A column every day, as we get more football than we even asked for.
Occasionally, this column will even mention football but rarely sensibly.
Today
Hawthorn (48) v Adelaide (83)
Adelaide wins a game and the Grand Final will be in Brisbane. Let’s just throw all the laws that govern the universe out the window, shall we?
Decades of holding Schoolies should prepare Queensland for holding the Grand Final.
The police will find AFL executives only slightly worse behaved but significantly bigger drinkers.
As for the Crows, finally, that Collective Mind training is starting to pay big dividends.
What a long-term play. Smart.
It’s was 394 days between wins for Adelaide, consisting of 16 morale-sapping losses, which contained some of the worst football you’ll ever see.
But last night, against a Hawthorn side that couldn’t clean the boots of their recent premiership sides, the Crows broke through.
It had a feel of the old Vitas Gerulaitis line, “Let that be a lesson to you all, nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row."
For Hawthorn, I thought they did just enough to be able to defend a charge of tanking.
Clarkson brought his angry self to bare, but instead of motivating his team, they reacted like sullen teenage children. Sullen teenage children who are bad at football.
Clarkson said after the game, ‘We looked flat and lethargic,’ which I can relate to, my family crest has ‘flat and lethargic’ as its motto.
As for the Crows, they have avoided a winless season, and no doubt now count 2020 as a big success, having overachieved.
West Coast (60) v Essendon (45)
This was a game that would have both sets of fans not exactly feeling great about things.
For West Coast, this was a tough win, against a side they would have felt they could have taken care of.
In reality, Essendon beat themselves. They again started too slowly, then at points they threatened to get well on top, but they missed easy chances.
Joe Daniher reminded everyone that as dynamic as he can be, his horrendous goalkicking is a liability. His 0.3 night did more damage to Essendon’s chances than anything the Eagles did.
Add to this frustrating night, the Bombers lost Andrew McGrath to an ankle injury.
The Eagles were of course without Josh Kennedy, but they started well, only to let the Bombers right back in it late in the second half.
The closeness of the second half may explain why Luke Shuey went back on despite having issues with his hamstring. He later went off. Whatever happened to ‘hamstring awareness’ the buzzword of 2019?
In the end, the Eagles got an important win, but they’d want to play a lot better if they’re going to go deep, as we traditionally say, in October.
Tonight
Richmond v Fremantle (Metricon) 7:10pm
The big news for Fremantle is Jesse Hogan will finally play a game, in what feels like a very long time.
Although time moves slower in 2020. It’s now September but it feels more like Purgatory.
Fremantle have shown glimpses of their future this year but really struggled last week against the Giants.
Now they come up against a Richmond side that seems to be finding form on the field, although there still seems to be just as much happening off the field.
Today there was more media coverage of the Cotchins ‘threatening’ or ‘considering’ leaving the hub.
On everyone’s list of priorities in 2020, getting to the bottom of what went on between the Cotchins and Richmond is not high.
My lists of priorities in 2020 are:
· Get back to the pub
· See other humans face to face
· Not feel sad all the time
Pretty simple.
Imagine having the luxury of caring if Trent Cotchin canvassed leaving a hub months ago, an option he never took. That must be nice.
Richmond to win.
At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus
COMMENTS
The g train
Sep 02, 2020
Hawthorn v Adelaide. Astonishing. There’s only one possible explanation: The Titus Effect.
Jack
Sep 02, 2020
Funny, my family crest has "Fat and Lethargic,"
So close, I wonder if we're related
andrew hodder
Sep 02, 2020
Yes, it gladdened our hearts to see Adelaide rack up their first win for the season. Unfortunately it came at the expense of Hawthorn. Having lived in Melbourne through the 90s, I've only ever wished good things to befall Jeff Kennet. Inheriting a stumbling economy from his predecessor, (I know, a recurring thematic) Jeff immediately set about righting some economic wrongs. Got the Casino up and running. Although at the time, we weren't allowed to use the C word. It was referred to as “Melbourne's Family Entertainment Precinct”. Jeff then proceeded to licence 10,000 poker machines around our wonderful leafy suburbs. These measures put Victoria on the road to economic prosperity. A few hundred suicides and several thousand broken homes was a small price to pay. And I remember Jeff's moniker for our license plates...”Victoria On The Move”...I always thought it should have been..”Victoria On The Punt”..
DPMachine
Sep 02, 2020
I’d like to think the crows have found their natural time slot and after next week against GWS, really own it for years to come, much as the Roos owned Friday night football back in the day.
Holden Broke
Sep 02, 2020
Watching the Eagles Essendon game left me confused (again). Umpiring of games has been inconsistent all season, but last night Razor Ray Chamberlain took things to a whole new level, bringing his own personal and arbitrary rule book along to the game. I hope the grand final isn't going to be adjudicated by this man.
Roger Ramjet
Sep 02, 2020
You obviously haven't seen Margetts in action
BLOKE FROM THE OUTER
Sep 02, 2020
ANDREW HODDER Beautifully put and particularly appropriate for Titus' page.
HOLDEN BROKE +1, Razor is terrible. The AFL mistake theatrics for actually being able to do your job. How else can you explain Steve Hocking.
Jonathan Harding
Sep 02, 2020
It doesnt matter what happens in April to August, its what happens in September that counts. #weflyasone #gocrows
andrew hodder
Sep 02, 2020
I just love our commentators and their obsession with certain players. So last night I had the audio only going on the WC v ESS game. I chose to watch instead Barbados stoically defend against a disciplined St Lucia attack. Well every time Essendon went forward, the heightened call was DANIHERRRR. I had him down for 37 marks and 14 goals. Imagine my surprise upon checking the stats and it was actually 6 and 0.
Dr Rudi
Sep 02, 2020
‘We looked flat and lethargic’
Playing 3 games inside 11 days will do that. Four games in 15 days won't improve things.
Keith
Sep 02, 2020
Agree about Razor. I am sure he is a nice chap but I sometimes wonder if he is actually at the game and not self distancing and umpiring off the telly.
Flank Rroyd Wlight
Sep 02, 2020
"I just love our commentators and their obsession with certain players."
Come the Revolution there ought to be a mandatory 10-year prison sentence for commentators who keep referring to players by their first names or nicknames.
Enough with the Dusty and Tex and Joe and Eddie and Jack already!
I'd introduce that law faster than you could say Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti.
ok:FRW
KNDole
Sep 02, 2020
J Harding, Crows September action - would that be the POWER stance they succumbed to in 2017? That's the last September action they've seen and likely to see for a long time yet!
Oldcrowbloke
Sep 02, 2020
AFL finally felt some sympathy for the Crows by giving them 9 days without a loss and then playing the Hawks after a 4 day break. Now for Adelaide to win all their remaining games and lose pick 1.
Floreat Pica
Sep 02, 2020
@ jharding, gee its so easy to reel them in isn't it?
Boatster
Sep 02, 2020
Works nicely in Latin: lassata et insipidum
Boatster
Sep 02, 2020
You called it @GTrain
WARNEy
Sep 02, 2020
I always feel like the commentators like to say 'Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti' to prove how 'woke' they are.
Saint Peter
Sep 02, 2020
Congratulations Titus. You have done an Adelaide - back in form with your best delivery ever. Only concern is have you peaked?? Great commentary on all games. You have lifted & now we wonder what steroid you must have taken. Did you give your friend Lance A a call??
Daniel B
Sep 02, 2020
The AFL must be devastated at the sacrifice of having to hold the grand final at night.
Lawn Patrol
Sep 02, 2020
Great idea to hold the GF at night in a humid October night while the dew settles making the biggest game of the year a skill-shortened mobile scrum. At least the rugby league fans will appreciate it.
If they can get their heads around the no knock-on rule.
Ian
Sep 03, 2020
Are the Crows the only side to win in September and win the wooden spoon???