A Highly Unhelpful Guide to the AFL Trade Period | Titus O'Reily

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A Highly Unhelpful Guide to the AFL Trade Period

The AFL Trade Period has officially started. Here’s how it actually works.

  1. North Melbourne announce they have built up a ‘War Chest’ and make huge offers to the biggest free agents
  2. The top free agents spurn North Melbourne, instead using their interest to drive up new deals with their existing clubs
  3. People on Big Footy forums make up ridiculous trade rumours
  4. Mainstream media run these trade rumours as fact
  5. Players announce they’re leaving the Crows
  6. A fully grown adult cites ‘homesickness’ as a reason they want out of a club.
  7. Fremantle make their annual announcement that they are interested in Jesse Hogan, like your mate who says he’s interested in Jennifer Lawrence every now and then
  8. Media announce Jesse Hogan is off to Freo
  9. Exact same media break the news that Hogan is not off to Fremantle and act like they never raised the original story in the first place
  10. Collingwood announces they’re going to be a ‘big player’ in the trade period.
  11. You read an article on who your team needs
  12. Your team gets none of these players
  13. Trade period actually starts
  14. Twitter explodes
  15. Players with existing, legally binding contracts, announce they will not honour them
  16. Players also refuse to let their existing team take the highest possible offer, instead announcing they will go to a specific club or nominate for the draft
  17. The player’s existing club says they will force them into the draft ‘if they have to.’
  18. Player is traded to the club they want
  19. Essendon prove difficult to deal with
  20. Collingwood signs a veteran no one else wants and still pay overs. This is all they do in the trade period.

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Comments

Captain FatNavel 9 October 2017

21. Players cite homesickness as reason for wanting a trade, and people go all gooey wooey, player cites wanting to go to team likely to play finals and is pilloried.

Wes Mantooth 9 October 2017

19. Essendon prove difficult to deal with

This one never gets old. EntFC fans protest and say "look at the Ryder trade, the Carlisle trade, how can we be hard to trade with?"

But we all know how much they overvalue their own players.

Shauno 9 October 2017

The Carlisle Cocaine stitch up

PJ 9 October 2017

That was nothing to sniff at.

abre 9 October 2017

Hawthorn says they're going to have a quiet trade period then all hell breaks loose and they end up being one of the biggest players in trade week...

Anonymous 9 October 2017

6. If you are talking about an Essendon player, please get all the facts first. This guy has had a death in the family. Its not just about homesickness. And; even if it was, it is something that actually exists you know, its a form of grieving.

Most men don't feel much and big tough men who play AFL, feel even less. Come on guys open up its good for your health.

Randall 9 October 2017

Where is Essendon mentioned in #6?

There are plenty of examples of homesickness at other clubs. Freo has a young talented player who wants to return to Vic. Luckily freo will do the right thing for him andlet hom go.

The real deal #136 9 October 2017

I think you're on the wrong forum matey...

Matt 9 October 2017

I figure I should point out this is satire. Maybe you need a trigger warning on every article Titus? 'Anonymous' is right though. Snakey leaver is going purely for family. No cash here chopper.

Richard 9 October 2017

Thanks for being so forthright, Anonymous

Rexy 9 October 2017

Homesickness is code for wanting to leave the Crows.
Jake Lever, Jack Gunston, Patty Dangerfield, Kurt Tippett (who then decided that cash ruled and moved to the Swans instead of the Lions), Jon Griffen, the list goes on...

Marty Moose 10 October 2017

Gold. Only one who wants to go to Adelaide is Nick Xenophon.

Whistleblower 10 October 2017

Does the name Ablett ring a bell?!?

Mac Hawk 11 October 2017

What the hell has this got to do with drugs and obstinate list managers?

Josh Wacky 9 October 2017

Sheesh. Essendon hard to deal with? What satire? Where?

Scott 9 October 2017

Homesickness? Most of us couldn't be out of our home cities quick enough.

Gerryg 9 October 2017

I’m just at work today and I’m homesick

Duffman 9 October 2017

And an old favourite of mine in trade week, every deal that involves more than just a straight swap between 2 clubs will be described by the media as "highly complex"

Bloke from the outer 10 October 2017

Agreed Duffman. I think they might need to get in Henry Kissinger or, if he's unavailable, Koffi Annan, for some of the incredibly complex deals. Maybe a bit of Roger Penrose to help with the math. Jesus wept.

Shane 9 October 2017

I’m really homesick too. I’m at work and would much rather be at home. Failing that I’d rather be at a different work, doing the same thing but for more money.

Gold 9 October 2017

A young star joins an actual AFL club after finishing their 'gap year' in Brisvegas or the Gold Coast

Gold 9 October 2017

Sydney get locked out of the draft for trading within the rules. Unless preventing a marquee player going to the AFLs pet project is against the rules.

Timmy La 9 October 2017

Gary Lyon predicts Jack Watts will be traded because he is doesnt try and that Melbourne want fair compensation or they will keep him.
Collingwood ignores its depth chart and trades for another midfielder - who doesnt play
Carlton target a fringe GWS player
Gold Coast address Gary Ablett Jr rumours once and for all

But on a serious note, I can only hope Hawthorn complete another comedy move like getting Ty Vickery. Chris Mayne or Shaun Hampson for late first would do.

Bloke from the outer 10 October 2017

Harsh on Hampson. He has been OK for the tiges. He's a good mark and can win the ball around the ground. Injury has been his achilles.

Anyway, we got the other Carlton ruckman, Grigg.

Gold 9 October 2017

In an attempt to not be a mediocre team, West Coast trade for a mediocre player

Simon 9 October 2017

You forgot the Super deal. Involving multiple players from multiple clubs and multiple picks.

Prince of Dimness 10 October 2017

Its like pinball MULTIBALL.

Brent 9 October 2017

While mowing the lawn yesterday, I suddenly had a wave of homesickness wash over me! I rushed straight back inside and drew the curtains

Alex 9 October 2017

5b - the crows don't care - they'll generate another star to take his spot until the cycle repeats.

21 - no trades will happen until the final 48 hours.

Riley 9 October 2017

21 - Draftees who declare that they want to be long term players at a club and that they will not be affected by homesickness end up wanting a trade declaring their homesickness a couple years afterwards

Chris 10 October 2017

Pay me $350k to work in a different city and I’ll get over homesickness pretty quickly.

Huzz 10 October 2017

A case of the truth not needing embellishment to read as satire. Still funny, but.

Lightning Jim 10 October 2017

21. The excruciatingly slow pace of trade week, induces mania and psychosis in supporters waiting for news about their club's activity.

Firthy 10 October 2017

Nice work. Hoping the bombers aren’t difficult to deal with this year...forlorn hope?

Toxteth OGrady 10 October 2017

Sometimes a player will get specific enough to cite a sick grandparent, to only then remember they never really liked them when another club offers more cash.

Mooks 10 October 2017

Club list manager states Player X is a required player and will not be traded under any circumstances. By end of trade period we do, indeed, find Player X has been traded .

Deano 11 October 2017

Josh Caddy says hi.

Tigers Fan 13 October 2017

This used to be one of my favorite times of year.

For some reason now i don't give a shit.

Wally Edwards 17 October 2017

I thought it was cricket season?

Mike Honcho 17 October 2017

I love how Norf have built a war chest on hand outs from the other 17 "big" clubs. Only to use it to force the big 17 to pay more for their own players.

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