Jun 11, 2019

AFL

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Twelve

18 Comments

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.

Richmond (37) v Geelong (104)

Don’t let the 67-point beatdown fool you, it was the AFL’s score review system that lost it for the Tigers on Friday night. 

At least that was what the drunk Richmond supporter at my local impressed upon me for a full four hours after this game finished. Why did I listen for so long? Simple, he was buying.

We all know the score review system is absolutely firetrucked, but what would you expect from the AFL?

A Jack Higgins goal in the second term was ruled a behind because once again, the AFL has terrible technology and then hires people who don’t know how to use it. 

The AFL’s Steve ‘What part of the game can I ruin this week’ Hocking, said in response:

“In the last fortnight, there have been significant errors made during score reviews that have undermined the confidence of our clubs and the football public in the system.”

The key concern in this statement is Hocking thought the clubs and the public once had confidence in the system.

Score reviews aside, even the most optimistic of Geelong supporters couldn’t have predicted the Cats would be this good this season. 

They are better than good; they are currently several levels above any other side. 

The only way they won’t win the premiership is if my fiendish plan to swap Chris with Brad comes to fruition.

Carlton (78) v Brisbane (63)

I think Brisbane have to leave the competition now. I assume that’s what happens in such a situation. 

What I am sure of is David Teague is the greatest Carlton coach since David Parkin. 

How did he get his team to suddenly start performing like, well, a team?

I like to think he got up in front of them before the game and said something like:

“Boys, the Carlton Football Club just sacked Brendon Bolton, one of the nicest people in football. The board have told me they liked Brendon, yet they sacked him without blinking an eye.

“The board have asked me to let you know they don’t particularly like any of you. Just imagine what they’ll do to you.”

When it came down to it, Brisbane just couldn’t handle Patrick Cripps, who had 38 disposals and, just to show off, kicked four goals.

Cripps would have to be the best player in the competition at the moment. His performance over the past few years has been astounding when you consider he often has the opposition and his teammates both actively working against him.

Against Brisbane, his teammates adopted a new approach, helping him, which often meant just getting out of his way. 

A Carlton win didn’t seem at all likely in the beginning, with the Lions getting out to a six-goal lead in the second quarter.

To then go on and lose to the Blues calls for a Royal Commission. The biggest one in Queensland since the Fitzgerald Inquiry. 

Gold Coast (72) v North Melbourne (99)

This had fewer people attending it than the game in China did. 

This means in recent weeks; both the Giants and the Suns have pulled in smaller crowds than the game in China.

Now, to be fair, the official AFL figure of 9412 for that China game is about as accurate as an age provided by a reality TV contestant. 

It shocks me that only 9305 people were interested in seeing Rhyce Shaw coach, an experience I’ll be telling our grandkids about.

Shaw once again had all the answers, although this was the Suns, so the questions weren’t very hard. 

While the Suns have shown a commitment towards doing the hard things, it’s a worry that they seem to be going backwards. 

Stuart Dew said they were lucky this wasn’t a lot worse. He was correct, and they were also lucky barely anyone saw it.

Adelaide (82) v Greater Western Sydney (61)

Adelaide’s commitment to constantly befuddling their fans continues, losing when they shouldn’t, winning when they shouldn’t, then losing when they should. 

Once again, after looking awful last week against Melbourne, the Crows then turned around and beat one of the top teams, with their much-maligned forward line doing something new, kicking goals in key moments.

Even Tex Walker, the source of a lot of criticism stood up with an important pack mark and goal. I know, I saw it and am still surprised I’m writing it.

Even more impressive was the fact the Crows slipped behind late in the last quarter and still managed to come back and win comprehensively. 

It’s the sort of victory that the Crows can build on. They can really let their fans down in the near future now.

The loss means the Giants season is left in tatters with them now sitting a lowly third on the ladder. Oh, maybe not in tatters then. Mildly inconvenienced might be more accurate.

Sydney (116) v West Coast (71) 

The Eagles haven’t won on the SCG since 1999 and based on this performance; I can’t see them winning before 2099.

West Coast looked disorganised without Shannon Hurn, and the Swans took advantage with both Lance Franklin and Tom Papley kicking five goals each.

It was quite the performance by the Swans, who were undermanned but made the reigning premiers look ordinary at times.

Sydney had three players on the bench for all of the second half, yet you wouldn’t know it for the way the game was going.

Even with Jarrad McVeigh, Colin O'Riordan and Jackson Thurlow all out, Dane Rampe kept Josh Kennedy goalless in the second half.

Obviously, this means the Eagles season is over, until after the bye. Let’s not overreact.

Pleasingly for the Swans, Buddy’s performance showed he’s recovered for his offseason groin surgery.

As the saying goes, when Buddy’s groins are happy, Sydney is happy.

Collingwood (98) v Melbourne (57)

It was a weird build-up to this game; I had Pies fans telling me they were nervous and Demons fans telling me they thought the Dees could win. 

Obviously, something far stronger than Rabbit Terrine was being served before the game.

Either that or the people I spoke to had not watched footy this year.

To be blunt, Melbourne are just bad. They have been all year.

All the talk of injuries, an interrupted pre-season etc., can’t explain how a side that almost played in a Preliminary final last year, produced some of the utter garbage they served up in this game.

They were simply lucky Collingwood didn’t kick straight early on, or they could have been five goals down in the first five minutes.

Even the umpires tried desperately to help Melbourne but as they say, ‘you can give a Melbourne forward a cheap free, but you can’t make them kick straight.’

The umpires even awarded a free kick against Jeremy Howe for outmarking someone, something I didn’t know had been disallowed. It’s hard to keep up with all the changes these days.

Collingwood lacked polish at times, but they always had Melbourne’s skills to fall back on.

The general pattern went; Melbourne kick a behind, Collingwood kick a goal, Melbourne kick a behind, Collingwood kick a goal.

The Pies were simply a class above. When they kick into their forward line, it’s to one of their own forwards, not a four-on-one contest or straight to an opposition defender. It’s revolutionary and I hope Simon Goodwin took notes.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

COMMENTS

dean

Jun 11, 2019

The score review system is like a flu jab. It’s reassuring to have but ultimately useless, and the AFL went full George Orwell this week after that hit/missed post bungle in the first match. Within 20 minutes, a never before seen technology was wheeled out for viewers, complete with comedic graphics and commentators at pains to convince us there wasn’t an error. True, but only because there were actually 2 errors. The second is the AFL now have spies in the crowd photographing people and reporting them to the integrity unit for heinous crimes like yelling at umpires. Integrity. Using spies. Let that sink in. Earlier in the week, the AFL apologised for their failure in the Adam Goodes fiasco. The coming weeks will see further apologies issued for Carlton’s M&Ms guernsey, Razor Ray, Meatloaf, Channel 7 commentary and their attempts to procure plutonium.

Herman

Jun 11, 2019

I left Darwin for Thailand to avoid Melbournes game there.But I made the mistake of flying to Melbourne to watch yesterday's game.Maybe I should head for sanctuary in Mongolia.Hopefully no AFL available there.

Auntie Lager

Jun 11, 2019

A new one for the venacular:
The "Jeremy Howler" - inexplicable umpiring decision

Some Bloke

Jun 11, 2019

Dwayne Russell called Carlton's win "another of those ‘where were you when’ moments".
I was on the front deck of a country pub, not actually watching, but still...

Fat Side

Jun 11, 2019

Just waiting for Richmond to sack Hardwick and appoint an interim coach so we can get back on the winners list.

John Nicholls

Jun 11, 2019

Carlton's rebuild going according to plan.

Gary Ablett Jnr Jnr

Jun 11, 2019

“Even the umpires tried desperately to help Melbourne but as they say, ‘you can give a Melbourne forward a cheap free, but you can’t make them kick straight.’”

Gold. Stunned so many turned out yesterday to watch what must be one of the most predictable annual sporting results going.

Scaramanga

Jun 11, 2019

you disappoint me Titus - no reference to the sighting of the bald headed flog in your missive - while not as rare as the noisy short-arsed show off, still worthy of note - as were the flock of tediously inconsistent bustards on saturday night - has it come to this - sign up for Scaramangas School of Politically Correct Insults - profanity free and way to long for most people to get it

FLANKER

Jun 11, 2019

Was going to say it was Rampe's 150th and you missed opportunity for a Rampe joke. But with the AFL writing your material it's a question of what to leave out.

Brenton Davy

Jun 11, 2019

Spectators getting ejected for calling an umpire a "bald headed flog". What next? Ejection for farting within 12 rows of the umpires race? A life ban for questioning the bloodlines of one of the green ma... umm... Mediator of AFL Fluid Rules Of Play? Soon we won't even be able to spank our kids if they misbehave.

Oh, wait...

Bob the Snob

Jun 11, 2019

Teague's rev-up:
“Boys, the Carlton Football Club just sacked Brendon Bolton, one of the nicest people in football. The board have told me they liked Brendon, yet they sacked him without blinking an eye.
“The board have asked me to let you know they don’t particularly like any of you. Just imagine what they’ll do to you.”
GOLD!

But I will never, ever tip against any team that sacked their coach the week before. This could start a new trend of clubs sacking their coach just to get desperately needed wins.

Mad Dog

Jun 11, 2019

Dean: Are you an anti-vaxxer?
and Flanker: The AFL writing this? They would have to be into public self-flagellation.

Anyway:

"His performance over the past few years has been astounding when you consider he often has the opposition and his teammates both actively working against him."

"Collingwood lacked polish at times, but they always had Melbourne’s skills to fall back on."

Thanks for more champagne comedy.

Beautiful moments, Tite.

Bloods05

Jun 11, 2019

Calling an umpire a bald-headed flog IS a hanging offence. Using the word flog in any context at all should get you banned for life.

Stephen

Jun 11, 2019

Apparently the score reviewer was able to find a piece of video that showed the ball hitting the post (when it didn’t) but couldn’t find the video that showed that it missed the goal post. I mean to say the F**g didn’t even make it “Umpire’s Call”. He declared it clearly a behind.

dean

Jun 11, 2019

mad dog> not sure if you are not yet aware of the spy thing or just misunderstood my comment, but "GAWD NO!" is my answer.

Studs up

Jun 11, 2019

Guess we can thank the Toby Greene Rule for the Jeremy Howe mark reversal...

Where is the podcast

Jun 11, 2019

Hi Titus,
There’s only so many Ted Talks I can listen to in the morning without going insane. Where is the podcast? Hope Sergio isn’t in hospital again.

MICK L

Jun 12, 2019

We really are in a police state.
First the police raid on the ABC and now the police ejecting fans for umpire abuse.
What is to be next?
I suggest the Jolimonts should stick to skiing on Saturday afternoon

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