May 01, 2017


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Six


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Greater Western Sydney (75) v Western Bulldogs (73)

The Giants got their revenge on Friday night because a round six victory certainly makes up for losing a Preliminary Final.

It was a classic game, so much so that these two should just play every Friday night.

Being a Greater Western Sydney home game, it was, of course, being played in Canberra. So confident are the AFL of a team in Western Sydney working, they keep the ACT option as an exit strategy.

The Dogs are certainly improving after an underwhelming start to the season, but it was their woeful kicking for goal that let them down. Kicking 9.19 is almost always going to end in tears unless you’re playing Fremantle.

The Giants in some ways were lucky to get over the line in this one, with the Dogs poor kicking and an injury to Tom Liberatore in the final quarter, helping them a lot.

GWS did overcome adversity. Toby Greene managed to kick an important late goal, even though he had to overcome the fact he’d been reported for belting the smallest guy on the field, Caleb Daniel.

He did so well to put that out of his mind and help win the game. To me, that goes right up there with the return of the Essendon players as the most inspiring moments of season 2017.

Hawthorn (55) v St Kilda (130)

For a while during this game the AFL Live Pass went down, forcing me to watch the wedding I was at.

I’m suing the AFL today for pain and suffering. What does the AFL expect us to do when their app is down? Talk to people? It’s an essential service, and it shouldn’t be run like South Australia’s electricity network.

Even though experiencing real life was painful, it was nothing compared to what the Hawks went through at the hands of St Kilda.

They say, "God helps those who help themselves" and St Kilda certainly did that here, making that draft pick they got from Hawthorn worth even more.

The fact the Saints were happy to troll the Hawks on their banner about that draft pick, shows how far the Hawks have fallen, teams are willing to insult them using crepe paper.

As we all know, there’s no harsh medium to be trolled in than crepe. Even Twitter isn’t as harsh.

As I watched this massacre unfolding, I thought fondly of the Hawks fan who told me a few years ago that the AFL should have relegation. Unfortunately, I couldn’t rub it in as they barrack for the Bulldogs now.

Alastair Clarkson said they'd be ‘Catastrophic Changes’ after this game, which I had already assumed was the code word for their recent approach to list management.

Can the Hawks come back from here? Probably, they are like herpes, they never really go away. At least, that’s what I’m told about herpes.

Carlton (97) v Sydney (78)

Sydney are the first team to start 0-6 after playing in the previous season’s Grand Final. Like a Gold Logie, that’s not something you want on your resume.

Against Carlton, the Swans put together a greatest hits of all the things that are wrong with them this year. They were slow to the contest, they didn’t support each other, and their skills seemed to have deserted them.

Carlton on the other hand tried and were presently surprised to learn the door they were pushing against was not only unlocked but made of balsa wood.

Sydney were so bad that Alex Silvagni starred for the Blues. I thought he’d retired years ago.

To think the Blues were written off before the season started and the Swans were tipped to be in the premiership mix. That why, unfortunately for Swans fans, we play the season.

Just think how scary the Blues will be when they get Daisy back.

Brisbane (67) v Port Adelaide (150)

Now this game was terribly boring. Unless you’re a Power supporter, you would have been hard-pressed to stay awake; I know Brisbane struggled with this.

I watched the whole thing but only because the remote was just out of my reach and changing the channel would have required standing up. Standing up is overrated.

“I got one of those stand-up desks as it’s better for you.”

“Everybody hates you.”

When are we getting TVs that you can change the channel by just using your mind?

It seems we’re well overdue. The only downside I could see is the literal battle of minds that would result between partners. Anyone that’s tried to choose something to watch with a loved one knows how brutal that can get.

Anyway, I watched this, and basically, Brisbane were really, really bad, and Port were really, really good. I know, I could go into more detail but really, who cares? Not you or me.

North Melbourne (107) v Gold Coast (94)

The was obviously match of the round, so of course, it’s the national TV game and not the Western Derby.

It was lucky it was on TV because there was no one at the ground to watch it.

A terrible crowd with just 15,431 attended Etihad Stadium. This is even with three types of salt on offer at the ground.

Etihad Stadium is a disaster. I’ll tell you how bad it is if people were happy the AFL bought it. If footy fans think something will be better with the AFL running it, you know it’s been run poorly.

North played this smart, they made sure they weren't leading for large parts and when they did it wasn't by enough for them to relax.

The Kangaroos biggest issue is Ben Brown. He has the hair of a cult figure but plays too well to be one. He needs to decide what he wants to be. You can't have that hair and kick six goals.

The Suns proved they can underperform in any situation. Just seven points behind at three-quarter time, they should have been sure things against the Kangaroos.

Gold Coast have a problem considering their best player is off to Geelong next year. Gary Ablett had 45 possessions and carried the Suns on his dodgy shoulder.

I wish I was past it like Gary Ablett is past it. This is what happens when you make the gods angry.

West Coast (103) v Fremantle (62)

After looking ordinary against an ordinary Hawthorn, the Eagles returned home and belted the Dockers.

It was a result so predictable I didn’t tip it.

Ross Lyon has been flying a plane held together by sticky tape and hairpins, and it all came apart in the opening quarter, with the Eagles booting seven goals to one.

The Dockers had returned to form, scoring just 62 points, meaning the Eagles didn’t need to add much more after their first quarter score to beat them.

Even worse for the Dockers, is the fact a radio station in Perth says Nat Fyfe is off to St Kilda next year. If a Perth radio station says something, you know you can take it to the bank.

Essendon (74) v Melbourne (112)

This would have been a great game if the aim of the sport was turnovers.

The first half was so bad I had some insight into what it must have been like to be trapped at the Fyre Festival. Terrible food and a catastrophe unfolding before your eyes.

The Dees were lucky to stay in this during the first half with Joe Daniher keeping them in it.

In seven shots at goal, he booted 0.6 and one out of bounds on the full. He was so bad that when the Demons defenders found themselves under pressure, they just kicked it to Joe.

Daniher is like an Italian sports car, he does so many things well but lets you down far to regularly to be of practical use.

In the second half, the Demons tried targeting their teammates when kicking rather than their opponents and it worked. Counterintuitive huh?

The Bombers, on the other hand, looked very much like a team that had hit that wall that John Worsfold said they had, then said they hadn’t, run into.

The win means Melbourne have won more games at Etihad than at the MCG this season. This is unnatural.

Geelong (78) v Collingwood (107)

Much like the Eagles last week, Geelong had a job to do for the majority of footy fans and couldn't get it done.

It was all set up so nicely. The Pies after years of being average seemed like they were about to break for good. Then comes along Geelong, a supposedly good side who lets them off the hook.

I don't want to overreact, but the Cats should be booted out of the competition for allowing this to happen.

This has been the Pies modus operandi for ages, getting right up to the point of crisis then pulling out one great win, then back to being average.

The victory was just the bit of false hope the Pies needed.

Geelong obviously doesn’t know that giving a side a big lead and then running them down in the fourth, only works against North.

They were terrible. Joel Selwood had such a bad game that the umpires visited him in the rooms after the game to see if he was alright.

I'm a big enough person to admit I was wrong about Bucks and the Pies should extend him for at least a decade.

Adelaide (140) v Richmond (64)

So, Richmond are still Richmond.

It was a fun ride while it lasted, but like North Melbourne last year, the Tigers, unfortunately, lived up to everyone’s expectations.

The first quarter seemed to suggest we would all be eating humble pie this morning but unfortunately for the Tigers, the AFL insist you play four quarters.

After the first quarter, the Tigers saw the full power of the Adelaide forward line, who begun scoring with an ease that was somewhat scary to watch.

It appeared that the Tigers players were so in awe of the Crows ball movement they stopped playing to watch.

With just five wins and one loss, the Tigers season is obviously over, and the pressure must now shift to the board, with the team sitting at just fourth on the ladder.

As for the Crows, we Victorians need to come up with some reasons as to why their winning is unfair.

I think it’s cheaper to live in Adelaide so they can effectively pay players in more in terms of purchasing power. A Cost of Living Tax needs to be applied to make it an even playing field.

Unfortunately, having to live in Adelaide probably negates that argument.

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May 01, 2017

well Titus, it seems you spend so much time in front of telly that it wouldn't matter where you lived...but, if you did live in Adelaide you'd only have the chance to see Melbourne play once, or not at all, which would do wonders for your life expectancy.....unless you lived in a nursing home

Captain FatNavel

May 01, 2017

I've given up on LivePass. It's gone down on me more times than a Lygon Street hooker.

The Original Buzz

May 01, 2017

The Crows and Power are used to playing in the dark which is what makes them so good now, thanks to our magnificent electrical infrastructure and our awesome premier. They should make the Crows and Power train outside, during the day.
After they boot Geelong out of the AFL, our Premier can move to Geelong as well. Two problems fixed in one hit.
The Blues are going to be very scary when these kids finally have their skills good enough to actually hang on to the ball and they learn to kick straight. Sydney made my week end.

Hit the Wall

May 01, 2017

When Woosha captained the Eagles, he'd run through a brick wall after hitting it in the face behind play. How come he can't get my Bomber boys to run through it? Bring back The Weapon, so Woosha can punch him in the face. No other reason.

Humperdink Von Nipples

May 01, 2017

Mr O'Reily,

This - 'I don't want to overreact, but the Cats should be booted out of the competition for allowing this to happen.' - is ludicrous and borderline slanderous!!
You, and your pundits should be applauding the mighty GFC for their wisdom and foresight. To devise a plan which involves sacrificing the holy 4pts in order to keep Mr Buckley in his position and therefor benefiting the remainder of footballkind is nothing short of brilliant. I heard from a birdy that Eddie 'Boofhead' Maquire is already preparing a 5yr contract, ensuring a mediocre Collingwood for many years to come.
Hoorah Geelong Hoorah!

Monday headache

May 01, 2017

I thought that for the 'pies to win the Daily Double would need to happen which of course would be a head clash between Selwood and Dangerfield. Of course this didn't happen so a good outcome all round. Footy was the real winner.

John Nicholls

May 01, 2017

Don't worry about Daisy, we're looking after him, not sure when he'll be able to come back to playing footy though.

Timmy G

May 01, 2017

C'mon Titus, I expect that Adelaide hatred from Mr Paradise!

Tricia Robertson

May 01, 2017

AFL would have had to subsidise Sun's supporters' airfares and accommodate to get a bigger crowd on Saturday.


May 01, 2017

Surely all Fremantle needed to do to win was replace all the ground signage with MCG signage!

Heather Lacey

May 01, 2017

You are assuming the Suns have supporters? I am yet to meet one!


May 01, 2017

Haha nice!


May 01, 2017

I'm quite happy with living in Adelaide, the World's 5th Most Liveable City 2016 (not mentioning the top city), just as long as the Crows are on top and I can casually ride the Obahn into the Adelaide Oval to see the Crows do that every second week.


May 01, 2017

Okay but it was the Kangas home game. Do the Kangaroos only have 15,000 fans? How are they still in existence with such a puny membership base? Don't blame the away team because all your fellow Kanga fans have departed the bandwagon until the next coach gets them headed towards finals again.


May 01, 2017

There are hookers on Lyon street?


May 01, 2017

Do you mean Adelaide pay their players still? I thought they all lived off Balfours.


May 01, 2017

Swannies look like a marriage that is falling apart. The seniors are the parents who hate each other and barely speak to each other while the young players are the kids trying so hard to make things right so their parents will stay together. Isaac Heeney told reporters as much on Sunday when he said there was no talking on the field. Horse looking like a marriage guidance counselor who has run out of ideas about getting a reconciliation. Messy separations predicted

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