Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Fremantle (88) v Hawthorn (73)

In previous years, the Dockers' biggest claim to fame was that they were the slightly more likeable Western Australian team.

That’s like being the smartest person in State Parliament, hardly an achievement to write home about.

Now they look like a very good side. How good? People in Melbourne remembering they exist good.

Down by 19 points, the Dockers looked like they were doing what they always do, promise much and deliver little.

This time it was different, against a very good Hawthorn side (that hurt to write), Luke Jackson decided the Dockers weren’t losing this one.

He monstered the Hawks out of the ruck, shrugging opponents off like George Costanza fleeing a burning building.

The Dockers came home with the last five goals of the game, leaving Hawks fans to cry ‘this wouldn’t have happened if Tom Barrass didn’t get injured!’ 

This week’s Sports Bizarre Podcast is Part Two of our series on Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, a man who appeared as a character in Seinfeld and fired everyone.

Friday

Brisbane (100) v Carlton (89)

That could have been so much worse.

Against Brisbane at the Gabba, the Blues were meant to lose by a thousand points, but in what can only be described as a minor miracle, they only lost by eleven.

For the first time this century, Carlton played a second half, which must have been as big a shock to the players as much as the fans.

Some say you shouldn’t praise a team for losing, but it’s different standards for different things.

If an 18-month-old says a three-word sentence, you celebrate it, yet you wouldn’t for an adult.

That’s what Carlton were like on the weekend, a three-year-old performing basic tasks. 

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Port Adelaide (72) v Western Bulldogs (74)

Port should have won this.

At home, they faced a Bulldogs side that is challenging Richmond for the ‘Club most likely to injure all their players’ title.

So injury-prone are the Bulldogs that they even injured field umpire Daniel Johanson during the game.

Even Richmond hasn’t started injuring people outside their team.

Tim English was the latest to go down; he went off with a concussion, making this victory all the more impressive.

Yet despite so much in their favour, the Power looked off all night, before getting close. This came just a week after losing the Showdown dramatically at the last minute.

Sacking Ken Hinkley has become like breaking up with your girlfriend because you thought you could do better, only to now realise you never had it so good.

Saturday

North Melbourne (97) v Sydney (105)

North Melbourne's 1996 team had their 30-year premiership reunion this week, with many in attendance at this game.

A less fun milestone is it’s also been ten years since North have played a final.

Despite the loss, the members of the 1996 team would have been pleased to see improvement across the ground.

Against a top side, North were highly competitive, although it may have got awkward for John Blakey to watch his son Nick put the Roos to the torch throughout the day.

I mean, your kids are put on this Earth to annoy you and get in the way of you having a good day, but this was next level.

Nick was arguably the difference, as Sydney were solid but to North’s credit could never get completely going.

Bloody kids.

Greater Western Sydney (103) v Essendon (89)

It’s been 50 days since the Giants have played at home, an interesting approach from the AFL for a team meant to win over Western Sydney.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but you could argue the majority of Western Sydney wouldn’t have noticed the Giants had gone.

This was a much better performance from Essendon, or the Giants are worse than we thought.

The Bombers dropped Ben McKay, an addition by subtraction approach.

Perhaps even more motivating for the Bombers was the Giants banners that listed Essendon’s 7,916-day finals victory drought as a weakness, while the strengths column was blank. 

Brad Scott said GWS are "desperate for some relevance", which is true but is also the kettle calling the pot black.

Gold Coast (89) v St Kilda (60)

Nobody had more hype coming into the season than the Saints. Ross was trying smiling for the first time and aligning his crystals to balance his chakra and they were splashing the cash.

We were told this was the new St Kilda.

Nine rounds in, however, and it feels a lot like the old St Kilda, just more expensive.

To be fair, it’s hard to win against Gold Coast at their home ground in Darwin.

Only the AFL can think that not playing Giants games in Western Sydney, and playing Gold Coast’s games in Darwin, can win them a following in their local area.

Word is the Tasmanian team will play out of Broken Hill.

Geelong (122) v Collingwood (68)

The Pies looked way off on Saturday night. Even with part-timer Scott Pendlebury deciding he would work a shift this week.

Against the Cats, Collingwood looked slower than a council’s building permit process.

They also have the potency up forward of mid-strength beer. It appears trading away their forward line in the offseason was a strategic mistake.

I’d say start playing the kids, but they don’t have any.

Geelong got the wake-up they needed when they lost to Port Adelaide a few weeks ago.

They looked slick all night and were freed from having to worry about the Pies kicking a respectable score, just attacked all night.

Damn Geelong and their relentless competency. It’s making the rest of the competition look bad. 

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Sunday

Melbourne (99) v West Coast (67)

Kysaiah Pickett is INNOCENT.

INNOCENT!!!

If those jerks at the AFL MRO even think about suspending him, dozens of Dees supporters will briefly consider marching on AFL House. DOZENS!

If anything, Jake Waterman should be cited for getting in Pickett’s way.

FREE PICKETT!!!

Richmond (61) v Adelaide (98)

Say what you like about Richmond, they take injuring their players seriously.

Tom Brown broke his arm in this one to take those on the injury list to seventeen.

Such is the volume of injuries; it can’t be a coincidence. It’s time we seriously consider the reality that Richmond have been cursed.

It’s the only thing that explains it. My bet is someone walked under a ladder or broke a mirror.

That said, you can’t rule out someone spilling salt or opening an umbrella indoors.

I’d even look into someone at the club not responding to a chain letter.

As for Adelaide, they made this a heavy slog. They were even down by ten at halftime, before the reality that they might need to get out of first gear.

It’s lucky they got going. The Richmond theme song is triggering for the Crows.

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