Feb 05, 2021

AFL

An overview of every AFL version of Monopoly

32 Comments

In recent years, the AFL and many of its clubs have released their own special editions of the classic board game Monopoly.

It’s a perfect fit for the AFL, after all, what describes AFL house better than a corporation that crushes all competitors and then gouges its customers with eye-watering prices?

Here’s a look at all the various editions.

AFL

The AFL version of the game is closest to the original. Players try to collect various stadiums and intellectual properties and then charge anyone that lands on them heavily inflated prices.

Instead of a ‘Get out of Jail’ card, there is a ‘Bury an Embarrassing Scandal’ card to be used when a player lands on ‘Star Player Gets Third Strike Against Them.’

Adelaide

One of the more difficult versions. Players need to avoid the Ramsgate Hotel and any player who lands on ‘Gold Coast preseason camp’ has to stay there forever, listening to the Richmond Football Club theme song on a loop.

Brisbane

Every players’ token is a koala and can have no success until they land on the ‘Merge with Fitzroy’ square. Whoever does this immediately wins the game.

Carlton

Every player starts with a brown paper bag full of cash and, ignoring the normal rules, can just buy whatever they like. Instead of railway stations, there are various pokie venues players can buy.

Getting all four of these gives a player a disproportionate and destabilising amount of control over the board.

Collingwood

Every second square is a jail. Landing on ‘Just Parking’ means any other player can steal your token. One of the ‘Chance’ cards is the ‘Do Better’ report. If you get this, the player must spin the wheel included in the version. They just keep spinning and spinning it until the game ends.

Essendon

Every player rolls a dice and skips across all the blank spaces until they land on the square marked ‘Stand by Hird’ and then they just stay there forever.

Fremantle

Every player rolls a dice which only has negative numbers on it and they go backwards for the entire game.

Geelong

Players land on squares where they receive money from the various state and federal political parties trying to win the marginal seats in the Geelong area. The player with the most government handouts wins and gets to build a Kardinia Park made out of solid gold.

Gold Coast

At the start of the game, every player is given hundreds of millions of dollars from the AFL and then wastes it for the rest of the game purchasing things like ‘Karmichael Hunt’ and ‘Rodney Eade’.

Periodically, the AFL hands them more money.

Greater Western Sydney

The only version of the game that can be played by one person. Instead of tokens, players use actual GWS memberships that are given away with the game.

Hawthorn

Every player rolls the dice and is then showered with premierships as they move around the board. Every player wins.

Melbourne

Impossible to win, every player moves around the board and every square is something worse than the square before. Community Chest cards include ‘hire Mark Neeld as coach, go back ten years’ and ‘Draft Tom Scully and Jack Trengove ahead of Dustin Martin and Nat Fyfe, go directly to the Long Room and drink heavily, do not pass go.’

Three-quarters of the way around players can stop playing.

North Melbourne

Every player is given a ‘war chest’ but can’t use it in the game. Every player starts with the same amount of money as in actual Monopoly, $1500, which is also North’s actual annual budget.

Best to avoid the ‘Party at Glenn Archer’s house’ square which replaces ‘Mayfair’ as the most expensive square to land on.

Port Adelaide

A steep learning curve to this version with the instructions written in Chinese. The ‘Get out of Jail’ card is replaced by a ‘Distract media with a Prison Bars jumper’ debate. Community Chest is called ‘Community Goon bag’.

Richmond

Free Parking square has manure dumped on it so you can’t land there. Players accumulate ‘arrogance’ instead of money and the person with the most arrogance at the end of the game is the winner.

Each token is a bandwagon.

St Kilda

Players lurch from crisis to crisis, trying to avoid landing on squares such as ‘Setting a dwarf on fire’.

The game can only be won once every 148 years.

Sydney

Every time you pass ‘Go’ you get $200 and a Cost of Living Allowance. One player gets the Buddy Franklin token but doesn’t get to actually play.

West Coast

As each player takes their turn, the other players must boo them constantly. Instead of passing ‘Go’ and collecting $200, the player is forced to relitigate the 2006 premiership with a Herald Sun journalist until they just want to scream.  

Western Bulldogs

Nothing much good happens for most of the game, then something amazing happens, only to then return to mediocrity immediately. Whoever wins has to hand the victory to Bob Murphy.  

My book Cheat: The Not-so-subtle Art of Conning Your Way to Sporting Glory is out now.

COMMENTS

Denis

Feb 05, 2021

Great work Titus very funny 😂

Pete

Feb 05, 2021

How is it possible you are getting funnier? Brilliant as always.

Peter B

Feb 05, 2021

The sequel will be Cheat 2, How (not to) subtle art of conning your way to AFL Monopoly glory.
Coming to a bookstand near you, watch for it and don't miss your copy!

Faye Dapiran

Feb 05, 2021

Very funny, I love them all. Geelong could have been a bit funnier, but that’s all

harpo Harper

Feb 05, 2021

your a bloody genius titus

Borissimo

Feb 05, 2021

Laughing

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Feb 05, 2021

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Peter Ray

Feb 05, 2021

Funny ... realistic ... and no Fitzroy version!!😳😢😁😡

Vig

Feb 05, 2021

Ripping effort but no reference to retreating to ski chalets for Melbourne members?!

John Biddle

Feb 05, 2021

Expected some sort of comedy take on these games rather than straight descriptions of them which you could get just from reading the back of the boxes.

MalthouseHarleyZempilasMcLachlanandmyself

Feb 05, 2021

A very proud day for AFL satire

Stewy from Newy

Feb 05, 2021

FAYE DAPIRAN too close to the bone to be funny eh? Just like an episode of Utopia. Ok alright then, it could have had retirement home references but it was too obvious.

Great work Titus, this plus a podcast has made my week. Oh and Eddies performance I should give credit.

Come back Norm Smith all is forgiven

Feb 05, 2021

With the Melbourne version every player must make a donation when they pass Go. Community chest is a raffle ticket and every chance card is another bloody scarf.

Lucas Lewit-Mendes

Feb 05, 2021

Love it!!

Russell

Feb 05, 2021

A great piece - thanks - sums up state of play quite nicely.

Beau from Beaumaris

Feb 05, 2021

You are, like a good wine, or Scotch, getting better with age.
And the Geelong game describes the key to financial stability absolutely perfectly (to paraphrase Jenny Mikakos). Nothing beats a marginal seat.

Eric

Feb 05, 2021

Is it correct that there are no coloured squares on the Collingwood version?

Confused AFL fan

Feb 05, 2021

I don't get the WCE one. Relitigation? Herald Sun journalist? I don't recall any litigation after the 2006 season.

Grannies4Rampe

Feb 05, 2021

But where is your analysis of AFLW games?

Lisa Ockenden

Feb 05, 2021

As a pies supporter I was expecting worse. Thanks for the laughs Titus.

Son of a plugger

Feb 05, 2021

A bit harsh on St Kilda, Titus. With a bit more luck, they could surely win the game every 74 years. So, more or less, once in a lifetime.

Radelaide Rob

Feb 05, 2021

Not bad Titus. You let Hawthorn off lightly, in true Vic media style

PeteDocker

Feb 05, 2021

Fremantle: You sit out the first half of the game, then get given the Fyfe, Walters, Mundy and Pavlich cards. Near the point of winning you hand all your cards to the worst player in the team who is now to be referred to as Coach. Coach wins the game by effectively wasting these cards.

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Bernadette

Feb 06, 2021

Aaaahhh..... the return of footy and Titus. Lovely !!!

Lunch With Groucho

Feb 09, 2021

And yet.

And yet.

The singular of dice is "die" (as in "the die is cast"). You can't roll a dice.

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Lunch With Groucho

Feb 09, 2021

And yet.

And yet.

The singular of dice is "die" (as in "the die is cast"). You can't roll a dice.

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JR

Feb 09, 2021

PML at the Port Adelaide Chinese Edition!!

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steve murrell

Feb 16, 2021

Brilliant work as usual Titus!

not the Carlton one

Feb 19, 2021

I Del Cailis play for the bombers?

T

Mar 09, 2021

The Richmond version is ok these days but it used to come with a really dodgy board that would fall apart halfway through the game.

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