Sep 18, 2018

AFL

Scientists discover mysterious ‘Western Australian’ club in AFL finals

19 Comments

Scientists at the CSIRO have detected a mysterious Western Australia based Australian Rules Club, dubbed ‘The West Coast Eagles’ in the AFL finals.

CSIRO Chief Scientist Dr Cathy Foley said the club was detected using the most sensitive equipment available on the East Coast.

“This is a surprising result. It has taken some painstaking work and will be a shock to many people.”

The announcement has been met with scepticism in Melbourne where the hypothesis that there are clubs existing outside of Victoria is considered a fringe theory.

Dr Foley said the club was currently utterly undetectable in Melbourne.

“It may be a shock, but the existence of an AFL club outside of Victoria and operating in the AFL Finals has now been conclusively proved.”

“It certainly opens up the possibility that there may be other clubs outside of Victoria.”

Collingwood fan Dennis Thompson said he was only just coming to terms with evolution and germ theory.

“I guess you can prove anything with science and I tend to prefer to believe in what I can see with my own eyes, and I’ve seen no evidence of a Western Australian club in the finals. Go Pies!”

While the discovery has been met with scepticism in Victoria, in Western Australia it’s come as no surprise.

“Of course, there’s a Western Australian based team in the finals,” said Eagles fan Tamara Borthwick.

“They're playing someone this weekend. I can’t remember who. Let me look in The West. Hang on; I’m looking, just flicking through the 17 pages on the Eagles… oh, it doesn’t say.”

Dr Foley said the study found no evidence of a second AFL club in Western Australia.

“We detected a signal close to an AFL club, but it fell short of the full requirements.”

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COMMENTS

Michael B

Sep 18, 2018

"We detected a signal close to an AFL club, but it fell short of the full requirements" OMG Titus you have really nailed that one

Swingdog

Sep 18, 2018

“We detected a signal close to an AFL club, but it fell short of the full requirements.”

Charles Livie

Sep 18, 2018

Beware the Victorian team with the inbuilt extra 3
Players disguised in umpiring kit.

Charles Livie

Sep 18, 2018

Beware the Victorian team with the inbuilt extra 3
Players disguised in umpiring kit.

Mick

Sep 18, 2018

When satire and reality collide.

Mick

Sep 18, 2018

When satire and reality collide.

Clarkey

Sep 18, 2018

The truth on so many levels in a premium piece of satire. Love this!!

Clarkey

Sep 18, 2018

The truth on so many levels in a premium piece of satire. Love this!!

RobD

Sep 18, 2018

A beautiful piece, accurately captures the views of many outside Victoria. Well done Titus.

Bloke from the Outer

Sep 18, 2018

Charles Livie

Not if you're a Richmond supporter - 50 free kicks behind every other team and 200 behind collingwood for the season.

Rick

Sep 19, 2018

This discovery has only occurred because Titus had to tell his pilot where to enter details in the autopilot of hisgulf Jetstream 9000

macca

Sep 19, 2018

As a Victorian I hope The Eagles win the flag.
Hate Collingwood, Richmond and Melbourne.
But then I hate the ogre that is the AFL.
The more ridiculous the outcome, the better.
Titus, you won't get better comedy material than The Eagles winning.

Rick Eagle

Sep 19, 2018

Rumour doe have it that the other WA club has LEGO as it’s major sponsor now so they can continue to keep rebuilding the the next few decades and they will be releasing purple haze blocks

Nev

Sep 19, 2018

We are used to it .....Melbourne words like blockbuster and Big clubs

Victorians are like yanks they do not realise a world exists outside their space....they just don’t

Graham Scarlett

Sep 19, 2018

This is so good. Great thought provoking article.

JULIE

Sep 20, 2018

So true!!! Just love the comparison to the yanks!!!! From a scientific perspective, theories can only be proven it the tests are fair, so that in itself is a worry.

General Malaise

Sep 20, 2018

Oh, we know you're there people from Wa. We just don't particularly like you.
We asked you to our party and all you do is complain about the music.

I.C.Nothing

Sep 20, 2018

I feel for the umpires if West Coast (frees + 84 ) play Collingwood (frees + 104) in the GF they wont know who their supposed to be favouring.

Go Us

Sep 20, 2018

Beautiful piece of writing Titus. Each state is totally consumed in their own world. Victoria obsessed with Vic teams. WA only focussed on WA teams. SA barely recognise the existence of finals containing only 18 players on the field this year. NSW checked out in final 1. Although Qld are well aware of the NSW teams...who play rugby.

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