Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Tuesday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Friday

Geelong (83) v Western Bulldogs (78)

If there was any fairy tale every footy fan has always wanted, it’s Gary Rohan kicking a goal after the siren for a Geelong win. Dreams do come true!

It was an exciting moment for the 7,000 people present, all spread out safely across the stadium due to Covid restrictions, and not jammed into one section at all.

The game itself was a cracker. The first quarter was a slog, but once the second quarter got going, here were two top teams going at it, with the lead changing constantly.

Geelong was significantly helped by the defence of Tom Stewart, who surely will have to be deployed by the Australian military if we are ever subject to a missile strike. He would intercept everything. Forget the billion-dollar submarines.

Joel Selwood was again his brave self, bravely making unnecessary contact to the face of Bailey Dale and then bravely booting Taylor Duryea’s leg.

It was so brave the AFL decided to not suspend him but fine him.

The last quarter was a mad scramble, with numerous lead changes. When the returning Toby McLean dribbled a goal in late, it seemed the Bulldogs had secured a difficult win, only for the Cats to push forward in the dying seconds, with every Bulldogs’ supporter yelling ‘no!’ at the TV and this time not because of the commentary.

When Rohan marked and the siren went, it was still no sure thing. But from the moment it left his boot it looked good, and as the ball sailed through, the Cats fans erupted.

What a fairy tale come true!

Saturday

Gold Coast (31) v Port Adelaide (81)

It’s impossible to convey with the written word just how bad the Gold Coast Football Club were in this.

Yes, I just used their full name like when someone is in trouble and their parent uses their full name.

Having ‘football’ in their name must have them dangerously close to false advertising.

For most of the game, it appeared only Touk Miller had got the memo that the game was on.

The rest seem to spend their time avoiding Ollie Wines like he was Covid positive, leading to him gathering 43 disposals.

The rest of the time they were kicking to Aliir Aliir.

Port was great, but they didn’t really need to be, even at their worst they would have won comfortably.

The Suns are nowhere currently. If people had any interest in them, they’d be under immense pressure.

Next week the Suns play North, a game that won’t need social distancing regulations, it will happen organically.

North Melbourne (45) v Brisbane (68)

Speaking of North, they at least put a lot of effort in on the weekend, unfortunately, they just don’t have the ability.

Their first quarter saw them handball like kicking was illegal, getting them in all sorts of problems.

North at least managed to drag the Lions down to their level, and almost managed to keep them there for three quarters, but the Lions managed to overcome their own lethargy to ground out win.

The conditions didn’t help, with the rain turning the field into a slip and slide.

The umpires responded by calling everything deliberate out of bounds, an astonishing six times in the third quarter alone.

Players must adjust to the conditions, umpires it seems do not.

It was a good enough performance to suggest some improvement for North, proving once again, that if you lower expectations to rock bottom, even the bare minimum looks good.

Greater Western Sydney (102) v Carlton (66)

Another season, another year of Carlton dashing their fans hopes on the rocks of despair.

Apart from a strong third quarter, the Blues put together their usual performance of letting their opponents score a lot, while not scoring much themselves.

As well as not scoring, the Blues were also not tackling. It suggests the review into what is not working in the football department may produce the longest document ever written.

The worst thing for Blues fans, is they know that when their coach and other key people speak this week, they don’t have the answers.

You can see it in their eyes.

The Giants had it too easy all game, except for the third quarter, and even this rally was snuffed out all to easily.

Toby Greene again showed he can be both brilliant, with an enormous torp for a goal after the siren, and an idiot, with a completely unnecessary punch to the stomach of Nic Newman followed by touching an umpire.

The AFL only fined him for the punch, due to, I assume, his unblemished record in this area.

If the AFL wanted to stamp out acts like Joel Selwood’s and Greene’s they’d suspend them, so we can only assume this is part of the game they’re happy with.

Sunday

Hawthorn (73) v Essendon (86)

It was a great weekend for the good blokes in footy, with Jake Stringer starring in this game.

His 29 disposals and four goals were the difference between the two sides, with Essendon fans thrilled with the win, despite it being against a Hawks side that is not very good.

That said, the Hawks have shown improvement in the last two weeks.

Like that rash I picked up in South America, the Hawks just wouldn’t go away in this one.

Essendon fans were particularly nervous, remembering that in Round One, Hawthorn overcame a 40 point deficit to beat the Bombers by one point.

The difference now is Essendon’s younger brigade are giving four-quarter efforts.

Bombers fans were left happy with the win and wondering what they’d be like if Jake Stringer played like this consistently.

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