Sep 03, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble Two: Day Eight


A column every day, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

Richmond (56) v Fremantle (29)

Before we start on the game, if you’ll indulge me, I’m very happy to announce my new book Cheat: The Not-so-subtle Art of Conning Your Way to Sporting Glory is now available for pre-order and will be released November 3.

It’s a trip through the wonderful world of cheating in sport and I was not short of stories.

This was a really fun book to write because so many of the stories are both hilarious and flat out bonkers.

It’s amazing what people will do to win. You can pre-order it now and as a bonus help support me in these difficult times.

As for this game, it’s hardly one to write home about. It happened, nothing that exciting occurred and it was perfectly fine to have on in the background while travelling around the Information Superhighway.

Fremantle had obviously decided that if you can’t beat them, make it super frustrating for them and ensure they don’t beat you by too much.

This approach certainly did annoy Richmond, who looked tired after a lot of games in a short period of time and found the Dockers attention about as welcome as a charity mugger approaching you in the street.

Remember when that used to happen? What I’d give to be able to ignore them again.

Richmond will just be happy they got the job done, it wasn’t pretty, but it’s done now, and they can never think about it again because no one else will.


Sydney v Melbourne (Cazaly’s Stadium) 4:40 pm Foxtel

This game takes us to Cairns which I would give a lot to be in right now. I’d give a lot to be anywhere but Melbourne right now actually.

This is one of those games Melbourne has to win and should win, hence every Demons fan is absolutely terrified of this game.

Whenever I hear our destiny is in our own hands, I start to panic.

I don’t really believe in destiny, some greater force controlling us, unless of course, you mean the AFL.

Melbourne loses Michael Hibbard to injury but on the plus side, Mitch Hannan has been omitted.

As for the Swans, their painful season is at least approaching the endpoint, but they always give it a go, which worries me.

Why can’t they just give up when things are hopeless?

I mean, I give up when things are mildly annoying, but that might explain why I have achieved very little, while the Swans makes finals almost all the time.

That’s my big worry in life. That trying is what makes the difference, not destiny and that exhausts me.

I’m tipping Melbourne, just to really hurt myself.

Greater Western Sydney v Carlton (Metricon) 7:10 pm Seven

The Giants this week extended Leon Cameron’s contract for another two years, a vote of confidence in the coach that not everyone would agree with.

It’s true that Cameron did get his team to almost play in a Grand Final, but others would question if he’s got enough out of a team so full of talent it at times seems to weight them down.

Despite an at times horror year, the Giants still have a chance to make finals, and getting to play Carlton will cheer them up immensely.

The Blues still have the ability to turn in performances crafted to destroy the souls of Carlton fans, their performance against Collingwood being a perfect example.

It’s been a very disappointing season, and normally you’d say ‘There’s always next year’ but I’m no longer sure that’s true.

The Blues have been smashed by the Giants in their last two clashes and I can’t see it being that different in this.

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:


Matthew Knight

Sep 03, 2020

Hey Titus, I hope you're holding up ok. Remember to take care of yourself! Thanks for the great content as always

the g train

Sep 03, 2020

Richmond v Freo: " wasn’t pretty, but it’s done now, and they can never think about it again because no one else will". Not quite true, Titus. Unfortunately, I will remember this one for a long, long time. I will always recall that this was the game that ALMOST made me turn of the tv during an AFL game. It was a terrifying and chilling feeling.

"Why can’t they (Sydney) just give up when things are hopeless". They should. It reminds me in a way of the best life advice my old man ever gave me: "Look, son. If something's hard to do, it's not worth doing".


Sep 03, 2020

+1 Matthew.

Maybe it's no longer the Dockers but the Fremantle Charity Muggers? It has a ring.


Sep 03, 2020

Just pre-ordered the new book. And if you're reading this comment, you probably should too and support Titus.

Although I hope the Swans crushes his very soul tonight.


Sep 03, 2020

Offer a Kindle version of your book and I would be in like Flynn.


Sep 03, 2020

I've got no soul left after watching the Blues get me all excited and then dash my hopes last weekend against the Pies......damn you Eddie McGuire! But I get to see a live game tonight in Cairns, Dees vs Swans, and I'll do what I can to support the Dees to win for you Titus as I'd you to get at least a little bit of joy in your life.


Sep 03, 2020

Just ordered your book Titus. If my name is in it I'll see you in court.
PS. Swans by 2 points tonight!


Sep 03, 2020

Book ordered. Keep up with good work Titus

Swans Fan

Sep 03, 2020

Thank you for tipping the Dees.


Sep 03, 2020

Have another look at the photo.


F. Carlton Collingwood IV

Sep 03, 2020

"Have another look at the photo.


They're just good friends, that's all.


Sep 03, 2020

I hope Brisbane's 2020 draw gets a chapter in your book Titus. Up there with Fine Cotton and the 1919 white sox

Lawn Patrol

Sep 03, 2020

Sufferin The Blues. I hope you had a good night at Cazaly's. I had the great pleasure of being in Cairns for 3 pre-season games in the early 2000's. And took the opportunity, after Collingwood's second loss to the Lions, to ask Eddie a question just before he commenced his post-game discussion on the boundary as we meandered out. The question was; "How is Buckley's hunt for a Premiership going?"

He was a bright pink for the interview.


Sep 04, 2020

Hey Rick, I don't know about your team but in a 17 Round season my team plays each other team once.
I didn't notice that the Lions were playing Adelaide, Hawthorn & Melbourne in rotation.

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