Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You’ve come to the right place.
Hawthorn (72) v Sydney (66)
More evidence this week that no one will win the premiership this year.
Sydney seems to have no answers against Hawthorn, rolling out the same losing game plan with a hopeful optimism that is as heart-warming as it is ineffective.
As the Hawks continually slowed the game, the Swans decided that constantly chipping the ball sideways and backwards was the best approach. It wasn’t.
The strange thing was it almost worked, with the Swans taking the lead late in the game, only for Hawthorn to wrestle back control.
It was a spiteful game too with Buddy Franklin collecting Luke Hodge high at one stage. It was a cheap shot against someone who would never play the game that way.
It got so spiteful that kissing got involved with Will Langford kissing Jarrad McVeigh on the cheek, twice.
There are not too many workplaces where you can kiss someone uninvited and not get hauled in front of someone with 'People and Culture' in their title. Just ask an AFL executive.
North Melbourne (76) v Melbourne (72)
You have to hand it to Melbourne; they’ve got this losing to North Melbourne thing down pat. In fact, when it comes to losing to the Kangaroos, no one else comes close.
It’s been 11 years since Melbourne last beat North or 3997 days if you’re like me and are a bit depressingly obsessed by this.
The last time Melbourne beat the Kangaroos Sav Rocca was playing for the Roos.
This was a terrible performance from Melbourne when a top four spot was on the line. To make matters worse, the Dees lost Jesse Hogan with a broken collarbone.
Hogan has already had a terrible year, and while this is nothing compared to everything else he’s been through, it makes you hope his luck will turn at some point.
For North, this was proof they weren’t tanking or was it? It might just be that they’re incapable of losing to Melbourne no matter how hard they try like some physical law is in play.
So strong is their inability to lose to Melbourne that it overcame the other iron clad law that states North can never win close games.
Greater Western Sydney (98) v Fremantle (86)
For a fair while on Saturday, it looked like the Giants were going to lose to Fremantle.
So strange was it that even Dockers fans wondered what parallel universe they had stumbled into.
It was not a confidence inspiring performance from the Giants, as having the Dockers score 86 points against you is like any other team scoring 200.
Leon Cameron acknowledged it was an ugly win but said his team could get better.
He would want them to, as this was a performance so awful I thought they were the bad expansion team.
Fremantle certainly showed some promising signs, with Nat Fyfe getting back to being Nat Fyfe.
Just think, all the Dockers really need is just another key forward. Like they do all the time.
Port Adelaide (63) v St Kilda (61)
St Kilda were robbed in this one, but that was partly because they left the front door wide open for Robbie Gray in the dying seconds.
It was a terrible game for most of the day, with both sides missing easy shots early on. St Kilda at one point were 3.12, in a display of goal kicking that causes heart attacks.
The final quarter though was a mad scramble, with the Saints seemingly getting on top with just minutes to go.
So confident of a Port come back were the Power fans they streamed out of the stadium like a bomb scare had been called in.
This was a mistake.
Aaron Young booted a goal to keep Port’s hopes alive.
It all came down to a boundary thrown in, with seconds to spare, just outside Port’s forward 50.
St Kilda just had to lock it in but instead, Paddy Ryder won the hit out, and it landed directly in Robbie Gray’s hands.
Now Port’s most dangerous forward option would have been tagged right? Nope.
Gray had so much space around him he might have well been on the International Space Station.
He streamed into goal and slotted the game winner with seconds to go.
Sure, no Power fans were left in the ground to see it, but it was exciting stuff.
For St Kilda, it was the final nail in a disappointing season.
Gold Coast (65) v Richmond (98)
Richmond may not be winning pretty at the moment, but they are winning, something Tigers teams of the past often struggled with.
Tigers fans would have noted Adelaide's struggles on the weekend, GWS poor form, Sydney's loss on the MCG and even Geelong's ability to give away huge leads early on.
It's enough to make a Richmond supporter think 'this could be our year.'
Of course, that same supporter's internal monologue would go:
"Don't be silly Judith. Nothing good ever happens to us."
“This time it’s different.”
“That’s what you say every year; I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“They didn’t look like they’d changed against St Kilda.”
“I’m not listening, WE’RE FROM TIGERLAND, YELLOW AND BLACK.”
Gold Coast might not have won, but they also got lots of injuries. That sort of sums up their entire existence.
Carlton (58) v Geelong (123)
I hope if I’m ever accused of something, I’m defended with the vigour some in the media have defended Patrick Dangerfield.
Following his tackle on Matthew Kreuzer, which left the Carlton ruckman concussed, many pundits immediately began predicting Dangerfield would get off.
On further reflection, they decided it might not be that clear cut, and so they started to say that if he did get a penalty that the ‘fairest’ criteria from the Brownlow medal should be removed.
“My client is innocent of murder, but if they did do it, murder should not be illegal.”
Dangerfield was even invited on TV to explain that there was nothing in the tackle. Good to know. Perhaps we should just let players decide if they get charged or not?
How Brownlow eligibility plays any part in a Match Review Panel decision is beyond me, but it seems to have in the past.
It was at best unnecessary from Dangerfield as this was a glorified training run anyway. Carlton’s season ended weeks ago, and this game was so boring, part of me wished I’d never got into football.
Western Bulldogs (127) v Essendon (97)
After every team almost tagged Jason Johannisen into footballing irrelevance, the Bombers decided that wasn’t for them.
Four-goal and 18 disposals later, you could say that was a mistake.
Essendon will be rueing this loss. They had Joe Daniher monstering the Bulldogs defence and were in touch right until the final quarter.
It was their decision making that let them down. I haven’t seen such poor decision making from them outside of a court room.
Worsfold was certainly frustrated by it, and it allowed the Bulldogs to get away with some sloppy play at times.
Pleasingly for the Bulldogs, there were glimpses here of their 2016 form. They even seemed interested in running and tackling again.
It’s so close this season that if they do come good over the next few weeks who knows?
Collingwood (103) v Adelaide (103)
It takes a lot of hard work to give up a fifty-point lead. It requires a team effort, everybody working in sync.
You need your forwards to stop taking marks, your midfield to lie down at stoppages and your backline to stop working together.
Collingwood had all this going on as they watched a fifty-point lead slowly erode in the second half to the delight of almost everyone.
How the Crows had gotten into this position was a concern in itself, and while Adelaide fans celebrated like this was a win, it was, in fact, a draw against the 13th team on the ladder.
Adelaide were awful early on, in scenes reminiscent of that performance against North earlier in the year.
But in the second half, they decided to start trying and found they were pushing on an open door.
As the feeling at the ground became one of panic, the Pies seemed done, only to boot three late goals. It felt like the Pies had saved it, despite letting such a huge lead go.
That’s what made Mitch McGovern’s pack mark and goal after the siren to tie it even more wonderful.
While it wasn’t the Collingwood loss we were praying for, it was still a satisfying end to the day.
In many ways, it summed up Collingwood under Buckley. They were both good and bad, and in the end, they had nothing to show for it.
West Coast (113) v Brisbane (45)
Did you watch this? I hope for your sake you didn’t.
I watched this, and it was terrible. I don’t know why I did. Brisbane barely sent any of their players, meaning I put more effort into this than they did.
And it was an effort. I’d made some nachos, and I burnt my mouth on the hot cheese, so watched this game while hurt.
I should have just waited for the nachos to cool down or at least stopped for a bit when I originally burnt the roof of my mouth but I didn’t.
Like a hero, I ploughed on, probably causing more damage. We’ve all played hurt before but the combination of hot cheese, salsa and Jalapeños was really something.
At one point, I rubbed my eye, and I must have had juice from the Jalapeños on my hand, and I exploded with pain, writhing on the floor with tears streaming down my face.
My vision was blurred, but unfortunately, I could still see well enough to watch the game, meaning I was in pain both mentally and physically.
All I’m saying, is we often make out watching sport is a lazy activity, but it’s not. It requires dedication and commitment and is not without significant risks. Stay safe this season everyone.
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