Jun 14, 2022


The Tuesday Knee Jerk Reaction: AFL Round Thirteen


Footy is a passion, not some cold hearted, spread sheet dominated rational exercise. 

On a Monday, you want irrational reaction. You want emotion to trump reason.

What you really want is idiotic hysteria.

You've come to the right place.


Richmond (77) v Port Adelaide (65)

Is Port Adelaide’s season over early?

Yes, it’s a trick question, it never began.

The Power have improved as the season has gone on, but if you start as they did, that’s not really a compliment.

True to form, Port started badly and that left them with no margin for error to fix things. I would say it’s like a metaphor for their season, but I don’t really know what a metaphor is.

Until recently I thought a metaphor was a mythical animal.

There would be some concerns at Richmond that they gave up a good lead but footy is quite a difficult game and these things happen.

Dustin Martin was quiet by his standards with just 13 possessions, but that included two goals.

Great players are super annoying, even when you mainly stop them, they still do good things.

Perhaps most memorable about this match is the debut of Judson Clark, who booted two goals with his first two kicks.

It’s not a bad start to your career I guess, although I remember watching Clen Denning at the Lake Oval boot six goals with his first six kicks back in 1935.

It was a nice little break from the great depression, and it really picked me up after a nasty bout of pleurisy.


Essendon (54) v Carlton (80)

Essendon celebrated their 150th anniversary by honouring James Hird and losing badly.

It was everything wrong with the club in one night.

Before the game, the ceremony really showed the history of the Essendon Football Club, with all the players you grew up hating being paraded about.

Then Dyson Heppell gave a speech to the players and the legends of the club, and everything was going incredibly well for the Bombers supporters.

Unfortunately for them, the footy then had to start.

It just couldn’t be avoided. Football teams have to play games of football, no matter how ill-suited they are to it.

I don’t know how many times I have to warn people, but this Carlton team are not the basket case we have come to know and love.

Michael Voss could be in trouble though, he gave an old-fashioned spray to his charges at three-quarter time, which I thought was now illegal.

Raising your voice above the volume of a butterfly’s wings is not allowed for AFL coaches.

David Noble would be wondering how Voss got away with it, and the reason is, the Blues are winning.

There’s not much you can’t get away with in footy if you are winning.

Voss’ spray terrified everyone on the field to the point no team kicked a goal in the last quarter.


Fremantle (95) v Hawthorn (82)

What a thrill it must be for Nat Fyfe to get to play with Andrew Brayshaw; it’s something he’ll always be able to tell his grandkids.

Brayshaw had 37 disposals, seven tackles and kicked the goal that sealed the game, in a performance that is becoming routine for him.

Being talented is one thing, being reliable is something else. Being both makes the rest of us feel small.

Dockers fans would have been thrilled with Fyfe’s return, there was a goal, plenty of promising signs and no injuries.

The disappointing thing for Fremantle, and all footy fans, is Hawthorn weren’t that far off the 2022 premiers.

I thought if Hawthorn had lost seven of its last eight games, I’d feel a lot of happier.

But they were close in this and have had some good performances this season.

I don’t, know, I’d just hoped for more misery.

Brisbane (78) v St Kilda (57)

Sadly, the dream scenario of Joe Daniher and Max King having a shootout involving only behinds never eventuated.

Instead, we got terrible goalkicking from the Lions, and everyone single person who has ever played for St Kilda got injured over the course of the match.

The Lions started slow, kicked 10.18 but their defence held up, a pleasant change for Brisbane fans.

When it really mattered Hugh McCluggage carried the team. Get it, luggage, carrying the team? I know, it’s brilliant! I bet only a few thousand people have come up with that before.

He had a lot of support from Lachie Neale and the fact that St Kilda, who had been taking it up to the Lions, lost Mitch Owens and Dan McKenzie to concussion and Zak Jones to a hamstring injury.

Having a heap of people get injured is something to be avoided in almost every situation.

The Lions didn’t have it easy either on the injury front. Dayne Zorko was subbed off with a hamstring injury and Darcy Gardiner got a knock to the back that caused him problems.

After the game, he required medical treatment for fluid on the lungs. Fluid on the lungs is terrible, remember, I had pleurisy back in 1935.


North Melbourne (53) v Greater Western Sydney (102)

I was watching this in a pub, and seats that couldn’t see the television were the most sort after. In fact, two brawls broke out, just so people could get kicked out and stop seeing what was happening.

Unfortunately, my seat had a clear view, and no matter how much I drank, my vision stayed stubbornly unblurred. A first, and an unfortunate one.

Things weren’t going well at all for the Kangaroos' number one draft pick, Jason Horne-Francis who got in an argument with Todd Goldstein at one point and then decided to whack Josh Kelly, which will see him suspended for two weeks.

The real question is how the AFL can expose someone so young to the North Melbourne Football Club and not face child endangerment laws?

When there are teams as bad as North Melbourne and West Coast, basically floating byes, how can we possibly talk about expanding the competition?

There are probably already two too many teams for the talent pool, but the AFL will always dilute its product for money. They’re like bootleggers in that way.


Collingwood (82) v Melbourne (56)

For a team going downhill at a rate of knots, the Big Freeze was a nice backdrop for the Demons' third loss in a row and the most painful of them all.

Melbourne started well, as they have in recent losses, before basically stopping.

This resulted in the Pies booting seven of the last eight goals, a result of harder work and better skills.

Melbourne showed their bad decision-making is not confined to Sunday night catch-ups, repeatedly bombing the ball forward, often to Pies players standing in a postcode with no Demons in it.

At other points, when the Pies were out marking the Dees comprehensively in the forward line, the Dees decided, ‘what if we kick the ball higher in the air as we go forward?’

This did not work at all but that didn’t stop them from doing it for large parts of the game.

The Pies decided to instead focus on not doing anything too fancy but to do everything exceptionally well.

This is almost always the secret to winning football, but people forget that because they think ‘brand’ and ‘systems’ and ‘advanced stats’ are important but then that just confuses teams, and they get too cute, and it all falls apart.

The Pies have all bought into Craig McRae’s way of doing things and it shows.

As for Melbourne, Clayton Oliver can hold his head up high, he had 43 possessions, but individuals aren’t the problem for Melbourne, it’s how they work as a team, something they did perfectly last year.

What Melbourne needs is a team dinner to get back on the same page. Somewhere nice.

Bye: Adelaide, Gold Coast, Western Bulldogs, Geelong, Sydney and West Coast

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. Find out more here: https://titusoreily.com/support-titus




Jun 14, 2022

Unlike North


Jun 14, 2022

What about Pie face for a Dees dinner


Jun 14, 2022

Well done adding Coxy as your hero shot. I bet that hurt!


Jun 14, 2022

Clarrie getting 43 is part of the problem as these rapid fire possessions appear to lead to turnovers most of the time.


Jun 14, 2022

For those with long memories - 1965. After 8 rounds, Melbourne undefeated. End of season Melbourne did not make the finals.


Jun 14, 2022

We had peak Toilet Duck on Thursday night. Fuck that sook is a blight on broadcasting. I thought he 'played' for the crows in between his bouts of screwing his mates missus and the various assaults. But the way he moaned all Thursday night I figure he's a closet Port supporter. And his arse-clown sidekicks are worse. Fawning bunch of lick spittles.

And if you want to experience peak hopelessness, watch the incident around the 9.10 mark of the last quarter. In that play you will see Dylan Grimes flying backwards for the ball and Charlie Dixon barrelling full pelt into his back with no eyes on the ball. The Glassing Duck whined and moaned that it wasn't a free kick and his 'acolytes' joined in.

Any wonder the umpires have a hard time when this 'revered' flog is paying out on them. He is seriously awful and I'm glad that Titus pays out on him all the time.

Con Cushion

Jun 14, 2022

Turn it up Titus .... I was at Clen Denning's debut match and from memory, wait on ... no I can't remember!! Con.


Jun 14, 2022

We really need to stop that Brayshaw chap's yelling and screaming commentary.
His ignorant comments and inability to make any intelligent sense of the game is just beyond belief.
Titus for the love of football..


Jun 14, 2022

Can you please put Collingwood games first in your review? It'll save me scrolling through the boring matches.


Jun 14, 2022

Working pleurisy twice into the one article - bravo!

Elrond Hubbard

Jun 14, 2022

'sort after' should be sought after. It's the past tense of 'to seek' as in seeks, seeking, sought .

Really Titus, for someone who went to school in the 1920s this is inexcusable.

Also Barry: Agreed, that Brayshaw chap should definitely placed in an hermetically sealed container before each match, for about three weeks.


Jun 14, 2022

C'mon BFTO, say it like you mean it. Stop gilding the lily.


Jun 14, 2022

It’s sought after, not sort after. I’d have overlooked it if you weren’t such a meanie.


Jun 14, 2022

Absotively! The key is not expansion but reallocation. Move a VIC team on to virgin territory, like across Bass Strait.

The g train

Jun 14, 2022

“Being talented is one thing, being reliable is something else. Being both makes the rest of us feel small”. For me personally, just one of these attributes makes me feel small. Both of them make me feel like a StK supporter. Squared.

There’s an old saying in footy: You’re only as good as your last 3 games. Melbourne are not very good.

How long does a supporter feel satisfied and content after their team’s grand final victory? Serious question, as I have no idea. I’m a StK supporter.


Jun 14, 2022

Absolutely ' full moon'

.... it's time to announce the re-allocation team for Tasmania ...
Born to be the real deal " Tasman Devils".

andrew hodder

Jun 14, 2022

Ah...1935 and Lakeside, watching Clen bag his 6. I remember a fresh southerly had whipped up a 6 inch chop on the lake. I was escorting a young Bobby Skilton who had shown some interest in the game. Our vision was blocked by this oaf in front of us, who spent the whole afternoon coughing and racking into his handkerchief. I suggested at half time, he go and have a lung test..

Cheese Toastie Seven Ways

Jun 14, 2022

Clen Denning had an incredibly long career. 6 goals on debut in 1935 and a Brownlow with Norf in 1983.


Jun 14, 2022

Clen Denning had an incredibly long career. 6 goals on debut in 1935 and a Brownlow with Norf in 1983.

I thought that name sounded familiar.


Jun 14, 2022

What's pleurisy? What is the singular of pleurisy?

Son of plugger

Jun 14, 2022

TRINTHEUS: good questions. I just know it’s an illness not to be sneezed at, and the best remedy is getting plenty of rest. Hope this remedy allows Titus to completely recover.

I don’t mind Brayshaw as a commentator. As long as you ignore what he’s actually saying. Plenty of unbridled enthusiasm form the lad, which is a good thing.

Daniel Fletcher

Jun 14, 2022

It's funny how people's tastes / preferences differ. I don't mind Wayne Carey's commentary and i find Brayshaw's ok too. The one that gives me the absolute irrits is Bargearse Brian Taylor. I often go the mute button when he's prattling on.

The Dirty Bludger

Jun 14, 2022

The problem with Brayshaw and BT isn't that they try to inject their personality into the call.
The problem is their personalities.

Running Dog

Jun 14, 2022

Titus, someone should sue you for making that joke about McCluggage for the umpteenth time. But then, you know what happened to the lawyer who sued the airline when his baggage went missing? He lost his case.

Lion in CBR

Jun 14, 2022

Titus, get it right. Hugh's nickname is Suitcase.

Corporal Agarn

Jun 14, 2022

Let's give a shout out to West Coast for their effort this week. Kept their % just over 50. Well(not)played.


Jun 14, 2022

BIG FELLA. What terrible way to finish the round.Here we were paying homage to the great man and his great fight against the beast that is MND. Then we had to watch the filth ruin our day and send us into the bye losing 3 on the trot.I know we have to lose a few games now and then so we leave room for going out on the town and have a fight with team mates but jesus couldnt we just lose to norf or the sparrows from perth instead of losing to the filth ? It is going to take me quite a while to get over this loss but hey we have a week to get our game back in order to take on the lions. Oh well damage has been done so heads up and GO DEES.


Jun 14, 2022

So Titus, did the Melbourne dynasty live up to expectations?