Aug 11, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble: Day Fourteen


A column every day for twenty days, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

St Kilda (34) v Geelong (93)

I want to begin with a sincere apology for tipping St Kilda.

As I watched this, I felt the Saints players really went out of their way to prove me wrong.

Coming into this as a team rapidly on the rise, the Saints were comprehensively smashed all over the park.

Under pressure from a Cats team out to prove they are not a spent force, St Kilda ended up playing more defence than a Dan Andrews press conference.

They barely went forward, with Dan Butler finishing with four disposals and no goals. 

The Cats relied strongly up front on Tom Hawkins, who is having a late career renaissance.  He’s back to kicking goals and hitting people and the year is now perfectly set up for him to miss some finals while suspended.

As for the Saints, they’ve been left feeling like me after a date. They’ll spend the next few days wondering why they performed so badly and why whenever things appear to be going really well, it’s just a trap that will make things even worse.

Fremantle (48) v Hawthorn (32)

What a wonderful game this was, well worth staying up for.

My main thought as I watched this game was ‘why am I watching this game?’

I still don’t know the answer to that.

It’s probably because I have nothing else to do at the moment, and I can therefore add ‘having to watch this’ to my lists of terrible things that have happened in 2020.

I’m not saying it’s the worst thing to happen to someone in 2020, but it’s right up there.

Fremantle fans would have enjoyed it though. Their young players showed there is a good future at the club and Justin Longmuir seems to know what he is doing.

Of course, playing Hawthorn helps, who looked like a group of people not that interested in being there. 

I get it, not many of us were interested in watching this either, but the difference is they’re being paid to be there.

Hawthorn’s decline is nice and all and in a normal year it would bring me great joy, but it’s not the same.

I can’t see the pain on Hawthorn’s fans faces in person.

What I’d give to be able to see my Hawthorn supporting friends.

The conversation would go like this:

“You guys are terrible. It must be embarrassing supporting a team like yours.”

“I’ve seen more premierships in the last decade than you’ve seen in your lifetime.”

I then flee home in tears.


Adelaide v Collingwood (AO) 6:35pm Foxtel

Can Adelaide do it? Can they cheer up the majority of Victorians at the time they need it most?

The obvious answer is ‘no’ but if you think about the trouble Collingwood have been having recently both on and off the field, the answer is still ‘no’.

It would be great though and I’m tipping Collingwood to do my part to get the Crows across the line.

But Adelaide can only beat themselves at the moment and even that they’d do with great difficulty.

It’s hard to see when Adelaide will win again. It’s a bit like asking when the Melbourne lockdown will end. You think it might happen, but all the statistics suggest that’s just wishful thinking.

But if they are ever going to end their losing streak, tonight would be great.

Pies to win.

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:


Sam part time cats supporter

Aug 11, 2020

Weren’t the cats great. That’s all I have to say.

Actually no- are they a real premiership* contender???

Do you think not having the humongous big Rat crashing packs in the forward line bringing the call to ground- because god forbid, why would he actually mark it, actually made the forward line more slick and dangerous. I think at one point it was 14 entries for 11 scoring shots. This is 3 times better than what we normal are.

No one may really care about this but having said that, what else can you do other than sit and think if you live in Victoria?

Finally- Titus, why don’t you have advertisements on this webpage for income?? It’s the norm to have advertising sh!t on a website flogging crap like sex toys and hormone creams so, I for one wouldn’t think any less of you if you did it. OR a live tweet or YouTube stream so you can sit in front of a camera and dribble educated crap on the game.... just putting it out there.

Right I’ve finished on the toilet now. Time to go back to my desk and do some work.


*2020 is not a real premiership.

Kafka’s Ghost

Aug 11, 2020

Bit rough on the Freo v. Hawthorn game, there, Titus. Freo are playing with verve and flair, a relief to all after the Ross Lyon years, and Hawthorn have now lost to them and the Swans Academy side. How they beat Carlton, a team ostensibly ahead of both Dockers and Swans in the rebuild phase, is a mystery. Although Blues fans mightn’t think so.
Anyway, after the disappointment of Geelong v. St Kilda as a match (I was hoping for a rerun of 2009/10), it made for a pleasant evening’s viewing.

Andrew Pelechaty

Aug 11, 2020

Another high-scoring game of rugby league between Freo and Hawthor...oh, wait.
Seriously, what's doing with all these low scores?

the g train

Aug 11, 2020

"I want to begin with a sincere apology for tipping St Kilda". Your apology is not accepted. Here's some payback: Melbourne is currently on a winning streak that looks certain to continue, and have emerged as a genuine finals contender.


Aug 11, 2020

Hawks highlighted Carlton's progress as a team this year.
Gone are the days when the Blues would play an oppostion into form to get their season back on track. Now they are able to contain that form to just the game they play Carlton.


Aug 11, 2020


If Richmond win it then it's a real premiership.

If most any other team wins then it's a premiership.

If Collingwood were to win then its a farce and not worthy of the history books.


Aug 11, 2020


Well there's less time per quarter so the players are able to run non-stop creating hideous congestion.

Then there's the teams who park 16 of the 18 in the backline and hope to win on the counter. It's worked a few times and gone close a few times too.

And then there's the holding the ball rule which has created the situation where nobody wants the pill because a micro second later the ump will ping you for holding the ball.

I'm pretty sure that the AFL was a key consultant to the Andrew's government for COVID management.

Peter Lake

Aug 11, 2020

Titus, how could even consider tipping Adelaide to beat any Victorian team. Down right treacherous I say. If you insist on playing at the traitors gate you could have at least tipped the Crows, that way Collingwood have a much better chance of securing this much needed win. I've been saying all season that Adelaide is barely capable of beating any average VFL team, well now we are about to find out. Our current list of injured and "managed" players could beat any of the bottom 8 teams in the competition


Aug 11, 2020

Oh goody. Crows v Pies. Cancel all social activities & stay home to watch, oh wait......

Freduardo IV

Aug 11, 2020

SAM PART TIME CATS SUPPORTER - aren't the adverts you see based on your web search history?

As a financial member of Team Titus, I, for one, do not want to see ads.

Chris Gregan

Aug 11, 2020

I have been working intensively within the Australian Rules Football hierarchical statistics sector, for an extensive time solving many intricate, problems on all fascists of our great game. I now have no doubt whatsoever that Tom Hawkins eyes are way too close together and he can’t be trusted.

F. Carlton Collingwood IV

Aug 11, 2020

"Seriously, what's doing with all these low scores?"

Nothing wrong with low scoring games. I'd rather see my my guys kick 7 goals and win than kick 17 goals and lose.

Daniel B

Aug 11, 2020

"The Cats relied strongly up front on Tom Hawkins, who is having a late career renaissance. He’s back to kicking goals and hitting people and the year is now perfectly set up for him to miss some finals while suspended."

Classic Titus. Bravo

In The Blood

Aug 11, 2020

CHRIS GREGAN - all fascists of our great game

That would be Eddie McGuire then? Authoritarian, dictatorial, and treats minorities like dirt?

The Dude Abides

Aug 11, 2020

Since when has Tim Flannery been in charge of releasing the forecast at the Perth office of the Bureau of Meteorology?

For both the last two games involving the Eagles at the Dockers, possible thunderstorms and up to 100mm of rain has been predicted to fall throughout the games, with predictable failure. This is what my Iso life has become, virtually betting on the weather.

I have found a corporate, admittedly based in the Bahamas, who is offering a market on the Overs/Unders to be announced by Disaster Dan tomorrow. It's a tad morbid I know but I'm thinking of taking the Under 19.5 presently paying $1.87. Any thoughts?

Black Swamp Barracker

Aug 12, 2020

"The Cats relied strongly up front on Tom Hawkins, who is having a late career renaissance. He’s back to kicking goals and hitting people and the year is now perfectly set up for him to miss some finals while suspended."

I barrack for the Cats and I used to think Tom Hawkins was the bee's knees. Now I realise he's one of those guys who look too good to be true (I'm a girl), and that's exactly the truth of the situation. Give me that scruffy little Cam Guthrie darling any day!

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