Emergency Management Australia threat warning: Richmond lose to GWS | Titus O'Reily

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Emergency Management Australia threat warning: Richmond lose to GWS

Emergency Management Australia (EMA), the Australian Government lead for disaster and emergency management, is warning all Australians to prepare for a Richmond loss this weekend.

In a statement released on their website, the agency advised Victorians to ‘flee the state of Victoria’ and ‘not to expect to ever be able to return’.

The agency said people should leave early to beat the traffic and not wait for the outcome of the game, suggesting even three-quarter time might be too late.

Under the Australian Government’s GWS Victory Emergency Plan, Victoria will be sacrificed, as will parts of southern NSW and eastern South Australia.

The plan also prioritises evacuating likely targets such as the AFL board, Andrew Demetriou and the Tarago the GWS supporters travelled to the game in.

EMA says essential services are likely to cease working within hours of a Tigers loss, as roving bands of Richmond supporters destroy essential infrastructure ‘like a zombie apocalypse come to life’.

If trapped by Richmond supporters, citizens are advised to distract them with alcohol.

Outside of Victoria, ASIO says it is currently monitoring isolated groups of Richmond supporters and is advocating communities to be alert to the danger within their midst.

EMA has advised that putting as much distance between yourself and any Richmond supporter is the best approach, with large groups considered especially dangerous.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said the government was monitoring the situation carefully.

“If the Richmond footballing team lose the NRL Grand Final, we expect the complete collapse of society south of the Murray River.”

“The government stands ready to deal with this crisis but I’m hopeful Richmond can outshoot their opponents.”

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Mick 21 September 2017

Oh, perfect Titus.

Other dangers to self include snorting my morning coffee out my nose in front of everyone.

Bree 21 September 2017

Haha, ditto

Adam 21 September 2017

You really could write this article on the chance they win too...regardless the great Victorian Diaspora of 2017 begins.

Perhaps Brian Taylor can lead non-richmond victorians out of harms way by parting the seas of Port Phillip Bay.

"Let my people go...Wowweeeeeee"

Mike 21 September 2017

As a bonus, with a few quick word changes, this advice can be redistributed to help prepare for a Richmond win!

Peter Atkinson 21 September 2017

A win would be worse - they are conditioned to losing the important games

Texas 21 September 2017

Oh the sight of a victorious Tiger Army of 95000 and the ROAR if they make the Granny - it will be heard in every corner of the globe!!!

Suzie OBrien 21 September 2017

I have taken the initiative at my company by disposing of any implements of destruction. This includes all scissors, letter openers, kitchen cutlery and most importantly the microwave oven! I have masking tape at the ready and we have a committee of volunteers to restrain any and all threats of violence due to the loss or even worse - the victory. God help us all!!!!!

Michael O 21 September 2017

Don't forget to send RAMSI back to Honiara to keep peace and order as there is one very feral Richmond supporter there who cause great destruction to the Honiara golf club hehe

David S 21 September 2017

More the point what happens in Adelaide if the Crows lose, maybe a week of silence with a state funeral or if you don't follow them happy days even if your teams out.

maftek 21 September 2017

Nothing ever happens in Adelaide expect for the odd sporting unrelated grizzly murder every so often

Peter Bruce. 21 September 2017

Well we had the Brisbane Line during WW2, maybe it's time for the Wagga Wagga Line. Or a latter day Hadrian's Wall. Who could we name that for?

Barbara 22 September 2017

Call it The Dusty Wall. Might need it anyway if he doesn't win on Monday night

R.Walls 21 September 2017

It was good to see the whole staff of the AFL work a defensive spread before settling on my famous huddle this morning when they were under attack. I' ve said for years that you need an effective defence and then you should bully and belittle weaker individuals through unfair boxing match ups to sort out the wimps.

Ray 21 September 2017

GWS supporters must have had a lot of luggage did they?

Simon 22 September 2017

Orange Kevlar is quite bulky

Ian 21 September 2017

They could also win the VFL grand final on Sunday and are a fair chance for that medal thingy on Monday

Gizmo 21 September 2017

It's a shame the AFL couldn't have planned the finals series at the same time as the next federal election. Otherwise we could have had the Western Sydney pork-barrel express coming down to cheer on the Giants

Nick 22 September 2017

I reckon this might actually happen. I am sure riot police are on standby !

Nick 22 September 2017

"Tarago of GWS supporters" that's gold Titus!

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