Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.
On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.
What you really want is idiotic hysteria.
You've come to the right place.
Thursday
Essendon (56) v Carlton (90)
Two key points here: the first, it’s quite something that the official broadcaster of the sport had this game and thought, ‘I think showing anything else is better.’
Once a Carlton-Essendon game was box office, now it’s straight to video stuff.
The second key point is no one is happier for a season than end than a Carlton or Essendon supporter.
Unfortunately for Bombers supporters, the pain isn’t yet over.
For Blues supporters, the end of a season is a lot like the end of a hostage situation. The only difference is that you usually don’t end up in a hostage situation every year.
But next year is going to be different! Look at the results on the run home when it didn’t matter.
Friday
Collingwood (82) v Melbourne (76)
Speaking of hostage situations, my pain came to an end with the underperforming Melbourne Football Club underperforming again.
Once again, they were in a game only to stuff up in the dying stages.
It’s been a frustrating season for Melbourne. The players have certainly taken the piss, to use a technical term, and the reaction has been to start sacking people.
They’ve fired so many that even Donald Trump is telling them to calm down.
The Dees were certainly kept in this one by Collingwood’s inaccuracy in front of goal, and the celebrations by the Pies players and coach on the final siren showed a team relieved to have gotten over the line.
The Pies are hardly coming into the finals with a wet sail, with losses to Brisbane, Hawthorn and Adelaide in the past month.
Even worse, in a display of complete unfairness, they must travel outside of Victoria for their first final! Typical anti-Victorian bias from the AFL.
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Port Adelaide (71) v Gold Coast (67)
It’s never good when even the opposing coach says he thought his side was ‘no chance’ and you still lose.
Even worse, the Suns just need to win to play finals.
In their short history, the Suns have avoided finals like I’ve avoided vegetarian restaurants.
Now they need to beat Essendon on a Wednesday because they were too scared to play this game in some light wind and rain back in March.
Lose this, and we should probably just think about moving them to Tasmania.
Unfortunately for them, they were up against a side wanting to send Travis Boak and Ken Hinkley off in style.
In a league filled with players born this century, Boak was alive in the 80s.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a better servant of a club.
As for Hinkley, Port fans have judged him harshly. They were a mess when he joined, and in my opinion, despite never having the best list in the comp, he’s had them up the pointy end more often than not.
Saturday
North Melbourne (100) v Adelaide (113)
Not an ideal run into the finals for Adelaide.
A close game against Collingwood was one thing, but close games against North and West Coast don’t scream ‘Premiership favourite’.
Add to that Izak Rankine being in Italy, and Crows fans will be feeling not as excited as they should be for a team that finished first.
As for Rankine, that debate has been exhaustive while also managing not to be insightful, but I would like to welcome everyone on board who are only now discovering that the AFL can be hypocritical.
North fans will be desperately hoping this is the last terrible year, and the start of a climb up the ladder is imminent.
The Kangaroos haven’t set the world on fire for some time now, and their biggest rivalry is with Kane Cornes.
You won’t find a more loyal bunch than North fans, and they deserve to see some significant improvement in 2026.
Richmond (64) v Geelong (103)
Both sides got the assignment for this season.
For Geelong, it was to once again finish in the top two, while laughing at all the loser clubs who have to keep rebuilding, some for decades on end.
For Richmond, it was to show improvement, blood the young kids, and finish with great draft picks.
If you’re going to have a 17th place finish, this was the way to do it. It’s arguably the best season of a seventeenth-placed side ever.
Geelong’s success is based on good decision-making, facilities built with more taxpayer funding than hospitals get, and the fact AFL players like surfing.
Now it’s time for the annual debate over whether the Cats should be able to play a home final. That never gets old!
West Coast (51) v Sydney (118)
The Eagles have capped off a historic season, being the first AFL side to record a 22-loss season.
A solitary win was all they had to show for the year.
Things aren’t smooth sailing with the season over. Incredibly quickly after the game the Eagles announced Oscar Allen would be leaving, with real ‘don’t let the door hit your arse on the way out’ vibes.
Add to that Harley Reid being unsigned, and it’s unclear what the Eagles are going to do to improve.
Still, Eagles fans, I’m sure have a lot of confidence in their club sorting things out.
As for the Swans, this is a season best forgotten.
Dean Cox had to rip through his team at quarter time to get his team to focus, and it was over for the Eagles from there.
The Swans finished tenth, but in good news, you can’t get belted in a Grand Final from there.
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Sunday
Greater Western Sydney (104) v St Kilda (93)
The Giants had so much trouble with the Saints that they needed not one, but two game-saving marks from Toby Greene to win.
Greene also kicked four goals, and in perhaps the most amazing stat, had zero reports. That’s astounding this close to finals.
It’s why the Giants put up with his shenanigans; he can singlehandedly win a game for you.
Saints fans finish the year with some hope for the future.
Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera signing was the happiest moment in most Saint supporters' lives.
Next year they have Tom De Koning coming over, and all they have to do was offer him heaps and heaps of money.
Things are looking up.
Western Bulldogs (97) v Fremantle (112)
If accusations of being flat track bullies aren’t enough to make you angry, for Dogs supporters, their team has now put them in the position that they now need to barrack for Essendon.
It’s a cruel and unusual punishment. Even Bombers supporters don’t like barracking for Essendon.
That’s worth lodging a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.
The Dockers usually handle pressure like I handle first dates; they freeze up, make poor decisions, and it’s over very early.
But not on the weekend, the Dockers did everything right, and now the equivalent of a second date, finals, and even better, the second date is at their house.
The Dogs big problem was their defence works about as well as Siri. It also didn’t help that they went forty-five minutes of game time without kicking a goal.
Brisbane (89) v Hawthorn (79)
The Lions made it hard for themselves with woeful goalkicking, but they got the job done in the end.
It was a fitting way to honour Dayne Zorko's 300th game, one of the most beloved players in the game.
Lions fans watched on in horror as their team booted eight behinds and no goals in the first quarter and then booted nine consecutive behinds in the third term.
Hawthorn couldn’t believe their luck, but their luck wouldn’t hold when Karl Amon was done for insufficient intent when he handballed the ball over the line in defence.
In fairness, it was probably just poor skill, but that if you’re upset about umpiring consistency, you’re in for an unhappy life.
In the end, Brisbane deserved the win, but you wouldn’t want to meet Hawthorn in the finals.
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COMMENTS
Tarax Club
Aug 25, 2025
Congratulations Titus Fair Concise Authoritative. Personally don’t give a rats who win the AFL premiership lottery. Collingwood Geelong and Hawthorn excluded of course.
Phil from Freo
Aug 25, 2025
Are you ok Titus ? This was a fairly serious review
Essendon’s last stand
Aug 25, 2025
I like the Billy Bragg reference Titus. Cruel and unusual punishment indeed.
TAKING ELSTERNWICK BY STORM
Aug 25, 2025
"As for Hinkley, Port fans have judged him harshly. They were a mess when he joined, and in my opinion, despite never having the best list in the comp, he’s had them up the pointy end more often than not."
Well put.
Kane C
Aug 25, 2025
Haha pure comedy ‘ It was a fitting way to honour Dayne Zorko's 300th game, one of the most beloved players in the game.’
Son of Plugger
Aug 25, 2025
Great end of the minor round season, Titus. Even though it's not the end of the minor round season.
Imagine what it's like for Essendon being at the end of a miserable soul destroying season, Especially when it's actually not the end of the season. Titus--do you really think that anyone's gonna rent the Carlton vs Essendon video?
Yes, at least Sydney don't have to get belted in a GF. Just as well, as the AFL banned then for 5 seasons from playing in a GF due to their recent offensive GF performances. Reduced to 4 years because the phycological damage inflicted by the shellacking in 2022 was a contributing factor to their shellacking in the 2024 GF. In all seriousness, Titus--it's understood that a Collingwood player dobbed in Rankine. A great tactic dobbing in a matchwinner when the likely first week final was Adelaide vs Collingwood. Yes, the AFL can be mildly hypocritical at times too.
On a positive note--absolutely agree with Titus that T Greene is the GOAT.
saint peter
Aug 25, 2025
Very good Titus - an excellent description of the way each side played out the game.
Now as a Saints fan I can't wait for next year to come around. We have a new recruit in Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera and apparently we are getting Tom De Koneing and Leek Alir. Plus I believe we have a bonus good player coming in H. Reid. I don't know who he plays for but he sounds like just what we need. Yes, all our Christmas's have come at once.
Woody
Aug 25, 2025
Even the fair-to-all-comers afl are capable of making a minor error like that. Collingwood do still have a second chance, which is almost certain to be a home game, and if by some miracle they make the GF, it's automatically another home game. See how fair the afl is
MDSO
Aug 25, 2025
Perhaps West Coast and Essendon should join forces.
DB
Aug 25, 2025
Accurate take on mindset of a crows supporter - slow starts against hawks and Pies and way too close wins against WCE and Roos is not the lead in month you want, despite winning all four
the g train
Aug 25, 2025
Agree with everything your wrote, Titus. But also agree with @Phil from Freo. Not as recklessly idiotically hysterical this Monday--but perhaps that's just Titus being idiotically hysterical to the extreme. It leaves the devoted Knee Jerk Reaction reader bewildered in an idiotic nonsensical way, because a sensible rational discourse has left many feeling irrationally hysterical. Yet we expect this from Titus because it was not what we expected. Which is exactly what we expect--to expect the unexpected. The unexpected had eventually become routinely expected so that it can be no longer be expected. So Titus then expectedly becomes truly unexpected. So we have a rational Knee Jerk Reaction becoming the most idiotic nonsense Titus has ever written. He has Beautifully shown the limitations of linear straight line rational discourse in such a simple way that not even William Blake himself could come close to nailing.
As a devoted St Kilda supporter--to finish the season with 4 consecutive wins and then a loss to the umpires in the final round, AND the resigning of Nas--I am TRULY hopeful for season 2026. Can't wait.....
Fat Side
Aug 25, 2025
Had to laugh when Zorko went to rough-up Ginnivan at the start of the game and Ginnivan turned around and punched him in the throat - I'm not condoning it, mind you, but the look on Zorko's face as he sucked the air in was priceless.
Anyone But Collingwood
Aug 25, 2025
"Even Bombers supporters don’t like barracking for Essendon." As a Bombers fan, can confirm -sorry Doggies. This season has felt like 2016 all over again, complete with all our top-up players, just a ittle less controversy.
Blue Balls or Bluebells
Aug 25, 2025
In the deep north (UK) bluebells popping up through the snow are a sign thaty a bleak winter is over and spring has sprung with it's specracular growth and development. Likewise Carlton finishing the season with two straight wins could be a promise of a brighter future or just enough to not cancel my automatic membership renewal?
Arthur
Aug 25, 2025
The G Train,
I was so excited when the Saints re-signed Nas, but now you're telling me he's resigned...I'm absolutely devastated!
Straight Up The Guts
Aug 25, 2025
Perhaps the AFL could introduce a new annual award. The Golden Fist (thank you Spud Frawley) to reference the “stuff up of the year”. A plethora of candidates again this year but I’m thinking the AFL have maintained a strong winning streak here. (think umpires, Snoop Dog, AFLW admin, umpires, Izak Rankine, out of bounds rule, fixturing & televising games, umpires etc…) Perhaps chosen by a panel of experts (Maybe Trumpy, Kane, Vlad, Ch.10 excec’s, Auskicker of the Year & Razor Ray?) to chose the winner and exactly where the trophy should go. Televised by SBS up against the Brownlow Night.
Go Bombers :(
Aug 25, 2025
I don't think the Bulldogs are flat track bullies, as suggested, it's just that they are so consistent they played at the exact same level against every team this year. Against the lower teams this meant winning by large margins, but against better opposition the exact same level was always a bit short.
BzG
Aug 25, 2025
Hey, STRAIGHT UP THE GUTS
!!! I’m in…. especially if we could coax Roy & HG outta retirement to MC/commentate the night. (TV volume off, radio on 😂). And I’d vote for it to be a 2-night extravaganza to rival the Draft.
The g train
Aug 25, 2025
@Arthur,
I’m resigned to feeling you have a grammatical point. But I have very recently re-signed into the “How to write like Titus O’Reily” degree at Melbourne university. I did resign early from the degree due to overly exuberant tuition fees, and so missed the 2nd semester topic about “permissible grammatical errors”.
Monochromatic
Aug 25, 2025
“In a league filled with players born this century, Boak was alive in the 80s.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a better servant of a club.”
Titus. Mate. I think you may have forgotten about Scott Pendlebury who is SEVEN months older than Boak and signed on for next year!
Also; I believe Rankine is not in Italy, but was instead sent to Coventry. Where he should stay until he evolves into a decent person.
Sheldon Wiebe
Aug 25, 2025
Just a follow up to your note of Karl Amon's unwarranted free hijacking: even Razor Ray wouldn't have flubbed that call - and he never gave the Hawks a break.
DON FRANCISCO'S SISTER
Aug 25, 2025
@ GO BOMBERS:
"I don't think the Bulldogs are flat track bullies, as suggested, it's just that they are so consistent they played at the exact same level against every team this year. Against the lower teams this meant winning by large margins, but against better opposition the exact same level was always a bit short."
You may have struck the tack precisely upon its cranium, there. Until the Dogs learn how to change gears depending on the opposition they'll be doomed to sink into obscurity. Or as Titus would put it, to fade into a Bolivian.
Slug
Aug 25, 2025
Mr. Maynard is now the Rainbow Warrior?
Jurgen Wiesner
Aug 25, 2025
One of your very best, Titus!
Ebenezer Diddly
Aug 25, 2025
"You won’t find a more loyal bunch than North fans, and they deserve to see some significant improvement in 2026."
The same fans who booed Adam Goodes throughout his last AFL game in 2015. May they rot at the bottom of the table forever.
Chris
Aug 26, 2025
Why don’t you publish all the articles. Sick of sending.
Kevin R
Aug 26, 2025
I read a comment on a reddit post about a US sport team, I think it was the Bruins. The author said he'd arranged for the team to lower his coffin into his grave, when he dies. He wants them to let him down one last time.