Jun 07, 2021


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Twelve


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.


Melbourne (97) v Brisbane (75)

We all know we live in strange times. Lockdowns, saturation reporting on the Royal family as if they’re interesting and a rock-solid Melbourne side.

Not that they looked rock-solid in the first half. Melbourne supporters felt the darkness returning as the Dees floundered under the white-hot pressure of Brisbane.

Yet nothing underlines the seismic shift in this team than the fact they adjusted on the fly, got things under control and went on to win comfortably.

I’m still in shock, I’m not used to feeling proud of my team.

Brisbane looked great early on, they applied so much pressure that Melbourne looked like a deer in the headlights.

Up forward Eric Hipwood and Joe Daniher were dominating. Things got so bad that I saw one Melbourne fan tweet that the Dees desperately needed Ben Brown.

But footy games are long, they’re a test of stamina as much as skill, and in the second half, the Dees ran all over the Lions like they weren’t even there.

One bit of play showing Joe Daniher barely making an effort to defend has been shared widely on social media, as the Dees chained together a bunch of handballs that led to a goal, but he was hardly the only Lion out on his feet late in the game.

The only thing for Dees fans to worry about now is it’s a long season, but this is better than anything we’ve had in decades, and I am here for it.


Sydney (92) v St Kilda (83)

You’d think St Kilda fans have suffered enough, but every Saints supporter knows their team’s ability to hurt them is infinite.

On Saturday, they watched Jack Higgins, arguably their best player on the day, also kick 1.6, blowing numerous chances to win the game.

Only St Kilda could participate in a scenario where your best player is also a key reason you lost.

Saints fans don’t need this nonsense, especially while in lockdown, these days are had enough without your football team torturing you.

The Swans dodged a bullet in this one. They controlled stoppages early but against a Saints side that has been underwhelming in recent weeks, this was hardly a dominant display.

Still, a win is a win, and while relying on opponents to miss set shots isn’t an ideal strategy, it’s amazing how often it works.

Adelaide (73) v Collingwood (78)

Collingwood ventured into South Australia with more security surrounding them than the plane in Con Air.

While we know the results of this game, it will be a few days until we discover how many people got Covid from the poison ball in use of the game.

If Jamie Elliott can have this big an impact on the Pies, perhaps he should be the one putting together a ticket to run for the board.

He was so good I expect him to be released to free up cap space at the end of the year.

Unlike previous games, the Pies seemed to have both a game plan and the will to execute it.

Even handballs and kicks were hitting targets, and astoundingly, these handballs and kicks were going forward, not backwards. And people say miracles aren’t real.

Despite the Pies hot start, it felt like Adelaide were going to run over the top of them because that’s what always happens to Collingwood.

But when the Pies needed him, again Jamie Elliott bobbed up and kicked another goal.

The relief from Pies fans could be felt across the Victoria, something good happened to them, for the first time in some time.

Darcy Parish (84) v Richmond (123)

Dreamtime at Optus Stadium certainly provided the crowd such an event deserves; 55,656 people crammed in to watch Richmond reassert their position as a top team.

This game itself was pretty entertaining too, with Essendon coming back from 30-points down in the third quarter to take the lead in the final quarter.

But that effort to get back proved to be all the Bombers had, as the Tigers then piled on the goals, for a winning margin that properly flattered Richmond.

While Essendon didn’t get the win, but their performance wouldn’t have Bombers fans too disheartened, given the fight they showed and one Darcy Parish.

Parish was simply ridiculous, racking up a club-record 44 disposals and he almost singlehandedly got the Bombers back into the game.

It was an important performance due to Andrew McGrath going off injured early in the game.

But Richmond are still a pretty good side, what with that Dusty Martin guy running around doing things.

Claims Richmond are on the slide seem premature. What if they are doing that thing they peak at the right time again?

Oh my god, it could happen again.   


Carlton (73) v West Coast (95)

In a world so unpredictable, there is something comforting about the unwavering predictability of the Carlton Football Club.

Against a severely depleted Eagles side, playing away from Optus Stadium, the Blues did everything to not win.

Before the game Eagles forward Liam Ryan didn’t look fully fit, so of course, he kicked four goals and took nine marks, including one that will be the mark of the week (pending irregular voting patterns).

Carlton wasn’t helped when their entire forward line went off concussed early in the game, but I believe they could have lost even if that hadn’t happened.

What’s most frustrating about the loss for Blues supporters is all the same things will be said this week by the club and nothing will change.

It’s amazing Collingwood’s board is the only one under the threat of a spill.

Fremantle (65) v Western Bulldogs (93)

Less a game and more an opportunity for Fremantle players to injure themselves.

It was like putting ten kids on a trampoline at once. Total carnage.

The Dockers tried, but the Doggies skill level was just too high, plus that Marcus Bontempelli guy got in the way a lot, especially with the two long bombs he kicked.

Aaron Naughton continued this week’s tradition of kicking inaccurately for goal, booting 1.5. He took a nice mark though.

For the Bulldogs it was a good bounce back after their loss last week, for Fremantle, it looks like any chance of finals have been severely injured.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus




Jun 07, 2021

"like a dear in the headlights."

Oh deer


Jun 07, 2021

"The Dees ran all over the Lions like they weren't even there" - I thought I saw the Lions team bus leaving at half time!

Gary Bourke

Jun 07, 2021

Gary Bourke
Will the AFL recall all the copies of the 2020 Laws of Australian Football to remove section 18:6 Holding the Ball or just distribute bottles of white out to all the umpires so they can do it themselves ( given that after this round the rule is no longer relevant )


Jun 07, 2021

Adelaide v Collingwood was really
45 strangers vs Jamie Elliot
and Jamie still won

Ken Cooper

Jun 07, 2021

I hope you have started, maybe even finished, your report for the GF should the Dees make it, and win of course. I suspect you, like me, will be physically incapable of finding a keyboard, let alone using it, either way. Beer is the solution to all problems and we will solve many problems, win or lose. That word win, when coupled with the words Grand and Final, is surely a problem looking for a solution??

Andrew Collison

Jun 07, 2021

The lockdown needs to end! Otherwise the umps from the Swans/Saints game won't have country reserves match to get appointed to next week.

DP Machine

Jun 07, 2021

'Only St Kilda could participate in a scenario where your best player is also a key reason you lost.'

Ah Titus, you forgot about the other team that makes a specialty of this exact thing only a couple of hours later.

Tex being the culprit not for anything like the first time.

Still, when pre-season you asked the footy gods for a much improved season with plenty of promise, but still a bottom 4 finish to maximise the resultant draft pick, Saturday's result was actually the best possible.

Jack Graham to win Richmond's B & F

Jun 07, 2021

He was so good I expect him to be released to free up cap space at the end of the year.
Darcy Parish (84) v Richmond (123).

Just like your Dees, you're on fire Titus!

The g train

Jun 07, 2021

“You’d think St Kilda fans have suffered enough, but every Saints supporter knows their team’s ability to hurt them is infinite.”

Being a StK supporter—I focus on the pain; the only thing that’s real (apologies to 9” Nails). We, the loyal StK supporters, have achieved the impossible—the ability to withstand infinite pain. And then come back for more (still an open metaphysical debate if you can add more pain to infinite pain).

Meg Markle

Jun 07, 2021

Titus - the suspense is killing me. Can you please find out when holding the ball is coming back. The AFL are obviously just messing with us now. They've got us used to rules coming and going and then over-correcting and then over-correcting the over-correction but it normally goes for a week, sometimes two. Poor old holding the ball has been gone for at least a month now. Bring it back!

Atrocious Conditions

Jun 07, 2021

"It was like putting ten kids on a trampoline at once."

Yes. Yes it was.

Halftime Spray

Jun 07, 2021

Jack Higgins 1.6. Aaron Naughton 1.5

Even though Peter Hudson is still alive, he must be spinning in his grave.

Fat Side

Jun 07, 2021

Peter Hudson ( from the grave ? ) says "Forget about bananas and check-sides, give these kids a wet, muddy football weighing about 10 lbs and shaped more like a basketball and ask them to do a flat punt for goal, and they wouldn't have a clue!"


Jun 07, 2021

Enjoy your time to shine Dees fans and what awaits, believe….hope the tigers play the dees in the finals, cracking game


Jun 07, 2021

See the Victorian Government have provided additional relief for Alpine resorts due to bookings being way down because Melbourne are on top of the table.


Jun 07, 2021

Jamie Elliot to the Dogs then in 2022 if he keeps playing well.


Jun 07, 2021

Titus old mate with a couple of exceptions I am normally proud of the mighty DEES but I agree this sort of form is normally held for the last third of a season screaming to run out of juice. I was worried with my sanity as I took the crows in my tips and the black and white filth back stabbed me.never again for them NEVER EVER AGAIN ..enjoy this ride GO DEES


Jun 07, 2021

When someone 187cm pushes over someone 202cm with what looked like a Jedi move, you know that the force is strong with your team.

PS Swans kicked more behinds than goals, Saints kicked more goals that behinds - Swans more inaccurate than Higgins.


Jun 07, 2021

Thought you might have mentioned the training St Kilda have obviously done with the Italian soccer team on how to drop dead when someone brushes past

saint peter

Jun 08, 2021

collingwood have lost the plot. even trying to lose they stuffed it up. is nobody listening to buck's message.

Running Dog

Jun 08, 2021

Titus, I'm not sure about the accuracy of your comment about Fremantle putting 10 kids on a trampoline, even though it was probably one of those metagorical triple sec entendre things with lots of ambiguidexterity. I think they put the whole team on it, as well as Aaron Naughton. Hard to improve on 1.5 while Peter Hudson is performing a backward somersault.


Jun 08, 2021

I remember that Italian soccer team in 2006!
They were diabolical. But so were the later-to-be-found corrupt FIFA officials.
And even the Italians that we were with in Italy had the grace to look sheepish and embarrassed. Best euros that Berlesconi ever spent was on those referees....crook. And furthermore I’ve not watched another World Cup game since.

I’m still getting over losing 2 home games when in both we were up 30 points in the third...... and now they’re all injured. Even my fave Liam Ryan has deep vein thrombosis from the aerial work.......

Geez I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about Melbourne FC.
I get all sad and morose thinking about Melbourne the city.
Hang in there Victoria. We will all still hate you when you come back from lockdown. We won’t have forgotten your attempts to turn it all back into the VFL.....!

Across the Face

Jun 08, 2021

*Hang in there Victoria. We will all still hate you when you come back from lockdown. We won’t have forgotten your attempts to turn it all back into the VFL.....!*

Now now.