Aug 17, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble: Day Twenty


A column every day for twenty days, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.


Western Bulldogs (111) v Adelaide (54)

This is one of the best practices I believe the Bulldogs have ever had.

It was mainly non-contact drills, but they moved the ball really nicely, executed some set plays and their skills were excellent.

It probably lacked a bit in terms of cardio. They seemed to be practicing at half speed for a lot of it, taking time to think through several options before executing.

You can’t of course do that in a real game, but it was fine here and they took the enormous amount of time they had.

I’m still not sure why any of them bothered to get out of their training tops.

Up front Aaron Naughton kicked six goals, but it’s easy to do when no one is playing on you.

Still, a good hit out for the Bulldogs and a nice teambuilding exercise.

St Kilda (68) v Essendon (33)

Patience. It’s apparently all the Essendon supporters need. I mean, they’ve only been waiting 20 years, why the rush?

Unless Patience is the surname of the greatest player to ever play the game, I’m not sure it is what the Bombers need.

Sure, there’s injuries but whatever the excuse is this year, it’s been decades of mediocrity, punctuated occasionally by scandal.

Essendon’s supporters have been fanatical in their defence of the club, often when the club hasn’t deserved it, and they’ve been rewarded with nothing.

They have every right to be sick of the excuses. The effort just often isn’t there.

Worsfold said after the match ‘We’re very, very flat,’ which sums up Essendon and also how every Victorian is feeling at the moment.

St Kilda controlled the entire game and didn’t look troubled at all, they did everything they were expected to do, but they weren’t ever really challenged.

The Saints are now a side that doesn’t stuff up these games, it’s against the real contenders they struggle.

West Coast (81) v Hawthorn (49)

Seven straight wins to the Eagles, and they haven’t even played that well at times.

A bit of improvement and they’ll be terrifying.

They dominated from the start, but the Hawks had their fair share of the ball, and if they didn’t target the Eagles backs like they were their forwards, the result could have been different.

When the Hawks weren’t directly kicking it to the Eagles backs, they were bombing it into the forward line like it was a competition to see who could kick it higher in the air. It was an odd approach, but despite it never working, they really stuck with it.

Hawthorn didn’t even score in the first quarter, helping Hawks fans explore some new emotions.

Adding to the loss was James Sicily going down with a knee injury, making this season one to forget. It’s lucky they’ve got all that young talent coming through.

The biggest reason I stayed watching this was Liam Ryan who put on a marking clinic it brought. Back memories of my playing years. Some of the greatest marks each year where taken on my head.


Richmond v Gold Coast (G) 7:10pm Foxtel

The last game in the Festival of Footy, a twenty-day odyssey that has certainly plugged a hole in my life.

It’s been intense, and I’m not keen on it becoming a regular thing, sometimes you need a break from something to look forward to it, I feel like that about going out at the moment, since I can’t, I crave it. When I could I’d make up excuses not to.

Not that I think the AFL will care about oversaturation, they never have before, they’ll make the decision based on money.

Richmond have had a lot of discipline problems on and off the field recently, and apparently, they’ve come up with a new punishment for giving away a 50m penalty, having to change the nappy of Trent Cotchin’s son.

That sort of support will be vital while the kid’s parents are at the day spa. I hope writing this doesn’t get AFL Media to hire me so they can suspend me.

Richmond are coming off a disappointing performance again Port, but the Suns drew with Essendon, so neither team is in good form.

Josh Caddy has been dropped for this game, and you can’t help but think his silly penalty against Port was the reason.

Hardwick swore more than me when I discovered I’d purchased tofu instead of cheese because my glasses were fogged up due to the mask I was wearing.

The drive home was even more terrifying, until I remembered I didn’t need to wear a mask while driving.

Richmond to win.

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:


Santa Claus

Aug 17, 2020

Time to employ a proof reader, Titus!

Go Doggies

Aug 17, 2020

"Some of the greatest marks each year where taken on my head."
I never saw you play Titus, but I'm surprised you were brave enough to be standing under a high ball long enough for anyone to take a specky on your head.


Aug 17, 2020

The biggest reason I stayed watching this was Liam Ryan who put on a marking clinic it brought. Back memories of my playing years. Some of the greatest marks each year where taken on my head.


Margaret Zerk-Thatcher

Aug 17, 2020

It's too much footy. I was desperate for it to restart and now I just want it to restop. I'd give anything for footy to be on weekends again with an occasional Thursday night.


Aug 17, 2020

Hey Santa Claus, can we just appreciate what Titus does for "us" and not get too overly critical on any grammatical, spelling, errors, or other licence that he takes when putting his observations together. I would argue that it is part of the appeal anyway.

You just concentrate on making sure your helpers are making toys and feeding the reindeers!


Aug 17, 2020

The dogs v crows summary has to be one of the biggest burns I've read.

It's almost to the point where I feel for the crow supporters; well almost.


Aug 17, 2020

Excellent summary of the Dogs game. The Crows are truly shite - I don't think I've ever seen a team and a club implode so spectacularly. What the hell is going there?

I'm almost beginning to feel some sympathy for Freo fans. I think the may be right. The AFL, the umpires and the universe in general really are against you.

But speaking as an Eagles fan, it's a source of never ending amusement for everyone else.


Aug 17, 2020

Titus......I'm worried about your reference to the Bulldogs' team-building exercise. You know how that went with the Crows!!


Aug 17, 2020

That comment re needing a breather from daily games in order to look forward to the next couldn't be truer.
In the next scramble to fit games in before Corona goes north for spring, it's not only the players whose stamina will be tested. I'm putting myself on the injured list for a breather, will still read Titus' epistles. One of the few lights in the tunnel.

For Granted

Aug 17, 2020

"Seven straight wins to the Eagles, and they haven’t even played that well at times.
A bit of improvement and they’ll be terrifying..."

Hmmm. As a West Coast fan I'm not really looking forward to the team spending time in QLD with a mounting injury list & I suspect we've been somewhat overrated at this point given that we've been playing at Optus with the only real home crowd. That Liam Ryan though. Yep no doubting he provides some entertainment.


Aug 17, 2020

Nice work Titus, the fact you can make us Hawks diehards smile and LOL is much appreciated.
Oh and Santa Clause PO, it's not your time of the year yet.

Andrew Pelechaty

Aug 17, 2020

OZSPRINTER - Titus has said in his podcast with Sergio that he doesn't care about spelling or grammar, he just writes. At least he's honest about it. Your brain can fill in the gaps anyway. A few errors won't stop me reading his articles.

Santa Claus

Aug 17, 2020

To OzSprinter, Chris and Andrew... that attitude to spelling, grammar and punctuation is why the kids of today are illiterate. As for Titus, you’d think being locked up for 23 hours a day would give him plenty of time to correct these mistakes.

The g train

Aug 17, 2020

Indeed, the Bulldog’s win over the Crows was barely a mild training run. The Bulldogs have learnt well from Sun Tzu: “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting”.

Greta Funbag

Aug 17, 2020

Santa - I'm pretty sure that this "To OzSprinter, Chris and Andrew... that attitude" is grammatically incorrect. If we can't trust your command of the English language, then how can we be sure that you'll find the right chimney? I don't want to get someone else's pressies.

Santa Claus

Aug 17, 2020

Greta Funbag... how dare you!?

Fat Side

Aug 17, 2020

Good stuff Tits, no need for a poof reader.

Tiger Slim

Aug 17, 2020

Dear Santa'S Claws
& Dearz Effrizbodys, Im liking too drawring you"z attention to the bit wear Tight-As O'Really says he has know Munneyz.
He can't have Offorded a PROOF READER at the moment because he has no money coming in !!
BUT he still bothers to afford his time for US so we can have somewhere to vent our spleen. !
Thanks Titus I appreciate your work. An to the knockers, go eat the Easter Bunny for dinner.

Tiger Slim

Aug 17, 2020

Just in case you didn't get to the bottom of page..

" At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:"


Aug 17, 2020

FAT SIDE Thanks for the best laugh today! Santa now officially wounded.


Aug 17, 2020

Tiger slim - yep.

Ignore the grammar Nazis Titus, the rest of us love you.


Aug 17, 2020

Dammit Titus, you've almost made us feel sorry for the Crows and the Pies when our pity is the last thing they need or deserve. As a Blues supporter I almost sympathised with the recently suffering Pies supporters, until I remembered Eddie McGuire, then I thought bugger them, they can go to hell in a handcart!


Aug 17, 2020

I think the lack of grammar is a god-send! You can read a paragraph, have a chuckle, work out where the comma should have gone, crack up laughing again. Two for the price of one! It’s a bit like hearing Kerry O’Keefe tell a joke


Aug 17, 2020

I'll proofread your work for next to nothing Titus. Like maybe a signed copy of each of your books and the occasional ticket to your live show when we're back in the swing of things.

The Dude Abides

Aug 17, 2020

Doesn't that Santa Claus strike you as one being full of the joie de vive? Wouldn't you just love to be isolated with his type? Strikes me as a closet Antifa member possibly?

Titus, your musings, and those of the lads from Junk Time and Front Bar have sustained me through an appalling 2020. Please hook up with Sergio and pump out your wonderful joint podcasts again. I would gladly pay to subscribe.


Aug 17, 2020

Ah Titus, who cares how you spell it, thanks for 20 days of superb prose and for making this bleak time in Melbourne town a hell of a lot brighter.

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