A column every day for twenty days, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

Geelong (90) v North Melbourne (57)

Unfortunately for North Melbourne, you can’t play Adelaide all the time.

After looking like a mildly proficient football side against the Crows, North returned to reality against the Cats.

North are neither good nor lucky, with Ben Brown going off injured early.

It meant that once again the Kangaroos’ forward line felt a lot like a Donald Trump interview, confused, lacking a coherent structure and with the overwhelming sense that it was being made up as it went along.

The Cats had no problems at the other end, with Gryan Miers booting four and Tom Hawkins giving them a clear target all night.

One thing that stood out for Geelong is how good Guthrie is. He was everywhere, kicking goals, dropping down back. The amount of times I heard his name called was extraordinary.

I’m surprised he’s not getting more attention in the media.

Adelaide (37) v Melbourne (88)

Unfortunately for Melbourne, you can’t play Adelaide all the time.

The first half was a mess, and Melbourne fans watched on in horror as the Demons struggled to break the shackles against the worst side in the competition.

“It’s going to happen,” I thought, my chest tightening, as a now familiar panic attack washed over my body like an old friend.

The Crows to their credit really took it to Melbourne in the first half, showing that under pressure the Dees tend to get flustered and make mistakes.

It reminded me so much of my year ten social, when Stacy Bloominghall asked me if the chair next to me was free, only for me to take three minutes to construct a sentence that informed her it was, only for her to say thanks and take the chair over to where a group of her friends were sitting.

The moment still remains the closest I’ve come to a romantic relationship.

Luckily for the Dees, the Crows can’t play more than two quarters, and after the half they pulled away.

This was nothing to get excited about. The Dees talent means they should have won this game easily.

For far too long the club has taken wins like this as some sign they are on the right track and can relax a bit.

This performance was just doing the bare minimum, and at points even that looked hard.

A lot of people have been wondering when the Crows will get their first win of the season, not Adelaide fans though, they know there won’t be one.

Tonight

Collingwood v Sydney (G) 5:40pm Foxtel

Pies fans aren’t panicking yet, but they’re making preparations.

It’s been an amateurish few weeks for the Pies, with problems off and on the field.

It’s been a delight for most of us and given those of us in lockdown a rare chance to smile, but Pies fans would be right in wondering what is going on.

What seems to be going on is a complete lack of organisation.

The Pies are hardly alone in that regard. Players and other AFL people in the bubble seem to find the rules they’ve been given difficult to follow.

Surely it can’t be that hard? Just stay in the bubble. Don’t have contact with people outside it.

You can go a few months without playing Alicia Molik at tennis, I’ve managed to go years.

But AFL players seem to need officials on hand to answer a host of bizarre questions.

It almost makes you feel like they’re wilfully breaking the rules and then pretending to be confused when they get caught. 

The whole COVID experience hasn’t exactly painted AFL players as being in touch with the real world.

A loss here would signal real problems for the Pies, as the Swans have embraced the theme of 2020, which is ‘having a year to forget’.

Pies to win.

Gold Coast v St Kilda (Metricon) 8:10pm Seven

A Saints fan told me the other day that people keep asking them if they’d be annoyed if they won a premiership and they couldn’t go. 

We both laughed. What people who barrack for successful clubs don’t realise is that fans of teams like Melbourne and St Kilda don’t spend time worrying about winning premierships and if we would be able to see them.

We worry about what heartbreaking catastrophe will swallow us up next.

Therefore, St Kilda doing well at the moment doesn’t have Saints fans thinking about how they could get Grand Final tickets, it has them wondering if what’s coming around the corner to hurt them next.

I don’t think the Suns will be the thing coming around the corner but being St Kilda, you never know.

The Suns have hit the wall in recent weeks, sliding to 11^th on the ladder. What’s a reasonable finish for them?

They need to show more than they are now. Currently, their season is a bit like the new person at work who starts off impressively, then relaxes and begins showing you who they really are.

Gold Coast are a bit better than last year, but if they continue on like they have, they may be thanking North Melbourne and Adelaide for keeping them off the bottom.

Saints to win.

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