Oct 19, 2020
The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Finals Week Three
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You’ve come to the right place.
Port Adelaide (40) v Richmond (46)
This was the pick of the weekend’s games, despite Channel Seven accidentally broadcasting the Richmond commentary feed.
For large parts of the game, if you closed your eyes, you would have had trouble knowing another team was out there, in fact, you’d have had trouble knowing anyone else was out there except Dustin Martin.
Not that Dusty isn’t a fantastic player and one of the greatest finals players ever, but the non-stop orgasmic joy in the commentary box when he’s within 100 meters of a contest is a bit much.
I’ve lived a long life and I’ve never been that excited about anything, and I once got 20 chicken McNuggets when I ordered ten, so it’s not like I don’t know pure joy.
It was a shame because Port was in this game all the way through, only their kicking for goal and not handling the pressure of the key moments stopped them winning this. I hope Port fans don’t spend all summer dwelling on that.
Richmond really handled the pressure. A lot of finals experience really showed when it mattered, they took their opportunities when Port didn’t.
If playing FIFA has taught me anything, and it’s taught me everything, it’s keeping your cool in big moments is what’s important. That and having the game set on amateur.
Port can at least take from this season that they’ve got great young players, and never dropped their pressure all night against the reigning premiers. Play this game again and they could easily win it.
Plus, they’ve got that wonderful pre-game ritual of singing that INXS song, a tradition so spine-tingling that no less than Liverpool Football Club have copied it.
Special mention must be made of Brad Ebert who will retire after suffering a concussion in the game. Many say a premiership is the mark of a great player but giving your all to your club over your career, getting everything out of your talent, leaving nothing on the field, is the true mark of a great player.
Port fans should be congratulated for their behaviour, with only one throwing a drink on Tom Lynch, which is way less than we all predicted.
Richmond’s performance was terrific, they won at Port’s home ground, in a season that’s seen them on tour longer than The Rolling Stones.
I know everyone is so excited at the thought of them winning their third premiership in four years.
Brisbane (42) v Geelong (82)
If Richmond winning a flag doesn’t excite you, I know Patrick Dangerfield winning one will. Either way, it will be nice to see one of these long-suffering group of fans finally get a premiership.
The Channel Seven commentary team will be a hot mess calling Dangerfield, ‘The Little Master’ and Dustin Martin in one match. They’ll need to hose the commentary box down between quarters.
It will make the whole experience the closest thing to torture most of us will ever go through. At least the lockdown won’t be the worst thing we’ll go through this year.
Geelong has gotten a lot of criticism for folding in finals recently, but this year they’ve done the best thing to end that, they’ve won finals. In footy, winning fixes everything.
In footy, there’s nothing better than ending a hoodoo, mainly because footy is the only place that still uses the word hoodoo.
Against Brisbane they were all business, from early on they controlled the game and each time the Lions threatened to get back into the match, they simply didn’t let them.
Geelong did it all. Patrick Dangerfield even set up a goal with a throw Cameron Smith would have been proud of.
The AFL has turned a blind eye to throws a lot this year, so it’s nice to see them get rid of the pretence it’s still illegal altogether.
Brisbane certainly tried to get back into the game, despite the sense the magnitude of the match overwhelmed them.
Newly minted Brownlow Medallist Lachie Neale tried his best to get the Lions back into it, but the task was too much even for him.
Geelong was too organised, and their second and third-tier players, so often the weak link in their side, has become a strength this year.
It is the first time since 2011 two Victorian teams will contest a Grand Final, not that that means anything to me. I never get the pro-Victorian stance some fans take; I hate all opposition sides with an intensity that could blackout the Sun.
Plus, any policy that could see you barracking for Collingwood is a terrible one.
Unfortunately for Victorians, we won’t be celebrating the day in any meaningful way, Victoria’s contact chasing team appears to be being rebuilt by the same people who are rebuilding Carlton.
I was feeling very flat yesterday when I learnt I can’t do anything on Grand Final day, but then I remembered a bit of grass from the MCG is being driven to Queensland in a refrigerated truck to be sewn into the Gabba surface and it made up for everything.
My new book Cheat: The Not-so-subtle Art of Conning Your Way to Sporting Glory is now available for pre-order.
At the moment I’m barely able to work, so you can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. It’s greatly appreciated. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus