Great work as usual Titus. "like a Very Fast Train proposal, it never really got off the ground". Now there's a mixed metaphor!
As to nightclub bouncers my mate and I got asked for ID recently. When we jokingly showed him some he told us to piss off as we were to effing old.
That bouncer would have knocked Dangerfield back.

Great stuff. "...exploring for oil" hahaha. I think you were soft on the Hawks. Surely there was a joke about the Dylan Moore, Ginnivan, Watson ducking behaviour that should have seen them sent to the (should be introduced) sin bin. Anyway, at least Sicily wasn't openly assaulting his teammates this week.
I thought removing glasses, headbands etc was a free kick against? It's a bad look ...and so is someone removing them.

But the real gold I wished you had touched on is the farcical Brownlow. Rd 20, Wanganeen-Milera 34 possessions, 4 goals (2 of them match-winning) ...2 votes!! The laughter and shock in the room said it all. Umpires are too busy subjectively interpreting the stupid rules to vote ...oh, and they aren't now allowed to use stat's sheets 'cause of some dodgy betting scandal behaviour. Coaches/players MVP award anyone?!

Great stuff Titus. Welcome your considered analysis of the Brownlow next year too - some might say the umps got it right (Rowell) and wrong (Rd 20 Nasiah) there too.

Let’s hope Danger gives Cam ‘Mr Smug’ Rayner and his mates a beating on Saturday

Well, the umpiring debacle of this season is now nearly over, but I'm sure they can balls it up one more time in the GF. The question now is whether Geelong turn up in the first quarter or they let the Artful Codger's gang of thugs get a huge lead by quarter time.

"Umpires, you're blind, you know nothing about the game, you've probably never played football or any sport, you're swayed by the home crowd and it's as if the four of you are at different games with differing rules.... oh, and by the way, who do think were the three best players?"

Please Titus.... there is only 1 Wizard or The Wizz - our Jeff Farmer.... this little Hawks upstart is nowhere near the supremacy of our WIZZ and certainly does not deserve the title. My opinion only!!

@ Fatside. 3 votes Daicos (not sure which one is which?), 2 votes Cripps & the 1 vote to Rowell. Who the hell is Rowell?

If the conspiracy that goes all the way to the top exists, long may it continue.

‘… one of the great finals’ marks.’ One of the great final’s marks implies that Saturday’s PF was the greatest final, or perhaps that the mark was somehow the greatest of whatever final was the greatest, which is impossible. The grammar is as loose, confused, and unconvincing as Collingwood’s performance in the 2nd half of last Saturday’s match. Pity the poor reader …

Titus,
Are you a secret resident of the NSW Central Coast ?
Every election, even local council, for the past 30 years politicians have been banging on about bout a VFT Link between the Central Coast and Sydney.
Many of us play "Very Fast Train" lotto to see which candidate or party will announce the next study or roll out for this unicorn.
I believe in Hobart, they play Unicorn Stadium, instead.

Verna Wellington.
I'm a NSW footy heathen, who is a Giants Member, and I know who Jeff Farmer is and why he was true Wizard on the field.
I totally agree with your comment.
The best comment regarding the pretender to the that name was mid-season when he dutifully dived for a free and appealed to the nearest umpire.
The Umpire looked at him and replied; "You don't get a free kick for flopping on your Arse".

Now Titus, with your team not in the finals race and only two games to critique from the weekend, surely you could have spent some time and effort forensically investigating the woeful (penultimate) crescendo to the umpires disastrous season of 2025 (who would have thought they could get any worse after last years ridiculous runaway Brownlow victory). Rowell polling three best on grounds in games the coaches didn't even mention him in their best 5! Wanganeen-Milera given two votes in what was single handedly the best slaying of an opposition team ever witnessed (even though it WAS only Melbourne)...WTF? Not only are they failing miserably in 100 minutes of work time, they can't even get it right after the game where there is no crowd interference at all...or are the compliments of the supporters still ringing in their ears for some time after the final siren?

Dare we say it the “Collywobbles” has flickered back to life on the big screen. Yes there’s been a realignment of good v evil in footy Valhalla. Even the AFL got on board. Starcevich was obviously channeling Gus when he cleaned up Beagle Boy #5. Yes football actions do have karma consequences.

Love the Ronin analogy. Danger as De Niro is spot on and Bean equivalent to a few choice tospots at the Hawks! Rowell deserved the Gong last night. Still would have won if umpires did not include the dud games.

"... the umpires decided, in a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top, that Collingwood would not be winning."

Aha! Lightbulb moment! So *that's* what happened!

RENAME THE HAWKS

Being a Collingwood supporter, I was very disappointed on Saturday night. Unfortunately, we just weren’t good enough on the night.

We will never know if the non-payment of the free kick to Elliott would have given us momentum and taken it away from Brisbane. Probably not. We just weren’t our usual selves.

But on to the great news from the weekend.

The Hawks are out of the finals!

While I do my best to avoid watching a Hawthorn game unless I must, on Friday night, I wanted to watch to see what Collingwood might be up against, should we make it to the Grand Final.

I had to turn it off at quarter time. Fair dinkum, I think the Hawks should be
re-named ‘The Ducks’. Every time someone touched them, they would drop down and duck their head to get a free kick. Just because Selwood got away with it for years doesn’t make it right. They have obviously been taking lessons from that ungrateful, low-life traitor Ginnivan, who walked out on the club weeks after obtaining a Premiership Medal.

I was hoping the Pies would win the Grand Final so I could really stick it up him!
But it was not to be. So, Ginni GF, and I don’t mean ‘Grand Final’!

And while you’re at it, GO DUCK YOURSELF!

Agree with everything you wrote, Titus. Except for the brutal quip about the umpires

I did some extensive research on this—and found out, surprisingly, that only the AFL umpires are extensively trained in umpiring. And even if they did get it wrong (which they didn’t), then it was still the right call. Even if it wasn’t. And even if it wasn’t, which is wasn’t, a sporting response is to accept the umpires decision gracefully. Like the Adelaide footy club and the English cricket team always do.

Umpiring is a tough gig. That’s why there’s so many more Australians playing footy than umpiring it.

Yeah, let that sink in.

Excellent PFs summary, Titus. Your paraphrasing of Collingwood Coach McRae, regarding the Elliot non-free kick, was as brutal as it gets.

AFL finals are no country for old men. e.g. Scott Pendlebury. Dangerfield is the magnificent beyond imagination exception.

Great also that you recognise there are halves within halves, and halves within quarters. And sometimes there are thirds within halves within halves. Collingwood just ran out of gas in the last third of the second half of the second half. Nothing to do with the non-free to Elliot.

Yes @Gtrain, totally agree with you! Umpiring is a tough gig, made even tougher by the constantly-changing rule interpretations, if not outright rule changes, and they deserve to be respected. And also agree that the umpire is always right, and can't believe that the AFL would ever come out after a game and declare that an umpiring decision was wrong. Also, if you're a player arguing with an umpire about their decision, that just means you're not focussed on the next play, so just get on with it.
But, having said all that, I'm not sure why we bestow the umpires award with such pomp and dignity, when only the coaches really know what players have been asked to do and how well they've done it. Surely the club best and fairest is the highest individual honour for a player.

@James Glanvill.
That's what we come here for.
Piss and moan about Ginnivan, the umpires, Titus, blah.
You reckon the Pies just weren't themselves. Err, the funny part is, they were!!
Agree with everything you said about the Hawks though.

Happy to watch the GF and not give a rat's who wins, just sink the beers

@Fatside—agree with everything you wrote. Especially “I’m not sure why…..”. The Brownlow is still the absolute pinnacle of individual awards probably for very historical reasons, and perhaps because every game is meant to be independently judged by unbiased adjudicators—the umpires. Who are only very mildly preoccupied with the officiating of the actual game.

Maybe a 5th umpire in the stand who gives feedback and advice to the 4 officiating umpires who still do the final voting? We need more umpires, not fewer!!

On the other hand, @Gary Jnr Jnr makes an interesting comment. That some might say Matty Rowell’s Brownlow was a surprise. Yes, it was. To “us”. But Matt was top 3 in tackles, clearances and contested possessions. And 14th in total possessions. And very tough, but very fair. Maybe the umps actually got it right?

Umpires are quirky and adaptable. A normal functioning central nervous system would break into a 1000 pieces if trying to interpret the multiple rule changes every second week—and all within a complex dynamic hostile charged sporting environment. The Brownlow voting reflects that quirky and adaptable nature. Maybe that’s the real intrigue. To expect the unexpected. But no bum ever won a Brownlow (to the best of my knowledge).

When I become AFL CEO, I’m gonna peg the field umpires salaries to our PM’s salary.

I like umpires.
They see things no one else sees.
They think like no one else thinks.
They make the game so much easier to understand.
They work together like Andrew Dillon and Laura Keane.
I also like brussel sprouts, paying tax and sometimes buying a St Kilda membership.

The non free kick to Elliott isn't the issue.
I haven't seen anyone call this, but the pass from Tim Membrey, who had a pretty good game and has had a great career, was diabolical.
It was in the air 2 seconds longer than it needed to be.
So a decent pass lands on Elliotts chest 2 seconds earlier, and Starcevich is still 10-15 metres away.
Goal.
And yes I think it was a free kick. Front on contact has been paid a free kick fairly consistantly for a number of years.
But it's always better not to have the umpires get involved in getting you goals. They sometimes make mistakes.
And if you ask me, I've got some thoughts on the rules and umpires which I could share.
You're welcome.

The only thing to make the Pies summary more complete with appropriate reference to Pendlebury and his legacy would have been to mention his basketball background….

Some great comments this week. Well done all! Especially @James Glanvill for agreeing with me :) about the ducking Hawks. I can't believe more people can't see multiple hawks players duck and hate them as much as me ...or didn't you grow up with a brother who barracked for the Hawks in the 80's and "...learnt to hate so well" as Weddings Parties would say.

If the Elliot free/non-free couldn't be agreed on by Riewoldt, Lewis (flog), Matthews, Brown and Buckley on 'On the Couch' then what chance do us mere mortals have of interpreting it. I think at normal speed it is play on 'cause of Starcevich's eyes on the ball, but in slow-mo' he didn't get enough of the ball and took Elliott's arms. But I like @Crash's call about the hospital pass needing to be better. In fact, I think the one theme for all clubs who exited finals is just that: bombing into the forward line, or dump kicks out of the backline, doesn't work in finals like it mostly did during the home and away - Adelaide being the best/worst case of this.

Thanks God someone had the courage to bring up the Starcevich spoil, I've not heard a thing about it this week from the rest of the AFL media