Apr 08, 2019
Melbourne fan has only decades of experience to deal with current woes
Melbourne fan Sebastian Connington said he was managing to get through the team’s 0-3 start to the season by drawing on over 40 years of experience of being let down.
“I’m lucky I guess, the way I’m feeling now is pretty much the same as I’ve felt my entire adult life.”
“I’ve come to accept that I have never been happy and it’s almost certain now that I never will be.
“That’s not to say I’ve completely given up. Our current position is nothing a ten-game winning streak can’t fix.”
Connington said the loss for the Bombers had shaken him to the core.
“Not that it happened, but that how could it not have happened?”
“Should anything in this life be so predictable?
“I just thought I’d have to have children to be let down so much by a group of people.”
While things had been tough, Connington said he’d been through worse times.
“I’d name them all, but you probably don’t have several years set aside to hear them.”
“My worst nightmare is I’ll be too old to enjoy a Melbourne Premiership when it does happen. The nurse will come into my room and say ‘The Dees won the Premiership Sebastian! Blink if you understand’.”
“I comfort myself that such a scenario will never happen because our Sun will expand and engulf the solar system before collapsing into a white dwarf and still my Demons won’t have won one.”
Mr Connington said as in previous tough times, he was drawing heavily on the support of his school alumni.
Titus will be performing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from 27 March to 21 April.
Tickets Here: https://www.frontiercomedy.com/titusoreily
You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus