Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Fremantle (40) v Hawthorn (72)
If you needed any reminder that finals are different to the regular season, this weekend certainly provided it.
It’s like going from the Nutbush to the Tango.
Freo would have struggled with the Nutbush on Thursday; the coordination would have been too much.
With a 12-0 record at Optus Stadium this season, the Dockers seemed unbackable favourites, yet Freo fans know their team has a knack for letting them down in the worst possible way.
The Hawks bought Tom Cruise talking about Scientology level intensity to the game, and the Dockers folded.
Under the Hawks' ferocity, the Dockers panicked like a single uncle asked to hold their nephew for the first time.
It’s lucky they weren’t asked that; they would have dropped them.
Hawthorn just sat back and waited for the Dockers to kick it to them. Not since my Year 12 maths exam have I seen so many mistakes.
They folded so fast that at half time it was over, blowing apart everyone’s predictions for the finals.
The Hawks defence, led by James Sicily, made Fremantle’s much vaunted forward line disappear.
All you saw of them was them whinging when something didn’t go their way.
Then there was Nick Watson, who does things that just don’t make sense.
Time and again, he made the Dockers look silly.
The question is, can the Dockers come back? We’ve seen it before; a top side bottles it but comes back.
But they’re coming from a long way back.
Hawthorn now gets a home Preliminary Final. Can their Odyssey-like Premiership drought soon be over?
Friday
Geelong (102) v Carlton (74)
Carlton’s charge into September has ended, but it was a wild ride while it lasted.
Blues fans left feeling flat but given they were staring at a wooden spoon just months ago, they can’t help but feel this was a season to relish.
One thing we did learn is the Wildcard Round makes the top six more important than ever before.
It’s almost like it’s not meant to make the finals better but to make money.
The Blues were up against a side that lives in the finals.
Geelong are as at home in September as I am in a bar.
Take Patrick Dangerfield; he’s played in 32 finals. Carlton hasn’t played 32 finals this century.
No wonder he kicked five; he’s hardly wondering what a final is going to be like or how to handle the pressure.
The Cats knew the pressure would come, knew what to do when it did, and knew it’s a long game.
I must be honest, I wasn’t watching them thinking, gee, these guys really need Zak Butters AND Toby Greene.
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Saturday
Sydney (141) v Brisbane (88)
Was this the greatest comeback from a self-inflicted injury in sports history?
It’s hard to know how to feel about Swans astounding victory over Brisbane.
On one hand, they haven’t suffered terrible bad luck; they had some of their own behave like idiots.
Yet, I can relate to the rest of the team being just as shocked and angry as the rest of us were and now being determined not to let a few bring them down.
After all, we’ve all been stuck in a group assignment with some people who stuff it up for everyone else.
I remember that happening to me once, and I had to stay up all night finishing a group assignment while the rest were at some nightclub.
The joke was on them; our teacher said the essay on Michel Foucault was ‘free of anything representing intellectual thought, and represented just how far Western civilisation had sunk.’
They also seemed upset that I thought Foucault played back pocket for Fitzroy in the 1920s.
The Swans did a bit better than I did on that group project.
The Lions looked like a team expecting a relatively easy outing.
And it was an easy outing, just not for them.
The Swans attacked the Lions like a bunch of red cordial-fuelled six-year-olds attacking a piñata.
Unlike a piñata, Brisbane’s defence didn’t even offer any resistance.
Logan McDonald booted six goals, while Charlie Curnow and Tom Papley had five each.
The only negative was Callum Mills going down with a serious knee injury, which is a fair negative.
As for Brisbane, they need to quickly work out how they gave up 141 points to a team reeling from scandal and missing key players.
Adelaide (90) v Western Bulldogs (68)
Threatening to sack someone doesn’t always have the desired benefits.
I threatened to sack someone at work once, only for HR to point out that person didn’t report to me, I had no power to sack anyone, and what I was doing was workplace bullying.
Luckily for Adelaide, it worked, and Matthew Nicks looked more relieved than a parent who just found out the school musical had been cancelled.
It was not an easy night, however, as the Dogs put up a huge fight.
Just as the Crows seemed to have the game in hand, the Bulldogs suddenly came charging at the start of the fourth.
As the Bulldogs took the lead, Crows fans started to wonder how this could all be happening again.
Adelaide, however, obviously learnt a lot last year; instead of the Bulldogs running over the top, it was their last gasp.
The Crows pulled themselves together and wrestled back the momentum.
Riley Thilthorpe, Tex Walker and Darcy Fogarty all stood up, then Izak Rankine kicked an astounding goal after the ball spilled to him.
It was the perfect end to Tex Walker’s final game at Adelaide Oval.
And Matthew Nicks might get through the week without anyone threatening to sack him.
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COMMENTS
John whitelaw
Sep 07, 2026
If the Cats get past Freo all bets are off anyone can win it
BP
Sep 07, 2026
What’s a self-inflicted victory?
Greedy
Sep 07, 2026
I’m looking forward to next year’s 11th v 12th and 13th v 14th Super Wildcard Round. After all this year 14th was only 3 wins from 10th!
Sheldon Wiebe
Sep 07, 2026
The second best description of the Wizard's wonder was the commentator who exclaimed, "Nick Watson does remarkable things!"
The best description was, of course, yours.
jewelbon
Sep 07, 2026
"It’s hard to know how to feel about Swans astounding victory over Brisbane".
As a Swans fan I can tell exactly how it feels -marvelous, amazing, magnificent, incredible, unbelievable, miraculous, spectacular.....
I could go on but I think you get the point.
Bluebottle
Sep 07, 2026
Three of the best moments was watching the Hawks drive Freo back to their own goal square in the last quarter. Even when Freo had the ball they were nowhere near in charge.
the g train
Sep 07, 2026
Agree with everything you wrote this week, Titus. Everything. Especially when you wrote Docker fans just KNEW their team would self-destruct in September (or words to that effect).
Now the serious part of the finals begin. We needed two rounds of finals and 6 finals games to determine the true top 6 to play off for the flag. The last 6 teams remaining in the premiership race are exactly the top 6 teams from the end of the regular season. TS Elliot knew what he was talking about.
Son of Plugger
Sep 07, 2026
Terrific stuff, Titus. But married fathers also panic when they hold their own child for the first time.
It's amazing how in footy so many quarters are halved. In the ADEL vs WB game, the only dominant half by ither team was the second half of the second half of the second half. In modern footy, it can only takes one dominant half by a team to win by a considerable margin. Even in the FREO vs HAW game, HAW only won 2 halves and then only mildly; the other 6 halves were actually very even. Even though it felt like HAW easily won every single half.
Up in the nose-bleeds
Sep 07, 2026
I recall at the start of the season, Justin Longmuir was saying: "coming off a bye after the Opening Round was a disadvantage." Now the Opening Round was a fiasco anyway but still ... Maybe Longmuir is hoping that being flogged by Hawks will make Fremantle ready for the Cats? Dockers seem to be ending the finals the way they ended the season (with embarrassing losses) and how they started the season (with a loss to Geelong). Dockers. Round 1, 2026. Defeated by the Cats by 10 points.
Not since my days in high school has anyone promised so much and delivered so little.
Rick
Sep 07, 2026
Foucault was a versatile player, so long as it was on the left side of the ground. He played left wing for University, not Fitzroy. Preferred a glass of red by himself after the game.
WA Bogan
Sep 07, 2026
As a WA based, and very humble, Hawks fan, Thursday night's game was one of the greatest I've attended. The Dockers collection of self-embarassing and fan humiliating games was extended on Thursday night. Let's see, in their short history they've conceded 23 goals straight, scored 2.19 in a Derby, "honoured" their greatest servants (Pav and Fyfe) with absolutely disgraceful send-off performances - you'd reckon that'd be hard to top ... but they did it! Saints and Blues fans must feel so much better now...
BTW what happens if you cross Josh Treacy with Patrick Voss - you get a one-kick pony...
Shai Bolton was Shy of the Ball ... Dudley Didlittle... and the list goes on.
As much as I was enjoying watching a footy game and the Perth Comedy Festival with the one ticket, the Dockers antics in trying to milk free kicks to get into the game was pathetic - imagine if they put the same effort into trying to get the ball?
I was expecting the Human Rights Commission to demand an end to the torture at half time but that never eventuated.
And a brawl broke out near us - I think it was between two Dockers fans and reportedly each combatant lost a tooth, meaning that there are now two (more) toothless Dockers fans. Imagine if the players had that much passion?
And, despite being one of the few decent Dcokers players on the night, if Captain Pearce's waffle words after the game are how JL and the team address isses then they're stuffed .. I think AP was trying to say "we choked but we'll do better next week".
And next they face a teams with the most finals experience. .. who will lift the pressure to another level.
Running Dog
Sep 07, 2026
Speaking of the Odyssey, the Dogs' achilles heel - not being able to kick straight - has become a Scylla threatening to destroy careers and memberships. Maybe if they'd had some red cordial and a pinata of Kane Cornes to aim at the result would have been different.
I wonder who the HR bullies will hound out of a job first- Bevo, Nicks, or Longmuir?
Dave
Sep 07, 2026
We have the Carlton of old. Winning at half time and smashed in the second half.
Time to sack Josh
Catharsis & Calmness
Sep 07, 2026
The crazy, chaotic last 3 months since Voss left the coaches box have been one hell of a journey of can we, will we, do we dare believe it's possible? Being eliminated is like an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pill rolled into one, now we can lie back and relax for the rest of September. There's always a silver lining!
saint peter
Sep 07, 2026
Well done Titus. Really inspiring work for every person except Freo fans. As Ross has always said It is very hard to defend 40 points. To make matters worse they brought out old saying "Who kicked 5 goals in the Qualifying Final?" Was it Dangerfield? Was it Curnow or Papley or McDonald? No, it was the whole Freo side.
By the way if Brisbane get to the GF against Sydney I'll back Brisbane every day of the week. But Brisbane have to get over Hawthorn first.
Yes I'm writing off the Crows.
UpTheGuts
Sep 07, 2026
Ahhhh the pointy end of the season and Nostradamus is nowhere to be seen. Smart guy. Unusual results occurring? Not really so far. Hysteria, yep plenty of that. Lowest placed finalists first out, tick. Proven finalists moving thru the mire? Yep, tick. The Lions sluggish early, tick. Cats starting to purr, tick. Freo giddy finishing on top and confused, tick. In F1 parlance, gentlemen start your engines, practice is over- game on now.
Hobart Jack
Sep 07, 2026
Seems the Kanga’s players had a big say in Clarko’s demise, can’t help but think he’d be entitled to question their kicking for goal. As for the “top 10” being more about more dosh in the coffers, there is little doubt past CEO’s and current got together over lunch and stats thinking:”why not kick the girls off sooner and give the boys an extra week, there’s bound to be more of them paraletic in a pub somewhere with phones connected to their accounts?” Just a suggestion.
GB
Sep 07, 2026
50% improvement on recent times for the much-improved Demons, only lost one final this year.
I'd rather talk about that than all these interstate interlopers
Woody
Sep 07, 2026
As the happily single uncle, I categorically refused to hold all three of my nephews for the first time, so I equally happily take the credit that they were not dropped on their heads as babies and were able to become irresponsible young men. Their irresponsibility is the influence of their father.
Enjoyed the KJR too.