Aug 28, 2018


Ticketek offer apology, which you can print out at home for $8.50


Alleged ticketing company Ticketek, has offered AFL members an apology after their website went down today following AFL finals tickets going on sale.

The apology, in full below, can be printed off at home for $8.50.

Ticketek would like to apologise for the collapse of our website this morning during the on-sale period for AFL members.

Our website was working completely normally, but then a whole bunch of people suddenly started trying to use this.

This had not been anticipated and more importantly, could not have been anticipated.

Not only did lots of people go onto our site but they started trying to purchase tickets all at once.

Our system is not designed for such an event, especially one that appears to be completely random.

Despite this we reacted swiftly.

Keith, our head of IT called the executive team to tell them that the one computer we have had gone on the blink. Keith sounded very flustered, as he had only just become our head of IT after ten years working in the mailroom.

He yelled at me that he ‘had tried hitting it’ and then told me he was taking stress leave.

As Managing Director, I immediately dispatched our crisis team, which is our Chief Financial Officer’s teenage son because he loves computers.

He took one look at it and said running an entire Ticketek system off a 1986 Amstrad was ‘idiotic madness’ and said he had to even ‘Google what an Amstrad was’ as he left.

After several heroic attempts by me of turning the computer off and on, I was defeated.

While we understand this is frustrating, we do have plans to invest more in our IT infrastructure in upcoming years.

The last few years we have not been able to do this due to a strategy to prioritise executive bonuses.

Despite these minor hiccups, I’m confident that by the end of possibly next decade, Ticketek will be a fully-fledged ticketing company, able to handle events as large as community performance art shows and amateur choir recitals.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Cameron Hoy

Managing Director

Ticketek Australia

Titus has a new live show ‘Manifestly Inadequate’and new dates to announce.

They are his traditional bye round tour wrapping up the 2018 season and previewing the finals.

The dates are:

4 August- Hobart

27 August- Canberra

29 August- Perth

31 August- Sydney

1 September- Melbourne

2 September- Adelaide

5 September- Brisbane

Ticket available here:

You can help support me in producing this ridiculous nonsense I churn out on a regular basis. I aim to keep as much of my stuff on this site and available to everyone and not behind paywalls.

Find out more here:


Dam Buster of Preston

Aug 28, 2018

Don't worry I am sure the scalpers.... i mean the ticket re-sellers will be have plenty of tickets available


Aug 28, 2018

You ought be knighted for the headline alone.

Kafka’s Ghost

Aug 28, 2018

I believe Ticketek are using an off-loaded mainframe discarded by NSW Health, or maybe Transport for NSW...,. The meltdown of the latter system thwarted all attempts to travel to Homebush a couple of weeks ago, so Ticketek obviously thought they were on to a good thing if causing as much disruption as possible is the aim.


Aug 28, 2018

Title was pure gold

Tickled Pink

Aug 28, 2018

‘Alleged’ ticket company!!! Gold!!!


Aug 28, 2018

“After several heroic attempts by me of turning the computer off and on...” Simply marvellous.


Aug 29, 2018

Ticketek is a licence to print money, not a licence to print tickets.


Aug 29, 2018

It's kind of annoying to be on the email list, but to find that to keep reading each article you have to click through to the website and all that. Then, when you get to the website, a big ad for the mailing list takes over the screen. Dude, you should know that I just clicked through to the website from your email. Don't ask me to sign up to your mailing list when the only reason I am reading your article is because of the mailing list.


Aug 29, 2018

Greedy. Wanted all the money in one day. Haha had to wait a day.

eHandling Fee

Aug 29, 2018

God this was so spot on... Ticketek is a blood-sucking parasite almost as bad as Murdoch and just as dated.


Aug 29, 2018

Try phoning them - you have less chance of getting through to them than winning lotto !!


Aug 30, 2018

Looking forward to seeing your show in Brisbane on Wednesday, Titus!


Aug 31, 2018

Good to see the man himself on the Front bar last night. Moving up in the world.

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