelong v North Melbourne (G) 5:40pm Foxtel

Who doesn’t like a 5:40pm Wednesday timeslot?

I have such fond memories of the family gathering around the TV to listen to the Wednesday twilight game as a kid.

North Melbourne made some tough selection decisions last week that either paid off in spades, or they were just playing Adelaide.

I tend to think they were just playing Adelaide, North still have a lot of problems to sort out, problems that don’t matter against the Crows, but will against Geelong, like ‘not having a forward line.’

The Cats are coming off a disappointing loss to the Eagles, but not in terms of effort, they were right in it until getting run over late.

It reinforces the belief that Geelong are good, not great. Their effort keeps them in a lot of games against top teams, but they can’t match the talent level of the top teams.

The good news for the Cats is Joel Selwood is back, but there’s a few outs as clubs start trying to juggle players to get through the condensed schedule and not have every single player out with hamstring injuries.

Geelong to win.

Melbourne v Adelaide (AO) 8:10pm Foxtel

Not since Melbourne took on an Essendon team filled with top up players (a game Melbourne of course lost), have I seen a game so clearly stamped with ‘danger’ all over it.

Melbourne’s unacceptable performance against Port Adelaide has heaped all sorts of pressure on the team, and now they get the football equivalent of a tap in. You can just feel it going wrong.

It really shouldn’t, Melbourne should win this and comfortably, a result that if it happens, will be celebrated like a Grand Final, like something’s been achieved, when really, this team should not be happy to get past the worst them in the competitions.

But that’s Melbourne, celebrating pointless victories because meaningful ones rarely happen.

A win here makes no difference to the fact that this team are in real trouble, and that’s based on the past eighteen months. It will be no vindication of the coach and players, something they often portray these wins as.

And it’s not impossible for them to lose this too, every team knows there a sneaky chance against the Dees I they keep the pressure on.

A loss here would place enormous pressure on Goodwin and the Board that ticked off on his contract extension.

Perhaps the most confusing thing has been the news that Melbourne can’t afford to sack Goodwin.

I’ve had dozens of Demons supporters call me to ask what does ‘can’t afford to’ mean. It’s a phrase they’ve never encountered before.

Melbourne to win (because the alternative scenario destroys my heart.)

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:



Aug 05, 2020

I've loaded up on the Crows, because if this is Essendon 2016 again I at least want some new office furniture

Steele Blade

Aug 05, 2020

Be pro-active Titus. Place all sharp instruments in your house into a Woolies bag and leave it on your front door step before the game.

Wooden Spoon

Aug 05, 2020

I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed, but the Crows are actually winless since The Big Tex abdicated his captaincy. Surely just a case of correlation/coincidence rather than causation, right? RIGHT???

Lorraine and Ron Denny

Aug 05, 2020

Right on Titus....Tom Lynch's nasty unwarranted behaviour last night was a big disappointment. Get over it Tom and show some good sportsmanship. Keep up your humorous commentaries Titus, you brighten our gloomy times.

Countess Olivia

Aug 05, 2020

Think back Titus. When you wanted to buy Gilligan's Island as a kid so you'd have some friends to play with and your mother said No, you'd have to wait until you turned 21 and got control of your trust fund, that's "can't afford it".


Aug 05, 2020

There is no chance Melbourne will lose to the Crows. its a dead certainty.


Aug 05, 2020

Pathetic Demons fans can't afford to drive to the ski fields in their Range Rovers due to the lockdown...


Aug 05, 2020

5.40 timeslot

Are you sure you weren't gathered around the wireless?

The g train

Aug 05, 2020

Loving watching footy every night. Even a bad game of footy is better than watching a good episode of Beecham House. My wife and kids and have told me: it’s either us, or the footy. I’ll watch the two games tonight and then sleep on it and then decide tomorrow. Surely the AFL side Melbourne will beat the SANFL standard Adelaide. But if Melbourne should lose, imagine the exquisite post from Titus tomorrow. As Mary Poppins said: anything is possible, even the impossible.


Aug 05, 2020

Wooden Spoon. That’s a perfect example of the wisdom of the maxim ‘correlation doesn’t imply causation.’.


Aug 05, 2020

Is it snowing around your chalet in the Victorian Alps?

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