Sep 25, 2023


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Preliminary Finals


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


Collingwood (58) v Greater Western Sydney (57)

There was pressure, tension, yelling, anger, sweating, disappointment and in the end relief it was over.

Yep, Friday night’s game felt like a first date alright.

It was a footballing equivalent of a free-for-all all, in that the umpires went missing, and the two sides just slogged it out.

97,665 people turned up for this, with Pies fans probably having the edge in terms of numbers.  

They were thrilled to see Jordan De Goey creating the sort of chaos he usually reserves for a Bali nightclub.

The Giants however had Toby Greene who can always match anyone’s level of intensity.

They also have Tom Green, and I had the pleasure of listening to someone at the game realise in real time that there are two players with the same sounding surname on the Giants, not one player who must be the greatest player who ever lived.

Yet despite the Pies bringing the pressure, it was the Giants who got out to a 17-point lead early in the third term.

The noise from the Giants fans at the stadium was almost audible, and the Pies fans began to get very nervous.

Yet the Orange Tsunami was more a king tide, it was intense but manageable, and with the relentless of the Terminator, the Pies came back.

At the 19-minute mark of the last quarter, Jesse Hogan booted a goal to make it a one-point game.

What followed was six minutes and 18 seconds of intensity, as neither side scored a solitary point.

The noise in the stadium was so loud you could feel it, and I nervously made a note of the exits.

A Steele Sidebottom grab on the line of a Toby Greene shot on goal summed up the night, it was a game of inches, and when it finished the Giants had come up just short.

Collingwood are in the Grand Final, and luckily there are heaps of tickets for everyone.

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Brisbane (79) v Carlton (63)

There was a moment in the first quarter when every Carlton fan under 30 years old experienced the most happiness they have ever felt.

The Blues had put the first five goals on the board, and the Lions looked like a group of people unfamiliar with the sport.

Harris Andrews was arguably the one Lions player trying to stop the momentum, as the Lions midfield fumbled the ball, missed handballs, and kicked the ball to the point of least advantage.

By quarter time, Chris Fagan must have wondered who had replaced his players with the winners of ‘Australia’s Most Uncoordinated People’.

The problem for the Blues was the remaining three quarters, which proved to be problematic for them.

The Lions could not have played worse in the first quarter, all they needed to do was stop self-sabotaging like me in a relationship.

Slowly the Lions midfield remembered how to play footy, and soon the Lions were back on equal terms before building up a lead.

The Blues never gave up, but the long campaign showed, as did Brisbane’s experience.

Carlton fans should go into summer very happy, they won two, despite Charlie Curnow not playing.

The Lions fans can now turn to next week, hoping their team doesn’t forget to play an entire quarter next week.

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This week’s Sports Bizarre episode is The America’s Cup: Part Six and tomorrow an interview with John Bertrand, available wherever you get your podcasts.



Your heart wasn't in it - a big like a Friday night date night.

Sep 25, 2023

One great summary, one just phoning it in.

Apparently the blues are coming, but I haven't noticed them on the marketing material for the corporate functions for this year's big dance.

Have I missed something?


Sep 25, 2023

My comment on the eve of the Brisbane Carlton game, thankfully we are all safe now - As a society we don't speak enough about the importance of sleep. Around 1 in 5 Australians suffer from poor sleep and scientists now believe that the main reason for this is due to nightmares about a Collingwood v Carlton Grand Final. This awful scenario has crept dangerously close to reality in recent times, but there is something you can do. Support the Brisbane Lions tonight. They are the last hope of avoiding what could lead to a societal collapse in Australia in coming weeks. Send your support, prayers and may God bless and save us all.


Sep 25, 2023

And if that wasn't enough the Melb V Hawthorn AFLW was an absolute belter witnessed by nearly 2800 people


Sep 25, 2023

I reckon the Magpie fans will be hoping their team also doesn't forget to play for an entire quarter - again.

Bundy jack

Sep 25, 2023

May the Collywobbles reign and convert nothing but points. I couldn’t stand my brother. Ex Sth Aust.. ex QLD… now WA bragging till next year.

Across the Face

Sep 25, 2023

"Apparently, the blues are coming..."

Either that or they're just breathing heavily.

Eddie's Shorts

Sep 25, 2023

Phew! Narrow escape. Just as we were thinking well, maybe the Pies aren't so bad anymore and, gee, they've got a really nice coach, along comes good old Barnyard Maynard to give us a reality check. Go Lions.


Sep 25, 2023

What about those last six minutes where the umpires put away their whistles. Even a flog like Kane Cornes noticed ...or someone did for him and he read the auto-cue! Toby Greene nearly had his head removed, DeGoey got caught fending off, and even Moore (aka Legolas) got a head knock - all with no obvious free awarded. What's the term: cost 'em the game!!

Andrew Deakin

Sep 25, 2023

‘ Carlton fans should go into summer very happy, they won two, despite Charlie Curnow not playing.’ Unnecessarily cruel. CFC overachieved in the finals, courtesy of MFC.

The g train

Sep 25, 2023

So Titus’s first dates were better than average, then.

Lao Tzu taught us that “Resist the notion of victory and defeat, as everything that happens is inevitable”. The only way to cope with Collingwood’s victory and GWS’s defeat.

I’m sure I saw Charlie Curnow pop up once or twice over the last two Carlton finals. Not one to argue with Titus, but.


Con Cushion

Sep 25, 2023

Turn it up Titus ... your description of the closing stages of Friday night's game was both precise, eloquent and lacking in any form of cynicism. Turn it up Titus! Con.


Sep 25, 2023


We are NO longer a ONE man team! Who do you think got us into the finals? It was largely through our very own King Charles


Sep 25, 2023

I was sure you were going to make some sort of 'the AFL delivered what their coffers were after, the Pies into the GF' comment Titus, with the way the umpires (and now the MRP) let Collingwood get away with beheading, head slamming etc. A tad disappointed.

Fat Side

Sep 25, 2023

Can't decide whether Darcy Moore is channeling Legolas or Draco Malfoy. I also can't believe I have to barrack for Jack Ginnivan to see the flat-track bullies from Brisbane defeated on Saturday.


Sep 25, 2023

i have a dream Collinwood are ahead at full time by 5 points However Brisbane marked the ball 2 metres out from their goals 1 second before the siren went and kick it straight through the middle of the goals to win by 1 point.

The VAR guy

Sep 25, 2023

I'm hoping the GF result comes down to a contentious VAR decision.
It's taken me 45 minutes to guess the correct answer to the captcha.

G'day Bruce

Sep 25, 2023

Titus, if you had the smothering attention Curnow had over the past three weeks, you'd be in relationship heaven,except you wouldn't show up.

Who Flung Dung

Sep 26, 2023

Collingwood have a kick for goal, ball clearly misses the goal post but umpire calls it a poster, does not send it for review. Twenty five seconds to go in game. Siren goes Collingwood 1 point behind Brisbane.

Who wins the game???


Sep 26, 2023