Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Geelong (101) v Brisbane (123)

Chris Fagan said the Geelong-Brisbane rivalry is like Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. He left out the words ‘but fun to watch’.

Brisbane have sent a warning to the rest of the league after a sluggish start to the season, beating Sydney last week and Geelong on Thursday.

They started with an eight-goal opening term, until Patrick Dangerfield turned things around.

Dangerfield may be 100 years old, but he rarely plays like that, instead running around like a kid at his first rave.

He finished with five goals.

Geelong soon got things going off the back of his heroics, and it became a shootout, with not a lot of defence going on.

It made it even stranger that Jeremy Cameron only managed four possessions.

Ever since Patrick Dangerfield broke his arm, he’s struggled.

Any other workplace in the world and you wouldn’t have to keep working alongside someone who had broken your arm.

This week’s Sport Bizarre podcast looks at how Italy have missed the past three World Cups, and examine the corruption, self interest and bad management that led it there.

Friday

Sydney (90) v Western Bulldogs (55)

I know they have injuries, but it’s possible the Bulldogs just aren’t as good as some people make out they are.

Far too often, they were beaten at clearances, to the point that Luke Beveridge moved Tim English to full-back.

It’s not exactly a move you make if things are going well.

Especially when Charlie Curnow is enjoying having teammates who can pass to him and not boot it over his head.

He finished with six goals.

To the Swans credit, after the Lions smashed their handball-happy game, they adjusted.

Unfortunately, what works against the Bulldogs might not work against the top teams. 

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West Coast (74) v Adelaide (99)

The Crows got lucky that Harley Reid finished with 0.4 in this one.

He did everything but kick accurately in this one as he dragged his team into contention late.

The problem was that the Crows just had too many good players for the Eagles to contain.

They got out early and stayed there, no matter how hard the Eagles tried to drag themselves back into the game.

The Crows are like a Subaru Forrester. Solid, but not fancy.

They will get the job done more often than not, but it’s hard to see them go far in the finals when it becomes more like a Grand Prix and less like a trip to the organic shop to get some Hemp Gold Seed Oil.

Saturday

Hawthorn (90) v Melbourne (125)

I’ve never felt so flat after a 35-point victory.

Melbourne stormed out of the gates, looking on track to score 200 points in this one.

The Hawks, down on manpower, looked like the worst side in the league in the first half.

Even their best players were fumbling the ball as the Dees ran riot.

I was in Launceston and Hawks and Dees fans were in a state of shock. It was surreal, it was like it wasn’t really happening.

At halftime, the 86-9 on the scoreboard looked like a mistake. Either that or Hawthorn had been inspired by the Socceroos to avoid scoring at all costs. 

Max Gawn was playing like a man who blamed Hawthorn for the death of his entire family.

Halfway through the third quarter, Hawthorn suddenly got going, while the Dees stopped.

It resulted in 12 straight goals to the Hawks, as of all people, Mabior Chol seized the game like he was the greatest forward who ever lived.

The Hawks supporters near me, who had been bagging him all day, switched positions faster than a politician behind in the polls.

It made for a tense last quarter. Dees fans started to wonder, could we stuff this up?

In the end, it wasn’t even close.

A 35-point win against the Hawks in their Launceston fortress is a result you’d take every time, but as everyone filed out, no one really knew what to feel.

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Greater Western Sydney (109) v Fremantle (88)

With a 14-game win streak behind them, this was probably a loss the Dockers had to have.

Under pressure from the Giants, the Dockers looked off, with a lot of their stars well down on form.

Part of this was the fact the Giants came to play.

Their aggression was on show when Toby Greene and Patrick Voss went at it.

Strange for two players known for their calm demeanours.

Greene finished the game with 27 disposals, three goals and two fines taking his fine total to $52,725.

That’s one AFL Christmas party funded by Toby on his own.

The difference in the end was everyone’s favourite player, Jake Stringer who booted a career-high seven goals.

The bad news for the Giants was Lachie Whitfield being ruled out during the game for concussion.

It takes their injury list to fifteen players, which is what we call less than ideal.

Gold Coast (98) v Collingwood (104)

A fiery and entertaining game with both sides taking it to each other both legally and illegally.

In what was an entertaining game, the standout moment was when on halftime, Ben Long shouldered Brayden Maynard in the ribs when he wasn’t looking, leading to an all-in melee.

Maynard, not exactly the shy and retiring type, took umbrage at the cheap shot and ran miles to get to Long, clashing with an umpire in the attempt.

Touk Miller also touched an umpire in the chaos, as both sides wrestled with each other.

The fallout saw Ben Long handed a two-week ban, Maynard and Touk Miller handed $5000 misconduct fines and 16 players sanctioned.

The final bill came to 37 sanctions and $60,000 worth of fines.

Despite all the carry on, it was the Pies who steadied when it mattered, handing Gold Coast its sixth consecutive loss.

Richmond (72) v Carlton (74)

Carlton has won seven consecutive games, and no one is more surprised than Carlton fans, with the possible exception of their players.

Yet it wasn’t what you’d call a dominant performance.

Josh Fraser got his first ‘oh, are we going to stuff this up?’ moment since becoming interim coach, as the Blues looked like stuffing this up late.

But Carlton showed calmness in the dying moments, and instead of doing stupid things, they decided to do smart things, like locking the ball in at stoppages.

The rain proved decisive too, limiting the skill gap between the two teams.

The Blues have Hawthorn next, and depending on who the Hawks get back from injury, that will be a true test of the Fraser renaissance.

Sunday

Essendon (50) v St Kilda (117)

Bombers fans must be wondering how their club has managed to limbo under their already incredibly low expectations.

Any idea that Dean Solomon should be their next coach should surely be DOA after this performance.

The Saints looked like they were doing some light match practice, with Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera finishing with 46 disposals.

Brad Hill had 40 and Max Hall 33 as Essendon looked like the purpose of the sport is to avoid touching the ball.

Their one bright spot was Zach Merret, who is effectively a hostage playing against his will.

The good news is, I have every faith in Essendon making the best decision about who will coach them next year.

Port Adelaide (73) v North Melbourne (52)

Probably for the best this was buried in the Shameful Sunday timeslot.

The game was a mess, partly reflected in 71 free kicks being handed out.

It was as if the umpires wanted to get involved in the hot mess unfolding on the field and thought, ‘Let’s help make this painful for the viewing public.’

Every goal felt laboured, and there’s no easy way to say this, watching this game made me feel sad.

To think you can train your whole life and still not perform basic football skills.

The good news is, even if it occasionally feels like it, a game of football cannot go on forever, and with a massive sense of relief, when this one ended Port had won.

I felt, however, that I had lost.

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