Jul 02, 2018


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Fifteen


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Richmond (93) v Swans (67)

It was a weekend of footy that proved we don’t need to tinker with the game all the time, but instead, give the players and coaches a bit of time to figure things out.

Despite my tips resembling the Socceroos World Cup campaign, this was a thoroughly enjoyable round.

It included seeing one of the best things I’ve seen at the footy.

I was sitting on the second level at Etihad behind the goals at this game, and the Swans first goal saw the ball land a row in front of me, to be marked in a pack of spectators, by none other than Leo Barry.

A guy right behind me, without missing a beat yelled out "Leo Barry, you star!"

Footy is awesome.

This was a more interesting game than the scoreline suggests. The Swans were right in it until late, but the Tigers just squeeze their opponents so well and make them make mistakes.

And the Swans made a lot of them. Breaking down on their half-forward line in a comedy of errors.

Richmond are a great team to watch at the moment. What they do is apply pressure through their structure all game, and they stick to that structure no matter what. They don’t panic if the opposition are ahead or if they are not ahead by ten goals, even if they’re dominating.

That just stay disciplined. Trap you in their forward half and know that most teams will eventually break.

I was talking to a few Tiger fans after the game, and they sounded like people trapped in the greatest dream you can ever have. I would have liked to have talked to them more, but the police shut the door to the divvy van.

This was tough, physical affair with a dash of spite in it.

Reece Conca did his ankle and had to go off on the cart, Nick Vlastuin elbowed Luke Parker in the head, and Buddy shoved Rance in the throat.

Buddy is lucky he’s Buddy, or he would have been suspended.

Despite the ill will, If this is what finals are going to look like, I’m all in.

Western Bulldogs (103) v Geelong (101)

Now, this is a Friday night game we deserve.

It had everything, lead changes, kung-fu style goals, a redhead setting the forward line alight and another player being injured on the LED signage.

I thought they were going to fix that. Luckily, it was only Patrick Dangerfield, a fringe player and just the President of the players union, so no issues there.

The final quarter was one for the ages; both teams had moments to win the game, with Ed Richards continuing to make the Bulldogs fans fall in love with him, only for Gary Ablett to crumb a goal to remind everyone he’s a pretty decent player too.

It led to an intense remaining few seconds when Geelong went forward and Harry Taylor to take a mark in the 50, with the siren sounding. A gaol would win it for the Cats.

The crowd went crazy. Cats fans lived in hope, while Bulldogs fans prayed Taylor would miss.

To put Taylor off, every Bulldogs player got behind the mark, and it seemed large sections of the crowd as well.

It worked. Taylor sprayed wide, and the Dogs had won a thriller.

Cats supporters couldn’t believe it. An injury-plagued Dogs side had beat them, playing like the 2016 Bulldogs.

Carlton (69) v Port Adelaide (90)

A big thank you to Carlton for being reliable when it comes to tipping.

Even Kade Simpson's 300th game couldn’t get the Blues past Port.

They seemed keen to give Simpson a rare win early on, but the reality of their ability descended like a wet blanket on proceedings.

Charlie Curnow continued his impressive form, and Patrick Cripps was great again, but the Power just had too much polish in the second half.

I feel for Simpson. He’s right up there with Nathan Jones as a player who has given it his all only to watch others around him stuff things up.

I think that’s why those players are so popular; we can all relate to working in such an environment. How often do you do something at work, only to find no one else has done their bit?

Happens to me all the time, and I work alone. Often current me will look back at past me and think ‘why did he watch Netflix all day when he was meant to write this thing?”

Future me will often then look back at current me and thing ‘what this guy wrote is terrible, and now I have to do it again.”

Adelaide (88) v West Coast (78)

It was all Collective Mind’s fault.

A win and no hamstring injuries showed the ‘mental training whatever nonsense they are selling’ company was behind all of the Crows woes.

I would go a step further and say it’s now clear that everything bad in the world is Collective Mind’s fault.

That includes that volcano in Hawaii, North Korea, Barry Hall’s commentary and The Logies.

I woke up this morning to extensive coverage about The Logies in the mainstream media. It was like they believe people care about them.

Being nominated for a Logie is like finding out someone you find creepy is into you.

Just on Barry Hall, I feel good now that we know where the line is.

Thank goodness Triple M reacted so swiftly and sacked a fringe commentator. Like all those sackings of key people when the joked about drowning a woman, or likened Adam Goodes to King Kong.

We need to send a clear message about respect for women, and anyone who has Wayne Carey on their payroll is clearly committed to that.

This is the normal outcome of the idiotic, blokey culture foisted on us by Triple M and in a slightly more watered-down version by Channel Seven.

Football has built and protected this culture, and now they all pretend to be shocked and offended by it.

It a stain on the game that goes against all the inclusion talk the AFL serve up but don’t deliver when it comes to taking on the boys’ club that surrounds the game.

Why don’t they take it on? Because they’re part of it. Taking it on is as unnatural to them as cutting off your own arm. They know these guys behave appallingly but they are all ‘mates’, and that’s more important than anything else in their view.

No one in footy is surprised by this, and again, no one will do anything that addresses the root cause of the problem. Hall in many ways is irrelevant, he’ll be replaced by another version, and we’ll be talking about this all again soon.

Gold Coast (60) v Collingwood (99)

Collingwood are second on the ladder. Second.

Looking at Richmond in first and Collingwood in second place is perhaps the best argument I’ve seen to change all the rules of the game.

It’s tough out there with all those happy Collingwood supporters. People have to work with them and see them around the neighbourhood.

I’ve never been so glad I live in an affluent suburb where that doesn’t happen.

You know Collingwood are going well because Eddie hasn’t attacked the Sydney clubs all year.

I keep hoping this Collingwood resurgence is just a mirage, and they’ll soon hit turbulence, but they’d want to get a hurry on, this is starting to look serious.

Gold Coast have now lost nine in a row. Stuart Dew said he was rapt the team didn’t give up after halftime.

You know the bar is set low when not giving up is seen as a reason to earn plaudits.

In fact, Dew’s post game’s comments seemed more directed at a group of Auskickers, not a professional sporting organisation made up of adults.

Perhaps the major difference between the Suns and a group of Auskickers is the kids have a passion for the game and can hit targets.

Greater Western Sydney (95) v Hawthorn (84)

If it weren’t for their inaccuracy in front of goal, the Giants would have won this by a lot more.

The Giants, in fact, kicked 1.8 in the second term leaving the home crowd sitting in stunned silence.

Well, I think that was why, it was at Spotless so that could just have been the normal crowd noise.

Hawthorn would be regretting taking just one midfielder into the game, Tom Mitchell, who had 50 possessions.

Mitchell has had 50 possessions three times in his career; no other player has done it more than once.

He has a special gene that makes him immune to leather poisoning.

The result means the Giants are now in sixth place and if they keep getting their best players back from injury, they could make a run. I’m not saying panic, but it’s certainly time to start thinking about panicking.

Melbourne (117) v St Kilda (119)

It’s hard to cope with a loss like this. All I’ve got is an entire lifetime of similar experiences to draw on.

This was a game Melbourne simply had to win. There are no excuses. It was an abysmal performance on their home ground, against a side that has struggled all year.

The Dees players in recent weeks have seemed to have forgotten that defending is the job of every player.

Watching the Saints waltz out of the Dees forward half and score every time got old pretty quickly.

The Saints deserve all the credit. They ran harder, tackled harder and played smarter.

Time and again, the ball would go forward for Melbourne, and every Dees player would go up, leaving at least one Saints player on the ground able to crumb and sweep it away.

The end score flattered the Dees. They suddenly got interested in the final few minutes, but it was too little too late.

Melbourne may want to change the narrative about the club, but even a narrative needs actions, not words to change.

Essendon (125) v North Melbourne (108)

This game was like an injection of adrenaline into your brain.

Everything good about football was here, and no rule change had been required.

It was a shootout with players taking risks, and in the main, they paid off.

148 points were on the board at halftime following some of the most frenetic footy you’ll see this year.

North rued the absence of Ben Jacobs, meaning the Bombers midfield ran amok all day, often right up to the centre corridor.

It was another example that makes Bombers supporters wonder what was going on in the first eight rounds.

But they’d take this. Five wins in the past six games, exciting football and Jake Stringer kicking goals.

People would be happy for them if they weren’t Essendon.

Fremantle (64) v Brisbane (119)

The Dockers lost Aaron Sandilands during the warm-up and Nat Fyfe in the second quarter, but this still doesn’t explain being belted by the Lions in Perth.

The Lions, despite showing flashes of competency at times this year, had only won a single game before this.

Brisbane to their credit were excellent, they were the one team showing an interest in the game, and it paid off, with them winning every single quarter.

I have no idea what Freo where doing. They seemed more lost than a couple in IKEA.

In the third quarter, they didn’t even put up any opposition. For such a master coach, Ross Lyon seems to have a team that doesn’t have much structure.

Titus has a new live show ‘Manifestly Inadequate’and new dates to announce.

They are his traditional bye round tour wrapping up the 2018 season and previewing the finals.

The dates are:

4 August- Hobart

27 August- Canberra

29 August- Perth

31 August- Sydney

1 September- Melbourne

2 September- Adelaide

Ticket available here: http://www.frontiercomedy.com/titusoreily

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls.

Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus



Jul 02, 2018

A footy fan had a good moment at Etihad? Ha, ha,ha.

That may be the funniest thing you've written yet.

Bloke from the Outer

Jul 02, 2018

'I would have liked to have talked to them more, but the police shut the door to the divvy van.'

So the police were locking you up for your own good Titus; saves you from seeing the Dees capitulate yet again.


Jul 02, 2018

My worst tipping/guesses week ever - 2/9 - and I'm not the only one (Hi Titus). Obviously I/we should have picked the teams considered by pretty well everyone who had an opinion as unlikely to win. Just as well that, in my case, no money was involved.


Jul 02, 2018

The Tigers played the Saints on Thursday Titus? That's harsh on the Swans. Was this intended or a mind fade?


Jul 02, 2018

Great stuff Titus. I especially liked your broader comments about Triple M, and Barry Hall.

I think you have a typo in the title of the first game. You have Richmond playing St Kilda, whereas we all know St Kilda was clobbering Melbourne this round (Sorry!)

HuggyB from Brisbane

Jul 02, 2018

I like the link "Ticket available here" it's like Titus doesn't expect many to turn up. Brisbane snubbed. C'mon get back up here


Jul 02, 2018

Just on the Barry Hall thing-I think for the first time Titus, I don't agree with you. Barry hall has made a bizarre and crude comment-I can't guess where it's come from,but he's copped his whack-they're only words and nobody died. I hate stupid comments like that, but that doesn't mean that the blokey banter of the Triple M guys is wrong-I thoroughly enjoy it and if you don't -turn the dial mate.The bigger issue for me here and online generally , is that seemingly normal people like you ,pontificate about anything and everything that you don't like and try to shout down the many different views that people possess.What a dull joint this will be, if nobody ever does or says anything stupid
We're going alright in this Country and it's not because of the input of a shrill minority trying to socially engineer change, to suit themselves.It's quite reasonable, if someone steps outside the acceptable norms of behaviour, they will get dealt with-no Torches and pitchforks required!


Jul 02, 2018

"An injury-plagued Dogs side had beat them, playing like the 2016 Bulldogs."

That can't be right Titus.....the Dogs only won the free kick count by 3, not 23!


Jul 02, 2018

@Brent....you are a sad man. MMM are hypocrites for sacking Hall but not Eddie for worse....I can imagine you booing Goodes and thinking "this is just good Aussie fun and me exercising my right to 'free (hate) speech"....what a jerk.


Jul 02, 2018

Oh silly me, I thought the Richmond supporters were in the divvy van, not Titus!

Darren S

Jul 02, 2018

Jump off that high horse mate.
This i satire. It’s written to deliver laughs.
If you’re looking for hard facts or strong opinions, scroll on past Titus’ weekly masterpiece.

Grammer Nazi

Jul 02, 2018

Maaaaate ...
Yuo have 2-3 glearing spelling or grammer erors evey week.
This week - "A gaol would win it for the Cats."!

Let me now if you want my asistance.



Jul 02, 2018

Thanks for the tip mate-re read what Titus said-funny remarks draw funny responses, serious comments draw....Getting it now?

Richard Woods

Jul 02, 2018

Er, your summation of the Adelaide v West Coast game was a little light on for detail wasn't it? First class 'Barry Hall' rant though, just a pity the game didn't get a mention - the Crows actually played one really almost alright quarter - and WON!


Jul 02, 2018

What an idiotic reply! Take your angst and shove it up your Jaksy-did a big bad footy player call you a weakling when you were young?
If so-Poor you- But you do illustrate my point-when your shared opinion is challenged, you respond with a screechingly shrill response that doesn't make an argument , just a vile uneducated allegation. Moron!


Jul 02, 2018

@Richard Woods ... good point. Found myself getting into the Sunday games and thinking 'where are the Crows?'.

To be fair to Titus, that was how it has felt being a Crows supporter this last month

oh, yeah and @Brent, Titus is taking the piss as usual, but on a serious issue. Reckon you don't have to be a complete snowflake to acknowledge there are some unpleasant cultural issues mentioned here.


Jul 02, 2018

Haha pure gold in relation to the past me, current me and future me.

John Nicholls

Jul 02, 2018

You're defending Barry Hall's comment, yes you are. Wake up to yourself mate. You are the shrill minority.


Jul 02, 2018

Brent. It's all about treatng people as human beings. You should try it sometime.

What is your problem

Jul 02, 2018

Not much about Port either @Richard Woods, but gee weren't Carlton good ;)

The Captain

Jul 02, 2018

“It was all Collective Mind’s fault.
A win and no hamstring injuries showed the ‘mental training whatever nonsense they are selling’ company was behind all of the Crows woes.”

Spot-on, Titus.
Now all you need to do is muzzle the parasites writing the same crap stories day after day, as if they all left footy and went straight to doing a PhD in psychology in between grubbing out a living as poor imitations of journalists.


Jul 02, 2018

Thank goodness Triple M reacted so swiftly and sacked a fringe commentator. Like all those sackings of key people when the joked about drowning a woman, or likened Adam Goodes to King Kong.

We need to send a clear message about respect for women, and anyone who has Wayne Carey on their payroll is clearly committed to that.

Thanks for that Titus, I thought it was just me.....Why does Eddie still have a job?

Lisa D

Jul 02, 2018

What on earth was funny about that comment at all? This isn't about pitch forks and torches, this is about men showing some respect for women and not reducing them to the object of vulgar, sexual innuendo. I am so over being told that I am disrespecting others view when I call out sexist, misogynist behaviour, which apparently is "the norm". There was nothing "normal" about that comment. Also Brent, I make up 50.2% of the population hardly the "shrill minority". I would suggest that the only person who is shrill is you, especially given your inability to construct an argument, instead descending into abusing people and name calling which you have so 'articulately' demonstrated in the above response.


Jul 02, 2018

Thanks for the write up on Carlton V Port. Must have been a strange game because there was only one team playing according to you. I thought it took 2 to tango.


Jul 02, 2018

Spot on Brent, virtue signalling from a comic who seems to have forgotten what he gets paid for- is there anyone left in Oz that isn't outraged by something or another ?


Jul 02, 2018

Yes, Brent, your posts on the other hand were a paragon of thought and reason and grace, weren't they?


Jul 02, 2018

You didn't even watch the Crows v Weagles game did you? It also seems that you never even watched the highlights or looked up the stats on the AFL App... Just admit it!

Otherwise, why would the whole game summary be about Bazza who made inappropriate comments in another game...?!?


Jul 02, 2018

Oh for FFS, relax Angel. The sky hasn't fallen and the sun will come up tomorrow. People say dumb things - everyone does ! Most of the time the words are just misused and are not meant to offend. Have you never said anything that came out wrong ? Virtue signalling doesn't make you a better person - take a few deep breaths.


Jul 02, 2018

Oh for FFS, relax Angel. The sky hasn't fallen and the sun will come up tomorrow. People say dumb things - everyone does ! Most of the time the words are just misused and are not meant to offend. Have you never said anything that came out wrong ? Virtue signalling doesn't make you a better person - take a few deep breaths.


Jul 02, 2018

Can I suggest some people should take a chill pill and read the disclaimer at the start? I look forward eagerly to Titus’ contributions, and some of the comments are also amusing. How about the trolls stick to the Herald Sun comments section?


Jul 02, 2018

Sorry guys you've completely missed the message here that Titus was making. Blinkers, deaf ears, ignorance, whatever.


Jul 02, 2018

Excellent comment Jack.

Dark Dirk

Jul 02, 2018

Is it true Melbourne's secret gameplan is to follow Jordan Lewis' hair-line?


Jul 02, 2018

Bazzaz comments reminded me of another class comment on Triple M (Adelaide) when Andrew Jarman was giving Dom Cassisi some 'vigorous' advice on inducing labor (don't know if you remember?)... those two peas should co host a 'house of wellness' style shit show

Blue Dog Lawrence

Jul 02, 2018

Was it a typo? - "a gaol would win it for the Cats" I thought that was for the Tigers' supporters....

Bob Dylan

Jul 02, 2018

I get where Brent is coming from but I can see why some don't like his execution. I come here and listen to Titus' podcast for sports flavoured humour but he loses me a bit when he comes across as using it a platform for his social and political views. It just feels like I'm getting more than enough of it already without another dose here. I really enjoy Titus' work but the political correctness pushing that's weaved in there leaves me cold. Yes, Barry should have been sacked and yes Wayne Carey is an unpleasant person and so on but really, I just came here for a laugh.

Graeme G

Jul 03, 2018

Fancy a guy named Bob Dylan criticising a platform for social and political views. Now I have laughed at everything. Well done Bob

Bloke from the Outer

Jul 03, 2018

On ya Big Nic. Too many blokes just don't get it. It aint 'blokey banter', its misogynistic crap.


Jul 03, 2018

Agreed. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder Titus.
Are you asserting that Hall was serious? If you agree that it was a joke. A crude joke nonetheless. Why can't you just state your opinion that it was tasteless?
Ask yourself why you get smug satisfaction from virtue signalling...


Jul 03, 2018

Majority? Minority? Not sure how that's relevant to my statement? Funny-did I say it was funny? Normal- did I describe Halls comments as normal?Try reading the comment-your comprehension skills need some work.
You call out whatever you want and whenever you want-that's my point!


Jul 04, 2018

Rumour file- Mark Neeld seen in Collective Mind offices!!!


Jul 04, 2018

Thanks for coming in late with a nonsensical comment.Read my original post, without your outraged coloured glasses on!

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