Sep 09, 2020


AFL Mad Scramble Two: Day Fourteen


A column every day, as we get more football than we even asked for.

Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.

Last Night

Adelaide (59) v Greater Western Sydney (47)

It seems the most excitement in the AFL season at the moment is seeing which team on the edges of the top eight can stuff up their finals run the most.

Melbourne have set the standard in this area, but the Giants last night decided the Demons performances weren’t a cautionary tale, but a blueprint to follow.

Adelaide, now have a two-game win streak, a phrase I didn’t think I’d write this year and possibly in 2021 either. 

Yet against the Giants, the Crows looked tough, and I wouldn’t say this if I hadn’t seen it, composed.

They were defensively organised and maintained that focus for the entire four quarters.

They even looked like a real AFL team.

It helped that they were against a club that seems to only be doing an impression of an AFL team at the moment.

The Giants are often likened to a Ferrari, and like a Ferrari, they can’t keep going when the terrain gets rough.

The Ferrari idea has always been a bit of a myth. They’re more like a 2006 Mitsubishi Lancer that someone stuck a Ferrari badge on.

Leon Cameron said after the game their midfield had let them down, which was true, but isn’t he effectively in charge of that midfield? 

Coaches these days seem to take about as much accountability as government ministers do.

The result sets up the Melbourne-Giants game as a battle of the teams who shouldn’t really play finals but may sneak in by the complete ineptitude of those around them.

This is how many top CEOs build a career.

Carlton (57) v Sydney (52)

Carlton seemed to be entering the ‘let’s embarrass our club’ sweepstakes in this one, only to do something the Giants and Melbourne won’t do, put up a fight.

Sydney kicked the first seven goals of the game, as the Blues looked like they were simply there as a garnish.

What was the difference between the Blues and their fellow inept wannabee finalists?

The answer is Patrick Cripps, who refused to lie down, willing himself and his team back into the game.

His second-quarter was something else, taking his team from being non-existent, to in touch by half time.

The second half was far closer, but the Blues kept chipping away and with effort, the Swans easy scoring dried up.

With two minutes left to play, Matthew Cottrell nailed a set shot and celebrated with the wild eyes of an ice addict.

Not that I’m saying he was on ice; this isn’t country football.

In the end, John Longmire said his team’s loss was due to them just not working hard enough.

That’s usually Carlton’s problem, but in 2020, we are through the looking glass, normal rules don’t always apply, all though sometimes they do, which is why it’s all so confusing.


Brisbane v Gold Coast (G) 7:10 pm Foxtel

The Q-Clash! The pinnacle of the football year.

It used to be two of the worst teams in the league going at it, but Brisbane are now a premiership contender (sometimes) and the Suns are still not very good but have some players who might be good one day.

The Lions are without Harris Andrews but in good news, he’s extended his contract by five years in what’s been describes as a ‘mega’ contract.

I believe the contract regime goes: 

·      Pocket change

·      Junior meal deal

·      Upsized meal deal

·      Mega

·      Monster

·      Buddy Franklin

The Suns finally got a win in their last game, but it was against a Kangaroos side that might snatch the wooden spoon off Adelaide.

Playing North then Brisbane is a big step up.  It’s like going from the Sega Master system to a PlayStation 5. Mind-blowing.

Unlike North, Lions players can tackle, kick (not for goal) and catch a ball. 

With this type of wizardry, the Suns will struggle.

Lions to win.

My new book Cheat: The Not-so-subtle Art of Conning Your Way to Sporting Glory is now available for pre-order.  

At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here:


Chis Gregan

Sep 09, 2020

So If this is the Shit season that no one really cares about.....As a Melbourne fan I will gladly take it, even if the opposition is depleted due to a post match Melee outside a Kabab joint.

the g train

Sep 09, 2020

Adelaide v GWS: another impossible outcome. That’s the problem with rationality. The mistaken acceptance that something impossible, that is to say something with exactly zero probability of occurring, simply cannot happen. So we need the irrational to take over and guide us. Titus is doing his bit—but what about the rest? As Albert Einstein wrote: “I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking”.

J Clarkson

Sep 09, 2020

GWS. Not a Ferrari. Clearly an Alfa Romeo. No, GWS are clearly the Ferrari F1 Team. Clearly, they are crap. Now where's my steak?


Sep 09, 2020

I'd like the AFL to consider a mercy rule. Not for teams who are 10 goals down with a quarter to go, but for every footy tipper whose late season tips in matches like this week's are being cruelled by the results.

Kafka’s Ghost

Sep 09, 2020

GWS a Ferrari? Last night they looked like a Trabant.


Sep 09, 2020

If I understood what the G Train was saying I would probably agree with it. Just a reminder that The G Train predicted that Adelaide was about to arrive. Now, if only the practice matches would finish and we could get onto the real stuff - but that doesn't start for another 6 months.


Sep 09, 2020

Maybe these teams don't want to make the finals.

After all, they get to go home earlier if they don't, although for the Melbourne based teams that's probably not so attractive.


Sep 09, 2020

After 2 games in a row of the usual snatching defeat from the jaws of victory after a seriously good first quarter the Blues played in reverse and won with a last minute goal after an abysmal first half. I wasn't even going to watch the game until I heard the Blues had won. Co-captains Patrick Cripps and Sam Docherty showed some awareness of the trauma they're putting we blue baggers through by giving us hopes of a win then dashing them in their email to members which they opened by hoping our heart rates were ok! Sorry fellas, but mine was broken by losses to the Pies and Giants and a skin of your teeth win over Sydney wasn't enough to put it back together. They'll have to play 4 quarters of winning football a lot more often to rebuild hope in a time of Covid-19. I expect no sympathy from Titus, but after watching the Dees play last week in Cairns I can better understand the slough of despond that supporting them has cast him into.


Sep 10, 2020

My 2006 Lancer would definitely beat Adelaide.


Sep 11, 2020

I, for 1, am looking forward to seeing the Carlton-Adelaide game. Carlton have got to win to keep their Finals Nightmare Train on its tracks (and aren't we seeing some incredible games from teams scrambling to make it into the 8) and Adelaide have got to look credible, yet not endanger their #1 pick. The anticipation is like getting brain-freeze while licking a licorice/varnish flavoured ice cream. Like the memory of sticking your tongue in the electric socket couldn't have been right so you do it again.

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