As 2015 slowly awakens and nurses a serious hangover from 2014, I asked some prominent sporting personalities for their New Year’s resolutions.

Some of the answers may surprise you.

James Hird- To continue to put the children of several lawyers through private school.

Nathan Buckley- To deal more sensitively with these whiny idiots modern footballers have become.

Heritier Lumumba- To make Collingwood fans regret I was ever traded. And Melbourne fans.

Brian Taylor- To offend new groups of people in old ways.

Eddie McGuire- Collingwood is single handedly propping up the rest of the league! I know that’s not a New Year’s resolution! Get out of my house.

Shane Watson- To try and get away with this for one more year.

Paddy McCartin- To not be rushed into deciding which team I will force a trade to at the end of the season.

Paul Little- I just want to watch the world burn.

Shane Warne- To continue spending all that goodwill I built up during my career via weird social media posts.

Peter Gordon- The players won’t control our club this year. Not that I’m saying they did last year.

Brad Scott- I’m Brad you idiot.

Chris Scott- You called him Chris? Yeah, that would have annoyed him.

Patrick Dangerfield- To enjoy the year of endless speculation about what club I’ll go to in 2016, before I announce it’s Hawthorn.

Gillon McLachlan- To learn to just appreciate that you can keep blaming all the bad stuff on Andrew Demetriou.

Todd Carney: Have I shown you this trick yet? Get your camera out, you’ll want a photo.

Jeff Kennett- I used to be Chairman of Hawthorn. I was Premier of Victoria too. Please talk to me, I want to be relevant again.

Darren Lehmann- I’ve really got to get around to sacking Shane Watson.

Gary Ablett Jr- I hope I can avoid injury this year.

Rodney Eade- I really, really hope Gary Ablett doesn’t get injured this year.

Buddy Franklin- I want to keep everyone up-to-date with my private life through social media.

Tom Boyd– I have lots of money now.

Daniel Ricciardo: To smile more. Also, Sebastian Vettel is a goose.

Mick Malthouse- To gain the patience to deal with those stupid idiots in the media. Seriously, it’s not even a job, writing about other people. BLOODY LEECHES.

Tom Harley- ‘Swisse’.

Michael Clarke- Steve Smith is an OK Captain, I guess.

Shannon Hurn- To not have to say ‘yes I really am the Captain’ when I visit Victoria.

Paul Roos- I would like a priority pick.

Ross Lyon- To find my next team.

David Koch- To renegotiate a new Adelaide Oval contract after we negotiated such a poor one the first time.

Ben McDevitt- It’s already 2015? When did this happen?

Steve Smith- To forgive those people who criticised me, despite me handing them a series victory against India and having an average of like, a million.

Damien Hardwick- I’d like the team to play a full season this year.

Jarryd Hayne- To not return to the NRL until at least round 12.

Alastair Clarkson- I’d like to take a few more potshots at Essendon.

Alan Richardson- To just accept that I’m coaching St Kilda. Oh well, only six more months to go.

Justin Leppitsch- To pray everyday that Bucks alienates Pendlebury this year.

Ryan Griffen- To get through the year without knifing a coach.

Ken Hinkley- Pardon? You’ll have to speak up. I’m at Adelaide Oval.