Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Port Adelaide (110) v Carlton (60)
Sorry again for missing last week. The past month the family have had so many illnesses it’s been like running a hospital. That made me like Dr. Gregory House, cranky, poor social skills and resenting the patients I was looking after.
Luckily, I think we’re coming out the end of it and should be back to normal programming.
After losing to North Melbourne, the Blues were keen to make a statement, and they did.
That statement was ‘help! We don’t know how to play football.’
Instead of coming out strong, the Blues managed just one goal before half-time in a harrowing display for their supporters.
So bad did it get that Michael Voss made his way down to the sidelines from the coaches’ box, I assume in a desperate attempt to play.
I still hear people claiming Carlton have a great list but are underperforming but is that really true?
It’s like people keep projecting onto them what they want them to be, not seeing what they are.
As Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Damn it, such a cliché for a footy column to quote Maya Angelou.
As for Port, there’s nothing like a game against the Blues to cheer you up.
Against Carlton, the Power looked like the Harlem Globetrotters, which makes sense as the Blues are the Washington Generals of the AFL.
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Friday
Sydney (96) v Western Bulldogs (105)
For some reason, this was held on what I can only assume was a paddock that had recently been grazed on by a very large herd of cattle.
Players were slipping and sliding everywhere.
When I looked into it, I discovered that this was the SCG not an agricultural showground.
The SCG is apparently in bad shape from an Andrea Bocelli concert held back in April.
That makes sense, Opera fans are known to be particularly destructive, they probably got a circle pit happening and a Wall of Death.
In a round of terrible games, this was the pick of the bunch.
Lunar surface aside, both sides went back and forth at each other, like your left-leaning uncle and right-leaning aunt at Christmas dinner.
In Marcus Bontempelli's 250th, the Doggies dug deep, and with the help of some wayward goalkicking from the Swans got on top when it mattered.
The real highlight was Tom Papley trying to pick a fight Sam Darcy.
It’s always hard to be intimidating when you don’t even come up to a bloke’s shoulder.
Saturday
Gold Coast (104) v Melbourne (85)
Using the first quarter to warm up with some light jogging was probably a strategic mistake for the Dees.
It was garbage stuff. The Dees looked bewildered a footy game was occurring around them.
The Suns took advantage and could have completely blown the Demons away in the first, booting 5.7 to 0.1.
A quarter-time spray from Max Gawn seemed to wake Melbourne, and from then they showed an appropriate level of interest in the game, but the damage was done.
The Suns just needed to keep the Dees at arm’s length. It’s about to be July and the Suns are still in the eight. If they don’t hurry up, they’ll miss their second-half collapse.
As for the Dees, I’m excited to hear about how the team is working on the midfield-forward line connection.
The only other connection that’s taken this long is the train to Melbourne Airport.
Hawthorn (150) v North Melbourne (65)
To call this a contest would be to bend that word so out of shape as to lose all meaning.
After a week celebrating their win against Carlton, it was back to the AFL for the Kangaroos, and they did not seem to like it.
The Hawks ran amok in Launceston, practising some drills, having a laugh, occasionally checking to see if the Roos were still out there.
Jack Gunston kicked a career-best seven goals as Hawthorn’s midfield took the ball forward like they were going for a light stroll.
North may be improving but the growth is slow. It’s like watching grass grow.
At the SCG.
Collingwood (88) v West Coast (59)
The Pies had to travel this week, all the way to Marvel Stadium, and unused to long road trips, they took a while to get going.
In a positive sign for the Eagles, the work rate was there, not something you can say about them very often.
The challenge was matching it when it came to execution, and here the Eagles struggled with more complicated matters like hitting a target.
Collingwood didn’t look great early on, but it was like when a cub bear play attacks a parent. They put up with it awhile, then they brush them off.
The Pies have multiple gears, where West Coast are like a Billy Cart, they don’t have any.
Sunday
Richmond (54) v Adelaide (122)
It’s happy times at the Crows. They’re third on the ladder and just smashed a team that has haunted their nightmares for years.
If they avoid future mindfulness sessions, they could go far.
One man who needs some mindfulness session is Tom Lynch who put together a true shocker of a game, which included taking a swing at Jordon Butts.
Lynch and Butts were lucky it didn’t connect fully, or things could have been much worse.
It was entirely predictable too.
You could see Lynch getting frustrated all game before finally having enough and lashing out. It reminded me of a substitute teacher at school
Lynch said afterwards that he needs to be better. That’s so true, but he’s a young player and is still learning. It’s not like this is a pattern of behaviour over a long career.
Adelaide moved on and really put their foot on the Tigers throat to finish them off and they face Melbourne next, so things couldn’t be better.
Fremantle (81) v St Kilda (69)
For a team 15th on the ladder, the Saints are no easybeats.
They put in a lot of effort, they just can’t score, which is unlike a Ross Lyon team.
As expected, Marcus Windhager went to Nick Daicos again, which is just an extreme level of tagging.
The Dockers had their hands full all day as the Saints kept coming at them, but the Fremantle just had more weapons to deploy.
Sean Darcy and Luke Jackson in the ruck made a big difference, especially Jackson late, and Jordan Clark was impressive, and becomes the fourth Docker I’ve committed to memory.
Fremantle have now won six games in a row and sit sixth on the ladder. I even saw a brief mention of them in the Melbourne media.
Exciting times!
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Bye: Brisbane, Geelong, Essendon, Greater Western Sydney
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COMMENTS
fitzroy forever
Jun 30, 2025
brilliant analysis as always Titus.
Doug
Jun 30, 2025
I'm surprised Andrew Dillon hasn't told Sydney to put a roof on it.
Oh, that's right - they play Test cricket on that ground, just like they do at Bellerive Oval in Hobart. Interesting that in Hobart, the sport demands a ground that is more protected than that required for Test cricket.
But, having followed VFL and AFL for over 60 years, what would I know.
Doggie Dancer
Jun 30, 2025
Can anyone actually list the supposed good players at Carlton. I watched 20 minutes of the second quarter and they play like under 16’s. I’ve never seen so many dumb decisions when they’ve got the ball (which wasn’t very often admittedly).
PENGUIN
Jun 30, 2025
Well done again Titus.
Swans are done, to the general joy of Victoria. Great game though played on a skating rink.
What I don't understand is the criticism of the SCG when it was cleared to be played by the AFL, who inspect every ground for safety well before the game. Divert, divert, divert. Number one rule of the AFL in order to avoid decision making.
Much like the umpires with the holding the ball decisions.
Doug
Jun 30, 2025
Interesting how free kicks that were paid for holding the ball two weeks ago, regardless of any consideration for prior opportunity, were quickly turned into ball-ups this weekend, on the basis of no prior opportunity.
It's almost as if the umpires are being treated as interns, learning about yet another aspect of the game, and focusing on that during the week's matches.
In fact the umpiring is so substandard that interpretations not only vary from week to week or game to game, but even by the same umpire in the same game only seconds apart.
https://au.news.yahoo.com/west-coast-coach-calls-for-explanation-from-afl-after-eagles-dudded-by-late-collingwood-call-214614408.html?guccounter=1
It's time the AFL reverted to 3 umpires. Any engineer will tell you that the more moving parts, the greater the chance for breakdown. We see it when players unnecessarily handball to teammates when they are already within range of goal, and we see it in the umpiring at one end of the ground and at the other.
David Fraser
Jun 30, 2025
Irrelevant to Titus’ column, but does anyone else besides me cringe every time Gary Lyon refers to the front arf or the back arf? Surely Foxtel should tell him the correct pronunciation is half. Even his fellow commentator Jonathan Brown (after elocution lessons) refers to half almost ARF of the time
the g train
Jun 30, 2025
Really good, Titus. Agree with everything you wrote. But thought the relative comparison of Port with the Harlem Globetrotters was a bit overblown. They have the best winning percentage of any professional sports team in history (98.7% [that's the Harlem Globetrotters, not Port] ). And that's incomparable. But know what you meant....
Even as a St Kilda supporter living a life of intense perpetual overwhelming suffering over several decades--these are the types of losses that hurt most. Deluded supporters, commentators and the coach himself will say "St K only lost by two goals against a rampaging Freo at their home ground--there's hope yet". But there simply isn't.
October 2022, The Age; "Ross Lyon has vowed that his new Saints team will not play the stodgy, defensive footy his previous teams had sometimes been guilty of, and will instead be bold and exploit their run"
Doug
Jun 30, 2025
David Fraser - You haven't quite captured the pronunciation - it's "Frunnarf"
Son of Plugger
Jun 30, 2025
Great stuff, Titus. Especially about the substitute teacher.
Were Richmond really that bad, Titus? It was only in two halves that they were blown away. From the second half of the second half of the first half, to the first half of the first half of the second half, Adelaide had a run of 6 unanswered goals. In the other 6 halves, Richmond only lost them by a combined 4 goals.
Loved T Greene's special comments on Ch7 during the Sydney vs WBs game. Especially his comment that he thought The Bonts was currently the best player in the AFL. Incredibly humble, as it's trivially obvious to everyone that T Greene himself is.
Doug
Jun 30, 2025
David White again - while we're on pronunciation, I can't remember the two commentators involved but, watching the Sydney-Bulldogs game, it appeared the Swans had an extra man on the ground. There was a Harry Cunning'em and also a Harry Cunning Ham - both had an excellent game.
Rag Dolled Papley
Jun 30, 2025
The highlight of the weekend was some kid in suburban footy taking the greatest mark in footy history, he might be Michael Jordan's illegitimate white son.
Far better than anything served up by the complete tripe that is the AFL, Sam Darcy's rag dolling of that parasite Papley being the exception.
BLUEBOTTLE
Jun 30, 2025
Well I could complain about Carlton's performance, but that would be churlish, given how average Port were.
The true thrashing is yet to come. Collingwood played their warm-up match this week and will beat the Blues by a Biblical margin. Prepare now for the 40 days/goals of rain and the blue flood of tears.
Jim Laver
Jun 30, 2025
Thank you Titus for your great humour, well, satire, every Monday. It is the highlight of my email feed!
It is clear you do only know four Dockers as you had Windhager going to Nick Daicos who I think was on the other side of the country...
Don Francisco's Sister
Jun 30, 2025
What was Tom Papley thinking?
That was the question most observers asked themselves after he tried to take on Sam Darcy.
Answer: he wasn't thinking, because if he was then he wouldn't be Tom Papley.
AJ
Jun 30, 2025
You're letting Lynch off lightly, Titus. Edits to his Wikipedia entry are scorching:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Lynch_(Australian_footballer,_born_1992)
the g train
Jun 30, 2025
I think Titus was right to let off Tom Lynch so lightly. Lynch insisted after the game: "I didn't want to cause harm or anything like that," That's a good enough defence for me, And hopefully the tribunal,
ANYONE BUT COLLINGWOOD
Jun 30, 2025
What, no mention of Essendon playing the Bye and managing to come out with another 3 injuries?
(and @Jim Laker re: Daicos - that was the joke...)
Fat Side
Jun 30, 2025
The umps seem to have been schooled by the local council workers - the more of them there are out there, the less they seem to do. How any talented on-baller puts up with the blatant AFL-approved holding, blocking and man-handling without snapping is beyond me. It's a wonder there aren't more Lynch, or even Gaff, incidents. And don't get me started on the pushing in the back that has been tolerated this season. It's a blight on the game! ( in a bad way, not in a Malcolm way ).
Just on the 50
Jun 30, 2025
I'm intrigued that Josh Treacy (evidently he's a Fremantle player; could be worth noting his name) has been fined by the MRO $3,125 for engaging in a melee, but no other player was cited, let alone fined. Did he have a little melee with himself? That's really the sort of thing the MRO exists to stamp out!
In other news from Sunday night's match, two tackles the umpires deemed as dangerous against Windhager on the night, didn't raise the finger of the MRO. Evidently, Windhager was winded ... but not haggered. He clocked up 21 touches (which put him in the top 10 players for the match), and yet no melee with himself.
Skarpt
Jul 01, 2025
Rag Dolled Papley, genuine question, what is so terrible about Tom Papley?
Sure he gets in the opposition’s faces, but he’s just highly competitive.
He’s not a dirty player like say, Toby Greene. Much as people seem to think he’s another Toby, they are quite wrong and his record for reports is actually pretty good.
He celebrates his goals energetically but what’s wrong with that?
I’m not a Tom Papley fanboi myself but I genuinely don’t get the antipathy to him.
saint peter
Jul 01, 2025
Great to see you coming out back of it. Where ever that is, Titus.
Don't get so down on yourself with Melbourne losing most of time, it's just like the old days remember the '80's. Both St.Kilda and Melbourne were down the bottom of the ladder. Anyway, Melbourne have their own of presenting themselves into the contest. They ignore them for a quarter. Lulling them into a false sense of security. But then other teams realise what there are to.
Don't tell me you've gone soft on bagging players i.e. Tom Lynch. Mick does have anything to do with does he???
The Saints are fighting hard with good honorable loses. All we need is King back at FF, Nick Daicos in the middle, The Bont playing lose, Rowell & Ainsworth also in the middle, with a side kick in Ben King back where he belongs.