Jun 21, 2021


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Fourteen


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Tuesday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.


Geelong (83) v Western Bulldogs (78)

If there was any fairy tale every footy fan has always wanted, it’s Gary Rohan kicking a goal after the siren for a Geelong win. Dreams do come true!

It was an exciting moment for the 7,000 people present, all spread out safely across the stadium due to Covid restrictions, and not jammed into one section at all.

The game itself was a cracker. The first quarter was a slog, but once the second quarter got going, here were two top teams going at it, with the lead changing constantly.

Geelong was significantly helped by the defence of Tom Stewart, who surely will have to be deployed by the Australian military if we are ever subject to a missile strike. He would intercept everything. Forget the billion-dollar submarines.

Joel Selwood was again his brave self, bravely making unnecessary contact to the face of Bailey Dale and then bravely booting Taylor Duryea’s leg.

It was so brave the AFL decided to not suspend him but fine him.

The last quarter was a mad scramble, with numerous lead changes. When the returning Toby McLean dribbled a goal in late, it seemed the Bulldogs had secured a difficult win, only for the Cats to push forward in the dying seconds, with every Bulldogs’ supporter yelling ‘no!’ at the TV and this time not because of the commentary.

When Rohan marked and the siren went, it was still no sure thing. But from the moment it left his boot it looked good, and as the ball sailed through, the Cats fans erupted.

What a fairy tale come true!


Gold Coast (31) v Port Adelaide (81)

It’s impossible to convey with the written word just how bad the Gold Coast Football Club were in this.

Yes, I just used their full name like when someone is in trouble and their parent uses their full name.

Having ‘football’ in their name must have them dangerously close to false advertising.

For most of the game, it appeared only Touk Miller had got the memo that the game was on.

The rest seem to spend their time avoiding Ollie Wines like he was Covid positive, leading to him gathering 43 disposals.

The rest of the time they were kicking to Aliir Aliir.

Port was great, but they didn’t really need to be, even at their worst they would have won comfortably.

The Suns are nowhere currently. If people had any interest in them, they’d be under immense pressure.

Next week the Suns play North, a game that won’t need social distancing regulations, it will happen organically.

North Melbourne (45) v Brisbane (68)

Speaking of North, they at least put a lot of effort in on the weekend, unfortunately, they just don’t have the ability.

Their first quarter saw them handball like kicking was illegal, getting them in all sorts of problems.

North at least managed to drag the Lions down to their level, and almost managed to keep them there for three quarters, but the Lions managed to overcome their own lethargy to ground out win.

The conditions didn’t help, with the rain turning the field into a slip and slide.

The umpires responded by calling everything deliberate out of bounds, an astonishing six times in the third quarter alone.

Players must adjust to the conditions, umpires it seems do not.

It was a good enough performance to suggest some improvement for North, proving once again, that if you lower expectations to rock bottom, even the bare minimum looks good.

Greater Western Sydney (102) v Carlton (66)

Another season, another year of Carlton dashing their fans hopes on the rocks of despair.

Apart from a strong third quarter, the Blues put together their usual performance of letting their opponents score a lot, while not scoring much themselves.

As well as not scoring, the Blues were also not tackling. It suggests the review into what is not working in the football department may produce the longest document ever written.

The worst thing for Blues fans, is they know that when their coach and other key people speak this week, they don’t have the answers.

You can see it in their eyes.

The Giants had it too easy all game, except for the third quarter, and even this rally was snuffed out all to easily.

Toby Greene again showed he can be both brilliant, with an enormous torp for a goal after the siren, and an idiot, with a completely unnecessary punch to the stomach of Nic Newman followed by touching an umpire.

The AFL only fined him for the punch, due to, I assume, his unblemished record in this area.

If the AFL wanted to stamp out acts like Joel Selwood’s and Greene’s they’d suspend them, so we can only assume this is part of the game they’re happy with.


Hawthorn (73) v Essendon (86)

It was a great weekend for the good blokes in footy, with Jake Stringer starring in this game.

His 29 disposals and four goals were the difference between the two sides, with Essendon fans thrilled with the win, despite it being against a Hawks side that is not very good.

That said, the Hawks have shown improvement in the last two weeks.

Like that rash I picked up in South America, the Hawks just wouldn’t go away in this one.

Essendon fans were particularly nervous, remembering that in Round One, Hawthorn overcame a 40 point deficit to beat the Bombers by one point.

The difference now is Essendon’s younger brigade are giving four-quarter efforts.

Bombers fans were left happy with the win and wondering what they’d be like if Jake Stringer played like this consistently.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus




Jun 21, 2021

Selwood's fine is just petty cash to him. Does he have to pay the fine before he can play again? I would suggest the fines be pegged to a percentage of the player's pay, and that it be a meaningful amount.

Bernadette White

Jun 21, 2021

Alas, only a fairy tale if you are a Cats supporter. Otherwise, a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions.

The g train

Jun 21, 2021

“Dreams do come true!”. Unfortunately, only for people who are already heroes.

“Another season, another year of Carlton dashing their fans hopes on the rocks of despair.” Spot on. Read a column mid week: “What is wrong with Carlton this season?”. Went into great depth and analysis. But it’s very simple. What’s wrong with Carlton this season is the same as last season, and the season before that, and the season before that, and the season before that, and the season before that, and the season before that...Feel that the “rocks of despair” description is actually trivialising the issue. Speaking as a StK supporter.

Gary Bourke

Jun 21, 2021

If we are not going to suspend players who punch , gouge and kick then we need to instigate a scale of fines commensurate with location and force.
Obviously the head and balls are sacrosanct : $10 large for a punch , $15 large for a kick. Ribs $500 , arms and legs $500 each .
Double demerits if the victim is injured ( phony Bandages don’t count)
Fines are cumulative not concurrent for each action .


Jun 21, 2021

It appears the AFL has already adopted your system Gazza.


Jun 21, 2021

Big fella this bombers result makes me a little nervous for next week's big game for the DEES


Jun 21, 2021

The AFL "you can punch and kick but please don't bump ". A punch is always a punch , a kick is always a kick , start automatic 1 week and scale up not down . Bumps case by case . Seems way too simple obviously will never happen

Across the Face

Jun 21, 2021

#Selwood's fine is just petty cash to him. Does he have to pay the fine before he can play again? I would suggest the fines be pegged to a percentage of the player's pay, and that it be a meaningful amount.#

So true. A thousand smackers is just walking around money for guys at his level. Geelong must be laughing till they wet their collective pants.

Dirty Joel Season 2

Jun 21, 2021

Stringer will never be a consistently good player until he learns to keep his tongue in his gob. It’s no coincidence that Petracca became a consistent high performer exactly when he stopped hanging his tongue out like a cross between The Joker and a thirsty labrador on the back of a ute every time he kicked a goal.

If we wanted to look at tongues wagging and flapping everywhere, we’d go to the zoo.


Jun 21, 2021

Speaking as a Bombers fan, I think the last time we consistently played out all 4 quarters in a game was around 2000...

Jo Atmos

Jun 21, 2021

Just thought I'd mention... Joel Selwood is the AFL's National Auskick Ambassador... Appalling behaviour :( Need I say more!

Derek Fletcher

Jun 21, 2021

General comment here: A lot of the time now when a player gets a free for in the back or a high tackle and finds himself on the ground with an oppo. player on top of him. the oppo. player takes as long as he can to get up and delay the player taking the free. In past years this was deemed deliberate time wasting and attracted a 50 metre penalty . Isn't happening now and i think it should. Delaying tactic used for defending team to set up. Same goes for slow return of the ball to the player awarded the free.

Mr Nobody

Jun 21, 2021

Derek—100%. Good stuff. They bring in rules to try and speed things up, then don’t enforce 50 m penalties for dead set time wasting. Sure, Mumford can get away with getting up awkwardly after smashing someone to the turf—but an an AFL footballer with elite athletic abilities?

“It’s *impossible* to convey with the written word just how bad the Gold Coast Football Club were in this.” But you gave it a good crack, Titus.

Jon Greenwood

Jun 22, 2021

Joel, Joel ,Joel.
Gee I wonder why the indignant Steve Hocking didn’t comment or take these incidents further ????
Imagine the media and AFL outrage if Tom Lynch had of done that 😱😱😱😱😱😱

Pete Rose

Jun 22, 2021

So Chris Scott does not want Joel Selwood's latest indiscretion to damage his reputation. Would that be his reputation for deliberately seeking head high contact to collect free kicks and his other little regular 'accidents' to opponents? Those 'accidents' that in days gone by were called actions of snipers? If the AFL seriously wish to eliminate head high contact then a free should be awarded AGAINST Selwood every time he ducks his head, if that doesn't stop him then regular suspensions might. Oh yeah, that won't happen because old Geelong boy Hocking won't do the right thing.

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