Aug 30, 2021


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Finals Week One


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.


Port Adelaide (86) v Geelong (43)

Geelong proved on Friday that Port can beat the top sides.

Cats fans watched on in horror as their team once again showed they prefer to go the long way round in finals.

Absolutely nothing went right for them, a combination of the Power’s relentless pressure and the Cats making poorer choices than a bunch of drunk jockeys at an Airbnb.

The first half saw Geelong decide their best target up forward was Aliir Aliir, kicking it to him so regularly it had to be a conscious decision.

Aliir Aliir was so good he’s the only person in Australia I trust to stop the Delta strain. Forget flattening the curve, he would crush it.

As the Power midfield got on top, Geelong was distracted from the task at hand by having to launch a search party for Gary Rohan, who had gone missing. Unfortunately, while looking for him, many members of the search party also went missing.

It was with some relief they found him in the second half, he was in defence because that’s why you get Gary Rohan, for his defence.

For the Power, they had Orazio Fantasia running amok up forward, and Ollie Wines showing the Geelong midfield the respect John Coates shows to a state premier.

Geelong looked tired and slow, while Port looked like a team that can not only beat a top team but could beat all of them.


Sydney (73) v Greater Western Sydney (74)

Certainly, the most exciting game of the weekend, and I hope you’re sitting down, Toby Greene got in trouble.

It’s easy to pick the Giants best in this one, the Sydney forward line, who missed shot after shot in the final quarter, seemingly in an attempt to sneak up on the Giants through points.

It almost worked, but it would have been a hell of a lot easier just to do it through goals.

The poor goal kicking will haunt Swans supporters this offseason, but it’s not the end of the world, the Swans have unearthed enough young talent to be excited about the future.

As for the Giants, they got lucky in this one, but they unearthed some new talent in the form of Tim Toronto (that’s what BT called him so I assume it’s a new player).

Remember when getting players names right was a basic requirement of commentating?

Aren’t we fortunate that correct names have been replaced by annoying theatrics, blokey mateship and talking over Daisy Pearce because she’s making too much sense and making everyone else look bad?

The Giants will be hoping their luck holds as Toby Greene heads off to the tribunal for bumping an umpire.

It was 100 per cent on purpose, yet a lot of people seem to have decided defending Toby Greene is the hill they’re going to die on.

That seems strange given the rather extraordinary, sustained effort Greene has put in to prove beyond doubt he is a goose.

Still, in a world where people are taking horse worming medicine, it’s hardly surprising that people have decided to just believe Greene is somehow hard done by.

Melbourne (93) v Brisbane (60)

There were times in this game when I was confident Melbourne could beat Brisbane, but I wasn’t confident they could beat Charlie Cameron.

Cameron’s five goals and Melbourne’s inaccurate kicking kept this closer on the scoreboard than it really was.

Not that I didn’t have a fairly major panic in the third quarter when Melbourne stopped scoring, and the Lions began coming back.

The difference though from every other year of my life, is Melbourne’s defence, an entire team effort and a thing of beauty.

It handled everything except Cameron and Lachie Neale, who had 46-disposal and 13-clearances.

Unfortunately, when Neale looked around for support, he found only Melbourne players, like Clayton Oliver, who plays the game like a red-headed T-1000 from Terminator 2.

He just never stops.

Brisbane just had too many players who didn’t handle the pressure, while Melbourne did.

Life is already confusing enough these days, but Dees fans now need to deal with the idea their team are premiership favourites.

I need to lie down; I’m not built for this much excitement.


Western Bulldogs (85) v Essendon (36)

The Bulldogs managed to end their three-game losing streak, while the Bombers managed to continue their 6,203-day streak since they last won a final.

I blame Essendon’s strategy. For some reason, they decided to not score any goals in the second half and let the Dogs boot 11 of the last 12 goals.

While the Bombers couldn’t kick goals at all after halftime, the umpires were functioning beautifully up forward for the Doggies, booting five.

Ben Rutten said after the game it wasn’t the umpires that cost them the game. With an attitude like that, I’m not sure why he’s at Essendon.

The game itself was not that entertaining, but Twitter afterwards was a lot of fun.

You had Bombers fans going spare about the umpires (with some reason), opposition fans celebrating Essendon losing a final and the streak still being alive, and then some truly spectacular debates between the two groups.

This being social media, the entire debate was done in the spirit of goodwill towards all, with constructive arguments being made and everyone respecting the fact that Bombers fans were feeling a bit low and doing everything to cheer them up.

It was a beautiful moment and showed civility is very much still alive.  

For the Bulldogs, they have got their season back on track, and now they only must fly from Tasmania to Brisbane, and if they win up there, to Perth.

When most of us are locked in our houses, the Doggies have the complete opposite problem.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here:




Mixed Nuts (May Contain Nuts)

Aug 30, 2021

The Bulldogs managed to end their three-game losing streak, while the Bulldogs managed to continue their 6,203-day streak since they last won a final.

That one kind of slipped through the proofreading process, right?

Susan capes

Aug 30, 2021

love your work Titus. reckon it's the dees flag this year. I was at the g in 1964 aged 12 when the dees won the grand final .
didn't think I would be nearing 70 b4 the dees won another flag .


Aug 30, 2021

Just a typo at the start of the wrap up of the bulldogs game. You have written “ the Bulldogs managed to continue their 6,203-day streak since they last won a final. LOL


Aug 30, 2021

Is there any truth in the rumour that Footscray will change their theme tune to "Jingle Bells" given the sleigh ride that they've been getting from the umpires since they were "discovered" in 2016?
The entire 2016 final series was an embarrassment and it looks like the umpires are honing their skills for a repeat.


Aug 30, 2021

The whole summation of the Geelong vs Port game is one of your finest and funniest, I laughed ‘til I cried. The bit about Gary Rohan should win you a Pulitzer……


Aug 30, 2021

"Still, in a world where people are taking horse worming medicine, it’s hardly surprising that people have decided to just believe Greene is somehow hard done by." Heard someone on ABC talkback yesterday staunchly saying he didn't actually bump into the umpire it was the player in front of him, and this was their firm belief after replaying the incident dozens of times. We do live in strange times. Excellent work as always Titus.

Andrew Taylor

Aug 30, 2021

BT did say, "Cumming really swallowed all of that one didn't he?" and got away with on national TV. Bringing Benny Hill style humour back to footy - tick

Tony Robb

Aug 30, 2021

Is there any better supporter group than Essendon for over egging the ironic cheer when they're' awarded a free kick.


Aug 30, 2021

The bitterest irony of all for us devastated Swans fans is that all season, for the first time in memory, our kicking has been SO BLOODY GOOD.

After years of following a team that seemed to think kicking a ball to a teammate's chest was for showoffs thanks very much; we'll just grind our opponents down, we've spent this season saying "OMG, we can ACTUALLY. DO. what all those other teams do."

Anyway, our season exceeded all expectations so can't complain.


Aug 30, 2021

My wife says it’s magical thinking but I KNOW that whoever I support while watching a game on TV will lose. How much to not support the Dees in a Granny?

Across the Face

Aug 30, 2021


Next they'll be claiming the umpire deliberately bumped into Greene.


Aug 30, 2021

Where is the LIKE button Titus?
STRENGTH THROUGH IGNORANCE's comment is spot on. Bombers second half was useless but to watch those Footscray rats again get an armchair ride from the umpires is just frustrating.
When the hell are the AFL going to do something about it?


Aug 30, 2021

The Daisy Pearce call is spot on. She’s showing the berks up.


Aug 30, 2021

Dees starting to look formidable Titus! yes definitely a time for a lie down!!! How are you going to escape lockdown and revisit the scene of the 2018 demolition at Optus stadium! No as Simon says a much different side in 2021. Let’s see if you Demons continue to March onwards Go the Dees!!!!

The g train

Aug 30, 2021

Why is everyone here so harsh on BT? He was savagely criticised for saying on the weekend: “Buddy only has 995 goals to go”. He was, of course, referring to Buddy only having 995 goals to go to reach 1990. Which is *exactly* what I was thinking at the time, Easy up on the man.

Toby Greene IS hard done by.


Aug 30, 2021

For the record, the Swans went 51 years (1945-1996) between winning finals. I sincerely hope Essendon gives that record a real shake.

Darren J Ray

Aug 30, 2021

Love your work, Titus. Good luck for your Dees.


Aug 30, 2021

Titus - that was a very apt comparison of Ollie Wines to J Coates. We all know how Coates hates Melbourne & Wines is already geared up to beating Melbourne in 4 weeks (Covid permitting). That's something for you to contemplate as you lie down in your excitement!

Tarax Club

Aug 30, 2021

From their humble western suburbs origins to now the only traveling, performing circus in the land. Of course they've got the dog act, but bulldogs are somehow not as cute and cuddly as other breeds. High flying acrobrats, including the forward tandem act of Naughton and Weightman. Who said outer space was the only empty vacuum? Tom Liberatore leads a troop of sleight of hand horizontal jugglers. From their triumphal late matinee provincial debut in Launceston, to the next stop on the circuit at Brisvegas. Where ring master Luke Beveridge who doubles as "Bubbles" the clown will put his head into a lion's mouth. Of course he will be hopeful that lion taming will be added in time for Saturday night's performance. The 'Bont' meanwhile will be wanting to maintain momentum. But the question remains, who now has the cannon? The journey thus far has not been without controversy, disappointingly for the umpiring fraternity, their audition for the big top was a flop, with a definite thumbs down from bomber fans.


Aug 30, 2021

If you slow-mo the Toby vision apparently he did not hit Matt Stevic all that hard.

Mind you, if you slow-mo the vision from Dallas 1963 it turns out President Kennedy survived with just a migraine, so that's nice.

Jim Tilbrook's cheque

Aug 30, 2021

Yes, the Bombers got the rough end of the pineapple from the umpires, but not rough enough in my view. They have a long way to go to atone for their historical arrogance in this field of endeavour.

There has been talk of late about the famous Norm Smith curse. I would like to think that Essedon is afflicted by the Scott McLaren/James Hird curse of 2004 and hope that it lasts a long long time.


Aug 30, 2021

Thanks for the belly laughs, Titus. You are a shining light in this strange world. I have Demon decorated my house in the heart of Tigertown. No bricks through the window yet.


Aug 30, 2021

It's safe to remain standing for this Melbourne team, Titus. Eight quarters of football to go, I doubt I'll be sitting still for more than a few minutes during that time. #godees #nervousbutbullish

Running Dog

Aug 30, 2021

I reckon the umpires gave us 8 goals. (Because, obviously, when a player gets a dubious free kick within range of goal, they NEVER miss). So anyway, that's 48 points, and with the margin being 49, it means we won by a point. Essendon supporters might like to ponder their preferred losing margin. Yep, maths is more interesting than you think.

William Anderson

Aug 30, 2021

Last Swans flag was 1933 and they haven't won an AFL unassisted flag since.

Go Goggies

Aug 30, 2021

The umpiring was definitely one sided on the weekend. Essendon were given 1 million times the the number of 50m penalties the Dogs got, plus two.


Aug 30, 2021

As a WA resident with a tiny bit of bias against all Victorian teams I will, however, pay to watch Melbourne play whoever in the GF, so that I don’t have to listen to BT and the other VFL commentators verbalise their limitations. Bring back Dennis, please!

Jacqui Parry

Aug 30, 2021

You’ve still got time to paint the roof Jane ❤️💙 those lovely people at Haymes Paints will mix you up a couple of tins of MFC Red and MFC Blue in the wink of an eye!! ❤️💙

Got some this afternoon and getting ready to paint the farm gateposts- cursing the lockdown’cos I really wanted to tackle the old Clarence River Bridge. Hoping someone up there in Grafton has a bunch of mates and some time on their hands!!!

Go The Mighty Dees!!

Bluesman macca

Aug 30, 2021

Loved the Ben Rutten 'not the umpires fault' line.
Had a Teams meeting this morning (yeah, vomit), but anyway the only reason I bothered was to wind up the resident Bombers supporter.

Roger Ramjet

Aug 30, 2021

Just curious if you think the Taliban would have some solid COVID-19 protocols in place?

Mac Hawk

Aug 30, 2021

Just to ler you know, Titus, Ivermectin has been approved for human use um the treatment of scabies for 30 years and as a successfull treatment of covid has been found to be over 80% successfull in treating and preventing covid by a peer reviewed meta analysis , undetaken by Dr. Tess Lawrie. I know that cultish lefties like yourself have adopted it as an example of evil right wing thinking, however this non cultish leftie has not.
Btw, Toby Greene only brushed by the umpire, he didn't bump him.


Aug 30, 2021

Was BT igniting his farts down Gippsland way, he is a plumber and has a gas fitting licence.


Aug 30, 2021

Big fella I have been telling you THIS DEMON team is different to teams of the past. They are enjoying the ride as all demon supporters are. After sitting hands clasped saying please kick it max to this week being able to enjoy the end except for having answer texts from my lion daughter I am very nervous about who we play in a fortnight. Before the lions game I posted that I was as nervous as a fat bloke at a 15.00 buffet but I got over that pretty quickly. Hop on board and ENJOY this ride we are on. GO DEES.


Aug 30, 2021

I like the little factoid that Essendon has had only one successful finals coach since man first walked on the moon.

So, are you saying 'brushing' umpires is OK? I guess it was to help Stevic remove some grass from his shirt.

Daniel B

Aug 31, 2021

Still rolling on the floor after this gold:

"Ben Rutten said after the game it wasn’t the umpires that cost them the game. With an attitude like that, I’m not sure why he’s at Essendon."


Aug 31, 2021

VINNIE - Best comment ever!!

JANE - I’m in Geelong with flags & scarves out! Waiting for the eggs, bricks etc 😱


Sep 01, 2021

Get your hand off it, Mac - it's a satirical footy site.
Personally, I would've given Greene 8 weeks - 4 for the offense and 4 for being Toby.

Frosty the Magpie

Sep 02, 2021

SANTA - I disagree re Daisy Pearce - she speaks more football sense than most of the galahs around her.
Re 1964, I saw a comment under Titus Finals predictions last Friday from Michael Clareborough and another above from Susan Coles, both saying they were 11 when the Demons last won a flag. So was I, but I wasn't at the ground - I was in the Repat Hospital at Heidelberg, getting stitches after falling down some steps at home.
That's three of us now aged 68 - just wondering how widely this reflects the demographic of those who read Titus.
Finally, to Michael Clareborough - do you have a sister named Judy, who went to Mandeville Hall in Toorak?

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