The Hawthorn Football Club today announced that they ‘couldn’t be happier’ and everything was just going perfectly.

“We’ve had a great few weeks,” said chief executive Stuart Fox, leaning back in his chair with an air of supreme satisfaction.

“Winning the Premiership again was really nice and now my phone won’t stop ringing with great players desperate to come here.”

“I’d be furious if I was at another club but thankfully, I’m not. Can you imagine? Awful.”

Senior coach Alastair Clarkson said he was really enjoying life and was a little bit embarrassed by how easily Hawthorn were topping up their list.

“You have to laugh. We win the premiership and now we're going to be even better. Viva free agency!”

“I’ve gone more than a week without being angry. This is new territory for me.”

Hawthorn president Andrew Newbold said he was thrilled to acquire James Frawley and Jono O’Rourke and was hopeful of getting a few more players.

“This off-season stuff is a lot of fun. The AFL has it set up perfectly, in my opinion. I just couldn’t be happier and I often find myself just smiling when I’m alone.”

“I’m sure that even footy fans of other clubs are thrilled to see how well we are going.”

Stuart Fox said he was struggling to find a negative at the moment.

“The only negative for me at the moment is that I believe we could be selling more pet memberships. A lot more.”