Aug 01, 2022

AFL

The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Twenty

30 Comments

Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Friday

Fremantle (39) v Melbourne (85)

The game got off to a fiery start when a Dockers fan showed Jake Melksham a Fremantle jumper with Luke Jackson’s number on it.

Melksham promptly grabbed it and threw it on the ground, as easily as the Dees then took care of the Dockers.

It showed that while Dockers fans were up for a fight, the players were not, as Melbourne controlled the entire game with the ease of tackling a green run at Mt Buller.

For Demons fans, it was everything they could have hoped for. The intensity was back, the whole team defence and Bailey Fritsch doing Fritsch things.

Dockers fans would be less happy, watching their retro jumper deliver a retro performance.

In hindsight, Justin Longmuir will probably regret not playing Matt Taberner and Rory Lobb, with the Dockers looking thoroughly disinterested in kicking goals.

He would also be upset that his team handles rain about as well as suede does, the material, not the 90s, UK band.

It all sets up a huge Friday night clash between Melbourne and Collingwood. I haven’t been this excited for one of those clashes since the 1960s.

Saturday

Collingwood (88) v Port Adelaide (82)

Collingwood does two things, win and rapidly age their fans.

If you were in your early 40s at the start of this season, as a Pies fan, you are now eighty.

The weekly heart check that is watching the Magpies occurs no matter who they are playing or whether they are in front or coming from behind.

Against Port, it was close again, but in terms of recent results, this didn’t feel that close.

Port’s season is now certainly over. The fans are frustrated, with a “Sack Hinkley” poster put up near the club’s headquarters, which Hinkley wasn’t thrilled with, saying it crossed the line.

Personally, I thought it wasn’t that big a deal, we’re just used to calls to sack people being written by journalists.

Plus, it’s hardly ‘dump a truckload of manure outside the club’ levels of angry.

It’s going to be awkward when the footage of David Koch putting up the sign is discovered.

Sydney (112) v Greater Western Sydney (39)

Mark McVeigh’s gave his players a massive spray on the weekend in the post-match press conference, labelling the performance embarrassing and accusing some players of ‘checking out’.

The message was ‘I’m not disappointed, I’m angry’. I’m very familiar with that tone.

It was a masterful performance that will probably ensure players leave and McVeigh won’t coach next year. To be fair, though, that was probably going to happen anyway.

As someone who unfortunately watched this game, it was obvious many of the Giants had checked out.

The Giants put in a solid opening 20 minutes, then decided that was enough and just chilled out.

The Swans decided this presented the perfect opportunity to boost their percentage and feasted like a bunch of kids at the Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat dessert bar in the 90s.

With Brisbane losing, this was a great win for the Swans, and their percentage is now significantly higher than Collingwood who sit above them.

They also get North next week, who, unlike the Giants, never checked in at all this season.

St Kilda (75) v Hawthorn (63)

Only St Kilda could win a game that puts them back in the eight and leave you with less confidence in them.

Being St Kilda, they got out to a 44-point lead and then decided that this was too relaxing for Saints fans, so they let the Hawks boot eight of the last ten goals.

If St Kilda was a friend, it would be the crazy one that made every situation much harder than it needed to be.

They’d be the friend trying to organise a lift even though they’re on the other side of the city, and when you got there, they’re not ready, then they insist on going to someone else’s house to pick up something, and you find out it’s not ‘just around the corner’ but 45 minutes away, and they’re not picking up anything urgent, just a jumper they left there six months ago, and now you’re late for your thing, and it’s an hour drive to get there, and St Kilda acts like they can’t understand why you are upset.

If Hawthorn were a friend, well, they wouldn’t be; it’s Hawthorn.

But in fairness, they never give up. They have the tenacity of a grifter trying to get into an old lady’s will.

They could have gone quietly in this one, they had nothing on the line, but they remembered they were playing the Saints and gave it a real crack.

Geelong (94) v Western Bulldogs (66)

The Bulldogs started off well, booting the first four goals, and were looking good until the third quarter, when the Cats destroyed them like a kid kicking over a sandcastle.

While the loss sees the Bulldogs drop to tenth spot, it was the ease with which the Cats, celebrating Joel Selwood’s 350th game, swept them aside that would please Cats fans.

With ten wins in a row and sitting in top spot, I’m just thrilled Selwood will finally get an opportunity to play finals again. He’s only played in 37 of them.

There were two key mistakes the Doggies made after halftime.

The first was they let the Cats score lots of goals. The second mistake was they forgot to kick goals themselves.

So infrequently did the ball visit their forward line in the second half that you could have grazed sheep in there, and the game wouldn’t have been any different. In fact, a bunch of sheep may have offered better forward targets and moved about more that the Doggies forward line.

Adelaide (84) v Carlton (55)

Carlton lost to the Crows for one reason and one reason only, they were wearing their white away jumper.

“But Carlton can lose in any jumper!” I hear you cry, and this is true, but that’s logic and how dare you try to shoehorn that into this column.

Every Blues fan knows that white jumper is a one-way ticket to a loss.

You could blame injuries, with Corey Durdin, Nic Newman and Matthew Kennedy all going off injured, but I would argue they wouldn’t have got injured if they weren’t in the white jumper.

It leaves the Blues in a position where they could possibly miss finals, although even for them, that would take some stuffing up from here.

Adelaide fans don’t have to worry about such things, they never looked like playing finals, but it’s nice to see them get a win again. Their last win was over North back in June.

Darcy Fogarty provided a lot of highlights up forward for the Crows and had Dwayne Russell describe him as ‘one of the best sharpshooters the competition has ever seen.’

That’s not like Dwayne to stray into hyperbole.

Sunday

Gold Coast (107) v West Coast (104)

The Suns finals chances are peaking out behind the clouds but only just, given they made defeating West Coast look like climbing Mt Everest when really, it’s a walk to the corner milk bar.

The Suns kept getting in front by substantial margins, only for the Eagles to come back every time, no matter how implausible it seemed. It felt like I was watching Jaws 3.

What wasn’t on display was anything resembling defending as both sides found scoring opportunities every time they went forward.

The only thing that stopped either side from scoring was usually their own mistakes, of which there were plenty.

One minute someone would be taking an amazing mark; the next would see someone miss a one-meter handball while under no pressure.

It was one of those games you’ll never think about again, unlike the next game.

Richmond (104) v Brisbane (97)

With the Lions up by 42 points during the second quarter, it seemed that Richmond fans would not have to endure another close game, and that the Lions had finally got a win at the MCG. 

A few quarters later and neither of those things were true, as Brisbane broke down like a Russian car.

The cause of that breakdown was pressure, as Richmond ramped things up to 11 and Shai Bolton and Tom Lynch got going.

It was old-school Tigers, and by old school, I mean a couple of years ago, not old-school, old-school, when Richmond lost everything.

And not old-school, old school, old-school when they won heaps of things.

Clear?

With the Tigers surging home, it seemed that the Tigers may have another crushing loss, but it was Darcy Gardiner who this time did something silly, and the Tigers sealed a famous victory.

It leaves Brisbane looking about as threatening as a boy band. When the pressure was on, it was like watching an episode of Hunted, with most of the Lions key players doing a cracking job of hiding.

Essendon (114) v North Melbourne (66)

Not sure anyone saw this. It was a game involving the Essendon Football Club and the North Melbourne Football Club.

Essendon won by quite a bit and it was boring.

The result didn’t really matter in any meaningful way.

I watched it but only because I knew I’d have to produce an insightful, detailed review of the game.

And I have, sort of.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus

My new podcast Sports Bizarre is out now: https://sportsbizarre.com/ 

 

COMMENTS

Alan

Aug 01, 2022

"They’d be the friend trying to organise a lift even though they’re on the other side of the city, and when you got there, they’re not ready, then they insist on going to someone else’s house to pick up something, and you find out it’s not ‘just around the corner’ but 45 minutes away, and they’re not picking up anything urgent, just a jumper they left there six months ago, and now you’re late for your thing, and it’s an hour drive to get there, and St Kilda acts like they can’t understand why you are upset."

Man did that bring back some (not so fond) memories :)
Gold as always Titus.

Andrew Fidler

Aug 01, 2022

Even though you are a Dees man, You sum up being a Saints supporter better than anyone. Why do we do it to ourselves…

Woody

Aug 01, 2022

Carlton went into that game with all the arrogance of John Elliott, and it showed. Blues players had simply looked at the league table, saw where Adelaide were situated and decided they could just cruise through till next week. Even Ratten, by going with Silvagni as the sub, caught the same dilligaf idea. Yet the mainstream media can only focus on one alleged comment made by some alleged person in the alleged crowd ... go figure

Total Flanker

Aug 01, 2022

Gee, grifters won't appreciate the Hawthorn comparison.

Nice gesture of Selwood to give special thanks to the umpires.

FULL MOON OVER NUNAWADING

Aug 01, 2022

///////.......the Cats destroyed them like a kid kicking over a sandcastle.\\\\\\\

I liked the way her jeans hung low
And the way that she moved her hips.
Her lips said: "No! No! No! No! No!"
But her eyes said: "Read my lips!"

This reminded me the Bulldogs should
Be made of sterner stuff.
You can't expect to make the 8
When you're just not good enough.

They last won at the Cattery
Some 19 years ago.
Selwood was still in high school then
(A sobering thought, I know).

Not the Pieman

Aug 01, 2022

11 on the trot. Is this now officially a juggernaut Titus? And, as you pointed out a while ago, no underwhelming coach or overbearing President to get in its way.

Beau of Beaumaris

Aug 01, 2022

“.. In hindsight, Justin Longmuir will probably regret not playing Matt Taberner and Rory Lobb, with the Dockers looking thoroughly disinterested in kicking goals. “
Uninterested Titus; probably not disinterested.

And as for Carlton and their white jumper - how could anyone put any heart into their song “We are the navy blues”?

SHEMP

Aug 01, 2022

BEAU OF BEAUMARIS: Uninterested Titus; probably not disinterested.

That's right. Umpires and judges are supposed to be disinterested - impartial, to put it another way.

Uninterested - can hardly hold back the yawns.

Not the Pieman

Aug 01, 2022

Recount, only 10. But still deeply disturbing.

Persia

Aug 01, 2022

It's not easy being a 120 year-old Pies supporter, I'll tell ya. Big win over Port this week, though. On course to win by double figures before the end of the season.

Running Dog

Aug 01, 2022

Judging by the rubbish left behind by climbers I reckon there IS actually a milk bar at the top of Mt Everest.

Russian cars, ey? My mate used to have a FIAT 124, the basis for the Soviet variant. It certainly caused a Lada problems.

Saint Peter

Aug 01, 2022

Titus, you are making it sound like the Saints are an inconsistent team. I will have you know this has been going for the best part of 40 years. We are as consistent as the texture of Vegemite. You may not like the taste but mum keeps giving it you on toast for breakfast & makes you eat it.

PS. Great wrap up of the Ess v Nth game. I think you hit the level of interest anyone had in the game to a tee.

The g train

Aug 01, 2022

“….but they [the Hawks] remembered they were playing the Saints and gave it a real crack.”.

With respect Titus, feel it was StK that gave it a real crack. With a very comfortable 44 point lead but with plenty of time still left on the clock, history dictated certain defeat for StK. Somehow (somehow), against all the odds, StK actually failed to lose. To be fair, none can deny they gave losing their very best shot—they “gave it a real crack”—and surely that’s all one can ask.

Geez, you gotta feel for Carlton.

Fitzy

Aug 01, 2022

Heard the delivery on the latest Lada order was 28 August 2034 and the Customer said " can you please make it another day as I have a new washing machine coming that day!!"

Merimbula Bomber

Aug 01, 2022

Essendon tried really hard to lose this game but North would not be in it.

Talk about underwhelming from both sides but in the end North still did it better.

BLUESEUM PIECE

Aug 01, 2022

"Even Ratten, by going with Silvagni as the sub, caught the same dilligaf idea."

Aha! That's the problem. Not the white jumpers, it's Brett Ratten still making the team selections from beyond the grave (ie: St Kilda).

Benno

Aug 01, 2022

Some of you best work this week Titus.

We had more fun watching the Oz kickers on friday night than the game...in fact Freo could have done worse than play some of the primary school kids second half and / or the same flock of sheep replacing the Doggies forward line on Saturday.

Freo are fantastic at distractions: the best entry to the stadium of a team, fireworks, kettle drums, rock band, every structure within cooey lit up in purple, red, green and white, then players spending all week being photographed in retro pyjama tops and the lark...seems like they forgot about the small matter of 4 vital points at stake against Jack Viney's red and blue army.

WA Bogan

Aug 01, 2022

I'm sure the Cats will recruit the 37yo Mundy now that he's said he's retiring...

Con Cushion

Aug 01, 2022

Turn it up Titus ..... so you're telling me a Saints supporter masterminds a scam like that, then grifts their way into an old lady's will? No? Oh, Bugger, I get it ... it's another of your bazaar analogies!! Con.

SHEMP

Aug 01, 2022

WOODY: Carlton went into that game with all the arrogance of John Elliott, and it showed. Blues players had simply looked at the league table, saw where Adelaide were situated and decided they could just cruise through till next week.

That's what can can happen with an affluent club that's traditionally known success for most of its 160-year history. It's spent recent years deep in the doldrums but now suddenly finds itself in the Top Eight at the business end of the season. So it gets cocky and starts to think victory will come to it as its natural right. We call that hubris.

KJ

Aug 01, 2022

"If Hawthorn were a friend, well, they wouldn’t be; it’s Hawthorn". Laugh out loud funny Titus!

The g train

Aug 01, 2022

BEAU OF BEAUMARIS: you are definitely onto something. I am also very interested in the disinterested vs uninterested debate.

According to Zen: Being dispassionate, detached and disinterested in the dream of the false self IS compassion. Compassion for the Self and for Truth is not giving fuel to that which is false (the ego-sense).

Uninterest means no interest. So the great Zen master, Ju-ching, was famous for his rare uninterest in worldly fame.

An extra layer of intrigue is that these two definitions in English actually flipped about 200 years ago. And then an extra layer of intrigue again is that Titus is a nonsensical satirical comic genius and also well versed in Zen philosophy. So we’ll never know what he really meant.

Hope this helps.

SHEMP

Aug 01, 2022

A lot/ Alot of people could care less about the uninterested vs disinterested "debate" irregardless of the fact that language is inherently unstable and in a constant state of change. So yes, maybe you're/your right.

Stay retired Bruce McAvaney

Aug 01, 2022

'They also get North next week, who, unlike the Giants, never checked in at all this season' - as a Tigers fan all I can say is "if only". Our last three games are all against teams below us on the ladder, and we are currently 9th. I wouldn't rule out 0-3. I did enjoy this comeback though.

Kangas

Aug 02, 2022

People were very interested in the ESS v NM game. Rusted on Roo members like myself. We aren't like those Melbourne types who spend the winter at Falls Creek. Oh how they must be torn, skiing and bottles of red at the snow, or a cheese platter at the football.
Life must be tough eh, Titus.

Terry

Aug 02, 2022

SHEMP: "irregardless" is not a word!

SHEMP

Aug 02, 2022

TERRY: My point exactly. Just as "could care less" is a commonly used but nonsensical expression. And "alot" instead of "a lot" is wrong as well as "your" instead of "you're". You'll notice a pattern emerging here.

Darren J Ray

Aug 02, 2022

Plenty of laughs.

Yep, that’s a Saints supporter’s life.

David Koch! LOL.

Terry

Aug 02, 2022

SHEMP: I think I may have found someone who is painfully pedantic as I am alleged to be. Looking forward to engaging with you.
Irregards.
Terry

SHEMP

Aug 02, 2022

TERRY: You'll probaby find I tend to be a bit tedious. Basically a disinteresting person.

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