Mar 13, 2019


Bulldogs reveal worst jumper in the history of the entire universe



The Western Bulldogs have unveiled the most horrible jumper in the history of Australian Rules, a fair effort, and have weirdly tried to promote it as a positive.

The jumper, a tie in with the Marvel character Thor, has shown that the Hawthorn Football Club hadn’t plumped the depths of jumper design as previously thought.

A spokesperson for the Western Bulldogs said the jumper, which will, unfortunately, be worn for real in round one, was a shameless cash grab and had netted the club $17.

“We think fans will embrace this monstrosity, after all, it’s not like Bulldogs supporters aren’t some of the most passionate fans around who have fought and bled to keep this community club around for decades. The jumper means nothing to them.”

“Sure, have pride in the jumper but also have pride in the Disney Corporation and its subsidiary entertainment properties.”

The AFL said it welcomed the further commercialisation of the game, with a source at AFL house calling for other entertainment tie ins.

“A Saw movie franchise tie in is in the works, and we’re also keen to have a jumper that celebrates the AFL’s close relationship with pokie machines.”

The Thor jumper is being offered for sale to fans in perhaps the most optimistic move since the AFL thought a shortened version of the game would be popular.

Titus has a new show at this year's Melbourne International Comedy Festival. On sale now.


Gerard F Rosman

Mar 13, 2019

"Plumped" the depths? Really? Surely you mean plumbed.
And nothing is as bad as the shiny, gold, Hawthorn jumper that looks like it was designed by Dame Edna's son.


Mar 13, 2019

It’s bad, but not even in the top 10. Hawthorn still has the top 5 sewn up: Power Rangers, Blue Diamonds, Pink Ribbons (good cause, awful jumper), Diagonal Brown Stripes, and Kokoda.
Crows, Dockers and Eagles have all had worse than this. And don’t forget Carlton’s Grey Stains from last year.


Mar 13, 2019

Hawthorn- We have the worst designed jumper of all time.....

Bulldogs- Here hold my drink.


Mar 13, 2019

Yeah no-one really "thort" that one through!


Mar 13, 2019

Someone pointed this out on Twitter today - can anyone else see the "rooster and spheres" on this jumper? Now you can't unsee it...

Bloke from the Outer

Mar 14, 2019

Hawthorn's standard jumper is worse than any other monstrosity past or present. Who would willing wear yellow and brown stripes.


Mar 14, 2019

Looks like dropped the balls here, or are they steel eggs??

Pope Paul VII

Mar 15, 2019

Talk about gone to the dogs.

David anthonisen

Mar 15, 2019

Worst jumper i have ever seen .to me we have only one jumper.the original red white and blue the one worn by our great teddy whitten, all these other darn jumpers are just rubbish .😡😡😡😡

Cammo Dude

Apr 05, 2019

Aw, come on. I think you must be having a seniors moment if you think that is the worst jumper of all time. You only have to go back to last year's Carlton's away jumper to beat it, let alone Hawthorn's jumper that looked like it should be on the male chorus from Blazing Saddles.

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