Sep 13, 2021


The Monday Knee Jerk Reaction: Preliminary Finals


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You’ve come to the right place.


Melbourne (125) v Geelong (42)

What an exciting weekend of training drills!

The Preliminary Finals, normally some of the most exciting games of the season, were all over by halftime as Port and Geelong forgot the games were on.

Perhaps next year they get them to set alarms on the phones before finals.

For Demons fans, the least stressful game of the year happened to be a Preliminary Final, as Melbourne made the Cats look like the Washington Generals.

Everything came off for the Demons, Max Gawn kicked five, James Harmes took a hanger and Steven May wasn’t troubled down back despite having a tight hamstring.

A couple of Geelong goals before halftime had Melbourne fans thoughtful, but the third quarter saw Melbourne provide more highlights in a single quarter than the rest of my Melbourne supporting life put together.

Max Gawn looks like a Viking, and he treated Geelong like it was a small medieval monastery on the coast of England.

Geelong once again failed in the Finals, struck down by that pesky virus that hits them every September.

Cats fans watched on in horror as Gary Rohan was once again more lost than Amelia Earhart and big money recruit Jeremy Cameron finished with just four disposals.

Key to it all is the fact that Geelong are just too slow. The Demons spread from every contest like Delta, on the flip side, every time a Cat got the ball they were under pressure.

This pressure showed when Joe Selwood complained about a fifty-metre penalty given against him, which was like watching an arsonist complaining that they got burnt.

The win made Melbourne the clear favourites for the Premiership until the Bulldogs played.


Port Adelaide (45) v Western Bulldogs (116)

While Geelong’s capitulation wasn’t a complete surprise, an aging team, no week off, Chris Scott’s involvement, the Power’s complete surrender was.

Port had a week off, were at home, the Dogs had travelled a lot and didn’t get to train on Adelaide Oval.

Which made Port’s gesture to act as witches hats a noble gesture but an odd one.

While the Melbourne-Geelong game at least begun with something of a contest, the Power didn’t even offer one, with players strolling around like they were on a sightseeing holiday.

The Bulldogs, on the other hand, weren’t mucking around, putting five goals on the board before the Power even knew what was going on.

Port had no answers, and I’ve seen Jellyfish with more structure.

Marcus Bontempelli’s knee injury seemed like a myth, and even if he hadn’t played, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Ollie Wines was one of the very few Port players that realised a Preliminary Final was going on around him, but many of his teammates seemed perplexed at what he was doing with all that trying stuff.

As for Bulldogs fans, they couldn’t be more thrilled, the spirit in this team is sensational, they will never die wondering.

It sets up yet another Demons v Bulldogs Grand Final.

I was at the last Grand Final these two played, it was during week one of Melbourne’s first lockdown.

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here:



Ken Cooper

Sep 13, 2021

I hope we have the same good humour after we win the GF. I like to think it would make up for (a bit of) the heartache we’ve suffered. Now that I have rented out my ski chalet things couldn’t be better!


Sep 13, 2021

Does Perth Stadium have cheese platters? Asking for a friend ;-)


Sep 13, 2021

It's Official!
Free Kick Foostscray's anthem/team song will be Jingle Bells.

Gillian (McKinsey) McLachlan said that the joint effort between Taco Bell & the sleigh ride in free kicks from the umpires makes this new song the logical choice.

It's been some time in the making, but the work amongst the 21 individuals on the paddock at any one time has been a joy to behold, particularly when the Dogs are under pressure. They've shown real character in going to a new level and finding free kicks when you thought that there was absolutely nothing there.

Bring on the Grand Final! The umpires made the difference for Free Kick Footscray last time, so there's no reason that they won't be able to do it again.

Heath gustafsson

Sep 13, 2021

I am a port supporter....I was at the game with half capacity so was the side. Sad day

The g train

Sep 13, 2021

They keep saying Geelong is too old. But they keep making Prelim Finals. They must be doing something right, but not quite right enough. Maybe they do need to cull the old timers. Unfortunately, that means Gary Ablett JNR has to move on. He’s had a very quiet and ineffectual season by his usual standard. I hate to say it, but on Friday night he did absolutely nothing.

“…Port’s gesture to act as witches hats [was] a noble gesture. What it really noble, Titus?

Atrocious Conditions

Sep 13, 2021

The two best things to emerge from this weekend were:

That was the last we'll get to see this year of Thump Hawkins and Joel Bravewood;


The alleged blatant, across-the board pro-Victorian bias of the umpires that we've been reading about on this website all season will mean that in the Grand Final the umpires will have to blatantly favour both teams.


Sep 13, 2021

I can't be there but I'll look the part. Twiggy has promised me some RM's will arrive before the 25th.
It's been MY WHOLE LIFE, no pressure Maxy


Sep 13, 2021

So many grand finals between these two sides - one in fact 1954 and the doggies did the dirty deed. I remember because I just had my tonsils out and I was able to eat ice cream while listening on the radio. Things improved a bit for Melbourne after that.
67 years on and I hope it is the opposite result but the same margin.


Sep 13, 2021

All the people who said "Go Cats!" forgot to tell them where to go.

Doggy Dancer

Sep 13, 2021

It is so wonderful to taste the salty tears the Sydney whingers club as still shedding.


Sep 13, 2021

I can’t wait for Bevo’s plea to AFL to make the umpires aware of the miscarriage of justice in the prelim against Port. 22 frees against and 16 for. We’re the umpires not aware of the script? Maybe they were dazed and confused by the slaughter they were witnessing. I’m expecting the status quo to be restored come GF night.
Throwing thinly veiled as hand ball will again be allowed and encouraged. And holding the ball will require 3 rotations and 4 prior opportunities. Hope the men fluoro green are aware the flimsy laws of the game apply to both teams.
Good luck to both teams and the umpires. Good luck Titus writing on Monday morning if your Dees get up.
Keep up the great work.

Vic Parkes

Sep 13, 2021

Um, the free kick count was 22 Port, 16 Bulldogs. That meant that over 10 percent of Port’s kicks were via the umps, Bullies 5 percent. Doesn’t look like they did too badly from the men in yellow and the home crowd noise.


Sep 13, 2021

As a Crows supporter, I'm so angry at Port. How can you gloat about them losing when they didn't even play??

Have another

Sep 13, 2021

Titus, good sir, you were clearly drunk while typing this.
Do not correct anything. It is a perfect representation of the moment for Demon fans.
It took me 24hrs to put any thoughts into a complete sentence and then they all came at once like a backed-up printer.

Sheldon Wiebe

Sep 13, 2021

As a Canucklehead with a distinct Hawthorn bias, I was pleased with the Dees' efforts (wondering why, though, during Mad Max's third term explosion, there wasn't a chyron reading 'Going... going... GAWN!' I mean, we got This. Is. Spargo...).

Biggest difference between Cats and Lions? The Lions put up a fight! (Pardon my sarcastic snicker...)

It's also rare to see a ship sink in port.

I'm afraid I'm now barracking for the Doggies, though I think it's going to be Melbourne's turn to hoist the premiership cup.

Should be one helluva game.

Looking forward to your reaction (as usual).


Sep 13, 2021

PURPLEWILLOW17: "I can’t wait for Bevo’s plea to AFL to make the umpires aware of the miscarriage of justice in the prelim against Port. 22 frees against and 16 for. We’re [sic] the umpires not aware of the script?"

If the script was meant to include PA usually being out-thought by the opposition and being second to the ball, being slow, uncoordinated and kicking inaccurately, then it's reasonable to assume that the umpires, like everyone else who witnessed the carnage, was aware of it.


Sep 13, 2021

To my dear friend ‘Strength Through Stupidity’…oops, … sorry that should read ‘Ignorance’.

The majority of free kicks the Dogs receive are because they are in front and first in at the ball. It’s hard to earn a free kick (especially head high) if you’re behind your opponent. If you are behind you can get a free for a good tackle but it still means you are second to the contest.

The Dogs are rarely second to the contest.

In the Preliminary the free kick stats were Port - 22 Dogs - 16 (how do you explain this? 25% more frees to Port. Insignificant really cause we pumped them). Against the Lions 19 - Dogs 28 all earned if you watch that game and the majority were because Dogs were first to the ball. Verses Bomres 14 - Dogs 22 (insignificant given the score)

The bottom line in footy has always been - get in first, win the ball or win the free kick.

Suck it up sunshine.


Sep 13, 2021

On the plus side,the VFL got an all Victorian GF.

Fat Side

Sep 13, 2021

After watching Big Maxie's performance on Friday night, Mrs Fat Side has thrown out my beer and wine and stocked the fridge with pickle juice!

Running Dog

Sep 13, 2021

Five years ago the Bulldogs were Cinderella. Now we're cast as the villain intent on shooting Bambi, lower than our besties, the umpires. I don't like the opprobrium much, but at least one consolation is that, as a member with access to tickets, I suddenly have more friends than I ever imagined.

I wouldn't begrudge Melbourne supporters enjoying a drought-breaking win, but I'm hoping it will be the deja vu of 1954 all over again. I'd be genuinely disheartened for Demons supporters if they fall short... but some damn fool let the Dogs out.


Sep 13, 2021

@PK - easy to tell your team if you think that the Dogs vs Lions free kicks were "all earned" (not even close), or if you think that dogs getting >50% more frees vs the bombers is "insignificant". Dogs have received >20% more frees than they've conceded this year. That's simply ridiculous.


Sep 13, 2021


You probably haven't heard of Nathan Bedford Forrest. He was a Confederate general in the American Civil War. Almost illiterate, he rose from the rank of private to become one of the Confederacy's most successful generals. He was a brilliant natural tactician. After the war a journalist asked Forrest what was the secret of his success in all those battles. His answer was, "Get there firstest with the mostest men!"

Take Round 9 (15 May this year). Port Adelaide vs Western Bulldogs. PA had 25 free kicks, the Dogs got 23. The Dogs won the game, getting 44 more disposals than Port. They kept getting firstest to the ball and had the mostest men to receive the ball. That's what it's all about.

Across the Face

Sep 13, 2021

@MARTY: If you keep thinking like that you'll go blind.


Sep 13, 2021

JOE it.


Sep 13, 2021

Big fella I thought I was watching the mighty DEES in a twilight zone. I mean how can they change the boo factory that is Perth stadium into a sort of normal football oval ? I mean I had never heard a SEEMINGLY natural football crowd noise but then remembered that the West coast sparrows fans were not allowed to attend. This ride us DEES fans are on has been a beauty and we only have one BIG game left to take the choccies . GO DEES. I am not too nervous yet but I think by next week I might be as nervous as a EUNICH at an all in orgy. ( I was confident we had the powers measure but these dogs will be harder to crack ) GO YOU MIGHTY DEMONS.


Sep 13, 2021


I forget my nickname

Sep 13, 2021

I thought that Boak gave it a red hot go as well. I seem to remember him looking around after being tackled like 'where is the rest of my team?'

The Bulldog is the most overated dog of all time. If The western species play home finals they struggle to win. They only seem to be good when they are away from home as an underdog. And like the Bulldog dog, they are short lived and suffer injuries easily.

Free Kicks?

Sep 13, 2021

Round 19. Melbourne vs Western Bulldogs.
Kicks: Melbourne 221. Western Bulldogs 221.
Handballs: Melbourne 149. Western Bulldogs 144.
Tackles: Melbourne 77. Western Bulldogs 76.
Free kicks: Western Bulldogs 25. Melbourne 11.
I'm not so sure about this first to the ball gets the free kick theory. Maybe it's height? But no! Caleb Daniel received 3 free's, as did Tim English. Hmmm.


Sep 13, 2021

Melbourne members can go Skiing and watch the GF on the same weekend
That would never happen if the GF was at the G!

It was loud

Sep 13, 2021

The chant of G A W N Y around Optus stadium in the 3rd quarter would have put Manchester United fans to shame
It is a shame the broadcast didn’t pick it up


Sep 13, 2021


Sep 13, 2021

MARTY SEP 13, 2021

Richmond has had the worst differential in free kicks for 5 years. Good teams ignore it and just beat their opponents.


Sep 13, 2021

To be forever known as the Lindisfarne Cats.


Sep 13, 2021

BLOKE FROM THE OUTER: Richmond has had the worst differential in free kicks for 5 years. Good teams ignore it and just beat their opponents.

That was a noble attempt at injecting some realism into the discourse, but some guys are just doomed to remain permanently lost in Conspiracyland, having used their only map for toilet paper.


Sep 13, 2021

"Max is just a Viking
He is very handy with a ball
He loves nothing better
Than to butt and crash right through a horde
Domination, jubilation
Bulging muscles, in a tussle
This Viking loves to fight and play
Fighting berserk warrior hey hey"
May the Dees play like berserk warriors so that we can go Mental as Anything when we win!

Saint Peter

Sep 13, 2021

As Scotty always says " We're going no where mighty fast". He also says, "We need more power". He has come to realise, "A chimpanzee and 2 trainees could run the team." And finally he said at his press conference, "Laddie, you're speaking to the only guy in a blue & white shirt who isn't dead."

However there is hope that in the trade period young fresh players such as Nathan Vardy, Tom Lynch and Eddie Betts will agree to terms to top up the list ready for another crack.

Go Doggies

Sep 13, 2021

TO all the people whinging about the umps favoring the Dogs, the free kick differential is so high because the Dogs have conceded the least amount of free, NOT because we have received the most. This has been the case since Bevo took over. As a player Bevo also gave away very few frees, never more than a handful in a season. Therefore I propose two possible theories. 1. Bevo has been blackmailing the umpiring department for the last 25+ years. OR 2. Bevo never liked giving away frees and coaches his players not to either. You're right though...It's probably the first option.


Sep 13, 2021

Guyfox, yes indeed there are cheese platters-gourmet food section, level 2 north centre side. And, I must admit at half time I was tempted to indulge in a little champers and a spot of cheese but settled on the large gourmet chips and gravy to share.
Interestingly, I did take the wife, who did suggest that she would prefer skiing. I did reminded her that we cannot go there and they cannot come here.
Nonetheless , she was very complementary of Max, his teams performance and the fact that we could purchase a cheese platter. She pretty much left the game with a crush on Max.
Interestingly, she did question why the teams changed ends each quarter, which confirmed to me she has attention for detail and this maybe the game for her.
she raised no questions or made any comment about any decision made. Apparently, all appeared obvious. She did like fact that the ball must be fully over the line to be out but would prefer the opposing team to automatically kick the ball in when taken out of play. She felt the thrown- in slowed the game down and led to unnecessary congestion. I did suggest that such a change would mean the end of Max at which her eyes became a little misty. She asked if Max skied.
Anyway, for better or worse, we will soldier on and hope to attend an afternoon home grand final that promises plenty.

May the better team win.

Darren J Ray

Sep 13, 2021

Congratulations, Titus. Hope the Redlegs can do it.

Bit disappointing to read the conspiracy dude bleating on about the Bulldogs and umpires. Poor sportsmanship on his part.

‘Chris Scott’s involvement’ 😂

My Brownlow tip: lots of Gil calling out, “Melbourne C” and then an interminable pause. Channel 7 will have to factor an extra 20 minutes onto the telecast just to cover it.


Sep 14, 2021

Who'd have thought kicking the footy to your own forwards instead of Aliir Aliir would be a winning strategy?


Sep 14, 2021

Gawd, I get sick of people whinging about free kick counts and umpiring conspiracies.
If I want to read that crap I'll go over to Dockerland.
Which is why I don't.


Sep 15, 2021

Give back the bait when you've finished with it

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way
Brisbane earned a reversal of a free kick in the closing minutes when they were threatening + Free Kick Footscray won by a point. Well earned.

Saint Peter

Sep 16, 2021

Titus, as you are very close with all the clubs, can you recommend to your good mate Luke @ Carlton that one option he hasn't tried yet to secure a coach, is using You never know what you may get.

Acid Raisons

Sep 16, 2021

Given the hyperbole blowing west across the Nullarbor it might appear the doggies have this all in the bag. Momentum is fraught with delusion, here today Gawn tomorrow. Bully supporters will need to pack pooper-snoopers prior to arrival in order to clean up the mess. Max’s mob to up the heat and insert the thermometer where it fits.