Jun 24, 2019

AFL

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Fourteen

14 Comments

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

West Coast (106) v Essendon (71)

Don’t let the score fool you, Essendon wasn’t in this at all.

Their best players were easily the Eagles’ goal kickers who seemed to be new to the art of goalkicking. 

West Coast kicked 14.22 to Essendon’s 11.5, making a relatively easy task seem incredibly difficult. It was like listening to Michael Clarke speak. 

Josh Kennedy was the main culprit, kicking 1.5 in the first half, before finishing with 3.5. Not that the Eagles ever looked worried, they could afford to be that wasteful as Essendon don’t have a forward line at the moment.

What would be worrying Bombers fans is the lack of pressure in this game, it was concerning. 

This season has settled into a familiar pattern for Bombers fans.

Preseason delivers hype that this is the year they return to winning finals, the season starts, and John Worsfold’s game plan reminds them of reality, sadness and disappointment sets in, someone mentions getting James Hird back, rest of the competition laughs.

Sydney (82) v Hawthorn (63)

Last week, I described Sydney’s start to the season as being like a drunk stumbling out of the bar, and like me on a recent early Sunday morning, they’ve now done their hamstring.

With Lance Franklin now out for a month, it seems the Swans slim chance of making finals have been put to bed.

The Swans looked in trouble when Buddy went off in this, and it was only when they realised they were playing the Hawks did they relax and finish the job.

It certainly helped Sydney that Hawthorn lack firepower at the moment, with Jarryd Roughead having a quite night in his return to the AFL.

James Sicily also struggled up forward, which was nice to see. Alastair Clarkson referred to ‘the James Sicily Experiment’ after the match which makes me worried Sicily is about to release an album.

The real shame of the match was the fact Ben Stratton wasn’t playing. I would have loved to see the two craziest captains in the league, Stratton and Dane Rampe go at it.

In my mind, I was imagining Rampe climbing the goal post to escape Stratton who was trying to pinch him.

Melbourne (85) v Fremantle (71)

Jesse Hogan remains a key player for the Demons, with his absence helping the Dees score a much-needed victory at the MCG.

The Demons started like they’ve played all year, displaying a skill level normally reserved for backpackers having a kick for the first time.

But with Hogan going off with an injured foot, the Dees finally displayed some desire and competency that has been missing all year.

It appeared like the Demons had wound the clock back to those heady days of late 2018 when Melbourne fans were happy for several weeks in a row. 

Tom McDonald remembered how to play football, Jack Viney was more aggressive than a Queenslander with a few Bundy’s in him, and the Dees actually went into their forward fifty with some thought.

It makes you wonder where it’s been all year, although some of those players back from injury certainly helped. Melbourne just needs to win all their remaining games to have a real chance of playing finals. Too easy.

Not that they dominated this one, Fremantle was very close to winning this at times spiteful game, especially considering they were down one for most of the game.

Their frustration boiled over at times, like when Michael Walters, unable to get the Dockers ahead this week, used his head to headbutt Jay Lockhart. 

St Kilda (59) v Brisbane (115)

Charlie Cameron seemed to go out of his way to end Alan Richardson’s coaching career on the weekend. 

His five goals were brutal, with the small forward making St Kilda’s defence look, well, I was going to say ‘like spectators’, but the spectators at least knew what Cameron was doing.

The Lions as a whole were very exciting and only got more so as the game went on.

The only people who appeared keener to end Richardson’s coaching career than Cameron were the Saints players. 

St Kilda started alright, but then strangely they let the Lions, in the middle of the game, kick 13 of the 14 goals scored.

Such a weird thing to do. If I were Alan Richardson, I would have sent the runner out to tell them to stop letting the Lions score.

The lazy performance was a surprise; I would have thought the Saints would have been super excited that boom recruit Dan Hannebery was finally playing for the club. 

Hannebery was actually pretty good, but with so many of his teammates actively campaigning for their coach to go, there was only so much he could do. 

Port Adelaide (67) v Geelong (56)

I suppose the Cats were due an off night, but we should also give the Power credit, something I never like to do.

Getting the Cats after the bye is always a good thing, they’ve lost their past eight games coming off the bye.

I wonder what it is the Cats get up to on the break? They probably exhaust a lot of energy planning their mad Monday costumes.

The commentators did draw a lot of attention that Patrick Dangerfield was playing incredibly well, considering he had just become a father for the second time, the day before. They went on about it so much I started to think Dangerfield had been the one who gave birth.

As for the Power, they were just better across the ground, with Robbie Gray best on ground, and former Travis Boak dominating again. 

The win continues the Port’s ability to confuse everyone who watches them. A side that can get hammered by Hawthorn and then beat Geelong. 

It means their game against the Bulldogs looms as a danger game.

Western Bulldogs (73) v Collingwood (82) 

There were moments in this when the Pies looked very ordinary, and I thought, ‘have these guys got money on the Doggies?’

But even Collingwood at their worst is better than the Bulldogs at their best, as this game proved.

After the week they Pies had, I can understand why they may have been a little distracted. But the Pies have been off for a while, just ask a Collingwood supporter, they’ll spend the next two hours telling you all the things currently not working.

Still, I’d love my team to be struggling and sitting 2ndon the ladder, that must be tough to deal with.

The secret to the Pies victory was better players. The Dogs were working harder for long periods, but the Pies only needed a few chances to make it count.

They also had Brodie Grundy, who basically kept the Pies in it singlehandedly for long stretched of the game.

For the Doggies, this was a brutal reminder that their best is just not good enough. It’s why I relate to them.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

COMMENTS

Fat Side

Jun 24, 2019

Titus, just wondering who "former Travis Boak" has become?

Keith

Jun 24, 2019

Dear Titus, I think you deserve more credit that you are receiving for turning the Freo game plan around. No doubt Ross thinks it's down to him. Fool. Could you now start to sort out the umpires? In the old days when we all understood the rules, a player who half had the ball and was half tackled and then lost it resulted in the umpire yelling "tried to get rid of it," "knocked out" (the ball) "play on." Now of course, we have this pink brolga dance of the umpire bending over and waving his arms like skinny legs. What I am really asking, could some of these umpires actually let the game go on? There is no such rule as dropping the ball and so losing it in a crowded contested area should be play on. Don't tell me prior opportunity, go back to crowded contested area and think about it again. Thank you.

Boatster

Jun 24, 2019

@Fat Side ... Titus does mention Port's ability to confuse everyone; himself, presumably, included.

Mad Dog

Jun 24, 2019

Champagne comedy again, Tite.

But I thought you missed the biggie. The MRO demonstrated (who are we kidding, it's Mike Christian) that in seeking examples of excellence, humility and trustworthiness, we need look no further than Ash Barty.

"Not that the Eagles ever looked worried, they could afford to be that wasteful as Essendon don’t have a forward line at the moment." The quiet elegance of those last seven words is superb.

"... ‘the James Sicily Experiment’ after the match which makes me worried Sicily is about to release an album." That would be an indie slash alternative band name, right?

"Such a weird thing to do. If I were Alan Richardson, I would have sent the runner out to tell them to stop letting the Lions score." Classic TO'R.

"Charlie Cameron seemed to go out of his way to end Alan Richardson’s coaching career on the weekend." BLAMM!! Right from the opening and a geat ongoing gag. Mad skills!

"I suppose the Cats were due an off night, but we should also give the Power credit, something I never like to do." So HONEST it's funny. (Shows us how far we have come, as a society, when honesty is comedy!)

"There were moments in this when the Pies looked very ordinary, and I thought, ‘have these guys got money on the Doggies?' " Brilliant opener. It seems like an obvious 'get' of course, but the execution is pure class. Respect.

"For the Doggies, this was a brutal reminder that their best is just not good enough. It’s why I relate to them." Blunt self-flagellation, TO'R, but MAN! do you know how to sign off!!

Bloke from the outer

Jun 24, 2019

MAD DOG

'It was like listening to Michael Clarke speak. ' was the pearler for me (first time I've ever quoted Titus)

Auntie Lager

Jun 24, 2019

...and what has become of current Travis Boak?

Vic Parkes

Jun 24, 2019

While the result was largely irrelevant because the Cats will probably still end up minor premiers, what was great about the Geelong - Power game is that the umpires, who must be in some sort of wages dispute with the AFL, almost totally failed to blow their whistles. That meant in turn that the players were allowed to play and the spectators there and watching on TV actually enjoyed a really full-on game of footy. I put it down to a couple of things. No attention-seeking Ray Chamberlain and no Mr Bald-Headed Flog. Almost anonymous umpires! Who'd have thought that was a good idea?

Fat Side

Jun 24, 2019

@Boatster & @ Auntie Lager ,,,, Maybe he's in a contractual dispute with Port or some-such, but it could get to be a bit of a mouthful for the commentators if he has to be called as "the footballer formerly known as Travis Boak" every time he goes near the ball.

Mad Dog

Jun 24, 2019

BLOKE FROM THE OUTER

It's a ripper alright. There's no shortage.

I suspect than some fans may only read their own teams' reports so I quote a range of my personal favourites to encourage them to read the lot. Plus great comedy writing should be acknowledged.

Daniel B

Jun 24, 2019

You missed a trick there, Titus, with Dane Rampe this week deciding to play spectator while the ball bounced through the goal on the three-quarter-time siren.

dean

Jun 24, 2019

So, Freo are 8th on the ladder and Richmond 9th. What suspense! It is like waiting for James Brayshaw to call somebody a “big unit”.

Kim jong un

Jun 24, 2019

Dis is vootball at its best dai krucifiii nutha koach richo dun not rong cept knot win games. Vot is rong vy eveyone always vont win alltime. Media set genda not snt killa board not gud vay goem. Snt killa kneed get dwarf revenge to set dem on fire, bigga payback time. Vest kost dey be betta shootem goles den voosa kneed go two. Know gameplan know future, time ta bring back Tanina. Kollinvood nuf s.e
ppd dey play like dogs just beet dogs at marval kennel. All wround AFL fooked no leeda ship not like in my kuntry where deer leeda, dats meeee, is supreem koach anyvun not like meee, go boom boom time. Time ta clean out kubbord. Peeple need stand at game shout gilly must go, gilly must go til knitwits on kommyishen kik hid ass out door say bye bye gilly.

manfacingnortheast

Jun 25, 2019

I don't know how many times a team can shoot itself in the foot and still have a leg to stand on, but the Western Bulldogs keep pulling that trigger.

You can't hope to win games when you're ranked 17th in the AFL for set shot efficiency. You can't hope to win games when you kick for goal just like geriatric people do yoga.

The Bulldogs would've beaten COLL on Sunday if they'd kicked their set shots from 40 metres out straight in front like full-time professionals are supposed to kick their set shots from 40 metres out straight in front.

Don't they have people in charge of his sort of thing?

Mad Dog

Jun 26, 2019

KIM JON UN:

Would West Coast shoot more goals with an anti-aircraft gun in your opinion?

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