Aug 21, 2022


Opposition fans beg Essendon to bring back James Hird



Opposition fans have briefly stopped laughing to call upon the Essendon Football Club to bring back James Hird as Head Coach.

Fresh from missing out on Alastair Clarkson, who preferred powerhouse club North Melbourne, the Bombers have sacked Ben Rutten, opening the door for the return of cult leader Hird.

Fans of the seventeen other teams are hopeful Essendon are delusional enough to do it, with history being a good guide that they are.

“Can you imagine?” said Collingwood fan James Prentice, tears of laughter streaming down his face, “Hird sets them back a decade, and they still have people wanting to bring him back.”

“Stockholm Syndrome has nothing on Essendon Syndrome.

“Drug scandal aside, Hird had a record of 41 wins, 42 losses and one draw, so you can see why they’d be desperate to go back to those days.”

Hawthorn support Bev Jenkins said she didn’t dare to dream the Bombers could reappoint James Hird.

“The past week has been a dream, Clarko leading them on then saying no and their civil war continuing at board level. Yet, even in my wildest dreams, I never dared to think they’d bring Hird back, but this is Essendon.”

“I’m buying an expensive bottle of champagne just in case it happens.”

Bomber supporter Simon Kinston said he didn’t know if Hird would return, but he was confident the Essendon Board would make the worst possible decision available to them.

“Hird or no Hird, my club has shown an alarming ability to do whatever is in the worse interests of the club. Whatever happens, it’s going to hurt.”

“The Bombers are good at two things, chaos and denial.”

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Aug 21, 2022

They'll appoint club legend Mark Harvey to Head Coach and then replace him with Ross Lyon without telling him. What have you got on this morning Harvs? A couple of functions to attend? Cool, pop in for a chat when you're done.


Aug 21, 2022

Considering their demonstrable contempt for their coaches, Hird might be the only person willing to take it on.


Aug 21, 2022

How am I supposed to lose money on a 9-game multi without a Highly Unhelpful Guide to Round 23?

Roberto of Oz

Aug 21, 2022

Oh Titus My dear. I know, it sounds like an ear infection but it is sooooo good to have you back. I have missed your Unreliable Guide and Monday Knee Jerk and I shall forgive any future bagging of the Mighty Fighting Hawks. We aren't to play finals so I wish your Dees the best of luck.

Owen Greenwood

Aug 21, 2022

Feel sorry for the Blues supporters.
Especially the ones who were saying they were going to win the flag when they were 10/4.
What a day to be alive
Go Baggers 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Saint Peter

Aug 21, 2022

Well what a week we had in football. Carlton waiting patiently until the final round to drop out of the 8. Collingwood waiting until the last 5 minutes of the season to get a spot in the top 4. Saints playing their best football for the season to stop the Sydney juggernaut from winning by too much & getting a top 2 spot. Something to celebrate down at Moorabbin for the whole summer. Hawthorn played great footy to get the Bulldogs into the 8. And of course Essendon doing their best to demonstrate they can give 17 teams great reason for confidence in that none of the other 17 teams will finish last next season.

Hope you get better soon Titus & thank you for the best football wrap by any commentator in the land.

Edmund Doherty

Aug 21, 2022

And it’s the pride they reflect when they make these blunders, whenever the club has something to say around a strategy or move, it’s delivered to the world as a ‘gotcha’ moment, that we don’t possess the foresight or AFL intellect that they do and it’s all part if some genius masterstroke. Hird was or is perhaps the most toxic and arrogant coach of a club in my memory, nearly destroying the club, yet there are those in Essendon who see his return as a possibility or even ‘a great move’ !

Running Dog

Aug 22, 2022

I was wondering whether Titus' absence and the Essendon coaching saga was just a coincidence, or whether there was a dark horse in the field. There may yet be things about Titus we still don't know! Hope you're back to full health soon.


Aug 22, 2022

Haven't you heard, pun intended, that the rabble that is the EFC will be appointing Kevin Sheedy as their new coach who will lead them to the promised land of Tasmania. Yep the Tassie Bombers. Can't wait.


Aug 22, 2022


You mean Kevin Sheedy will part the Bass Strait and have the team march in joyous expectation to their new Promised Land, Tasmania?

Macca RB

Aug 23, 2022

Hirdy back to Essendon - bewdy
He can lead the banned as they attempt to shoot up the premiership ladder.
Hirdy will be the shot in the arm that the Bombers need.