Jul 30, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble: Day Two


A column every day for twenty days, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

Western Bulldogs (49) v Richmond (90)

Our festival of footy got off to a horrible start and it’s all the Western Bulldogs fault. 

They seemed less interested in winning and more interested in boosting the Tigers self-confidence. They were like a sassy best friend in a romcom.

This support including helping Richmond’s struggling forward line work out it’s issues.

Few Bulldogs covered themselves in glory, but Billy Gowers really turned in a masterclass in ineptitude. By halftime he hadn’t had a single possession. 

He ended with seven.

No wonder Luke Beveridge sat with his head in his hands for 20 seconds after the match. I get it. In 2020, we are all having a Billy Gowers of a year.

As for Richmond, they seemed to get their mojo back. With Cotchin returning, all the key players seemed to lift. Dusty played like a kid mucking around, helped by the fact the Doggies let him.

Even Richmond’s forward line remembered they are being paid to kick goals.

Apparently, Hardwick showed the forward line highlights of themselves during the week to remind themselves of their ability and to restore their confidence.

It’s a wonderful tactic and I’d do it myself, except I don’t have any highlights.


Melbourne v Port Adelaide (G) 7:50pm Seven

It’s only the second night of our football marathon and I’m already unsure if I can maintain the pace.

Last night was a two cups of tea night, and that’s just not sustainable for the next 19 nights. I’m not willing to let my life spiral out of control again due to a rampaging tea dependency.

For a Melbourne game, I’ll need something a lot stronger than tea anyway, morphine might be the go but it’s hard to come by during the lockdown.

Port Adelaide are coming off a rather lacklustre game last week against St Kilda and getting played back into form tonight is just what the doctor ordered.

If the Power are smart, and I said if, they will just sit back and wait for Melbourne to make mistakes. There will be a lot.

Decision making is not a strong suit for the Demons.

Poor decision making is fine in a friend you go out with to have a drink, it adds a lot of excitement and humour to proceedings, but it’s not something you want in a footy team.

There’s been some improvement in the Demons entry into the forward fifty, but a lot of the midfield love a high bomb into the forward line and they rarely resist kicking to a teammate who is outnumber 3-1.

You’d think no doing that would be an easy lesson to teach, but apparently, it’s not.

Port to win.

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus



Jul 30, 2020

It would be great if you had a one off option for financial support too rather than the subscription model 😊 love your stuff


Jul 30, 2020

Rewatched WCE-Melb prelim final 2018 the other day. The Dees were flying into that game, but got broke into a million pieces and have been held together with blu tack and sticky tape ever since.


Jul 30, 2020

Hopefully it's not too much Port giving you Demons.


Jul 30, 2020

@Dee buy a book!

Andrew Pelechaty

Jul 30, 2020

Dee - a lot of podcasters have Patreon pages, where fans can pay a set monthly amount and receive bonus content. Maybe that's an idea?
I a patreon member of the Four Finger Discount (Simpsons) podcast, where $2/month gets you access to the secret Facebook page, where you can talk to the podcast hosts. The more money you pay, the more you get, including bonus podcasts.


Jul 30, 2020

What? Wait? What was that? Titus! You watch romcoms????

Wooden spooner

Jul 30, 2020

DEE - if you go to Support you can choose to make an annual contribution (a once-off) rather than making it monthly.

The g train

Jul 30, 2020

Titus, I would aim for one cup of tea every second evening. Tea dependency is an all too oft forgotten problem within our country. Back to the footy—I’m gonna find out if too much of it is barely enough (apologies to Roy and HG).

Simon Woods

Jul 30, 2020

Danel - you are right. I've just bought one of Titus' books and will eagerly scan it for typos and grammatical errors, as he expects no less. We do all need to support Titus in his hours of need, given the pleasure he give us. I also agree with the concept of being able to provide a one off donation. Every time Melbourne wins, I could ................


Jul 30, 2020

Oh my giddy aunt! It's not that hard - centre clearances and inside 50's..... I note the apathy with which you picked the other team. You might need something stronger than tea.


Jul 31, 2020

Martians wearing facemasks will send the lander back before it touches down.

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