Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise.

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.

Thursday

Western Bulldogs (77) v North Melbourne (100)

North Melbourne hadn’t beaten a top eight opponent under Alastair Clarkson until this game.

By becoming the first top eight side to lose to them in that era, the Bulldogs are now no longer in the top eight.

North fans would be please that when challenged, the Roos didn’t collapse into the foetal position and instead decided to hold onto the lead right until the end. 

The Bulldogs’ season has been a bit like every relationship I’ve been in.

It started very excitingly, then there was some bad luck, some bad decisions, a key forward went down and suddenly it's tense.

Then you spend months trying to recapture the magic, only for nothing to compare to those magical first few months, and suddenly, you lose to North Melbourne.

In a sentence that could come back to haunt me, so save it away, the Dogs are the definition of making up the numbers if they play finals.

Friday

Brisbane (125) v Hawthorn (58)

Six days before Brisbane had given up 154 points to Carlton, this week the Hawks couldn’t manage to put 60 points on the board.

The worry for the Hawks is if you stop Nick Watson, you tend to stop Hawthorn.

Against Brisbane, he was less a wizard and more like a kid’s party magician. 

Less Gandalf, more Greg from accounts who does magic as a sideline even though it’s keeping him single.

Brisbane needed to respond after that game and they certainly did against a club above them on the ladder.

Here’s what’s scary about the Lions. They haven’t played that well this season and they are fourth on the ladder.

They even get the Suns next week. It’s scary how much talent they have on their list. 

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Saturday

Melbourne (113) v Fremantle (109)

A game for the ages, as two top sides reminded us that football is still the greatest thing ever created by human hand.

It was one of those games where no team lost any respect.

The Dees proved they deserve to be up the top, while Freo played so well that any doubt they can win at the MCG in finals should be gone.

If the finals are anything like this, we are in for one of the greatest finals series ever and both these sides play the sort of football that is a joy to watch. The type of football where you try to win. 

It had everything. High-flying marks, extraordinary goals, massive momentum swings, a nail-biting finish and some strange umpiring decisions.

The umpires should have known Bayley Fritsch’s mark in the dying moments was out of bounds, given he knocked over a rather well-curated cheese platter and a bottle of Chablis while taking it in the third row.

But there’s no sense crying over spilt Chablis when you’ve just knocked off the ladder leaders.

The Dees are the real deal.

Forget Wharfie time, on Saturday at the MCG, it was Patek Philippe time. 

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Sydney (167) v Port Adelaide (70)

It was during the nine goals in a row that Sydney were pouring on in the second quarter that I thought ‘Port may be in trouble here.’

The gulf in class was huge. One team is a private jet, the other a flight to Bali on a budget airline.

Port had all the signs of a team who knows its season is over but has to get through the next few weeks until they too can get on that flight to Bali.

The only good news for Port was Jason Horne-Francis has been cleared of any major knee damage after the game.

Sydney got to work after a wasteful first quarter and then just cruised. They get Essendon next week and then North.

How do you get so many byes leading into the finals?

Geelong (117) v Essendon (50)

The Cats looked like the best team money can buy on the weekend.

They destroyed the Bombers with the same ease they beat an AFL inquiry.

Essendon didn’t even score a goal until the 27-minute mark of the second term.

Scoring one goal seemed to remind the Bombers that they are allowed to, and they came back a bit, but that was because by then the Cats were pretty much in the showers getting ready to go home.

The only negative for the Cats was when Gryan Miers hobbled off in the second quarter.

Luckily, after some time with the physio and a quick sign of a waiver, he came back on.

Adelaide (63) v Richmond (54)

The Crows should be sending a lovely gift basket to Tom Lynch for kicking 0.3, otherwise this would have been very different.

Adelaide looked genuinely annoyed that the Tigers gave them so much trouble.

It was like getting a substitute teacher who insists on working harder than when your actual teacher is there.

The Crows were expecting the teacher to put on Charlotte’s Web and instead they got an algebra test.

Sometimes it’s good to win even when you play like a bunch of people who just consumed a lot of tequila, but heading into finals it’s not a great sign for the Crows.

Sunday

Greater Western Sydney (77) v Gold Coast (79)

Manuka Oval in Canberra might need a roof given only 5,814 people showed up to watch this, partly because it was cold and wet but mainly because it was the Giants playing the Suns.

Even for the Giants and Suns players, this was a small crowd.

We now know that at least Matt Rowell was sick of losing, finishing with 40 disposals, 17 clearances and 16 tackles.

After losing ten games in a row, Rowell was everywhere, willing his team over the line.

The Suns got lucky though with a goal awarded to Bailey Humphrey that could be described as a bit strange.

I could write more, but I doubt anyone is reading a Suns-Giants review. In fact, I’m so sure no one is reading this bit that I’d like to confess to several murders.

West Coast (98) v Collingwood (117)

Nick Daicos is a very handy footballer.

The Eagles did everything to stop him. They tagged him, hit him late and in an out-of-character move, the West Coast fans booed him.

This all worked, as they kept him to just 39 disposals, 10 clearances and 12 score involvements.

What a loser! He'd better learn to play through that tag.

This was a fun game to watch, as Harley Reid also ran amok with 30 disposals and six clearances, despite battling through a corked leg.

I had a corked leg once and took two weeks off work. The boss pointed out I work from home and at a desk.

“It’s a standing desk,” I quickly replied.

That’s me. Always playing 4-D chess.

They let me go a few weeks later.

St Kilda (62) v Carlton (106)

Watching St Kilda in the first quarter was jarring. I haven’t heard so many cries of ‘medic’ outside of a Vietnam war movie.

Barracking for St Kilda is like dating my mate Simon. No matter how much he says he’s changed, he will let you down every time, often in very public, embarrassing ways.

You can even spend a lot of money trying to support him, shower him with new toys, and he’ll still make you wish he’d never met him.

St Kilda’s problem is they are cursed and they don’t even have a name for the curse. It’s denial. The first step is admitting you are cursed.

The Saints can technically still make the finals, but it’s doubtful anyone wants them too, and that includes the players.

Even the biggest Blues fan couldn’t have dreamt what is happening. The Blues are now two games clear in tenth spot.

Just consider what Josh Fraser has taught the Blues players in just a few months.

Things like kicking, handballing, catching a football, basic coordination, running, tackling, trying and enjoying being a footballer.

It would be the most Carlton thing ever if the Blues don’t offer Josh Fraser the job and he goes on to win them the premiership this year.

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