Sep 24, 2017
UN pass motion condemning clash jumper decision
A resolution calling for the abolition of clash jumpers in the AFL was formally adopted today by the U.N. General Assembly.
The passage in a plenary vote followed the nonbinding motion’s approval by the assembly’s First Committee on AFL issues on Saturday.
A four-hour speech by Kevin Bartlett to the General Assembly is believed to have gotten potential no voters, Russia and China across the line, just to get him to stop speaking.
As a result, the resolution was backed by all 193 countries, the first time every member country has approved a resolution since the UN’s condemnation of Cameron Ling’s special comments back in August last year.
The resolution calls for the AFL to ‘allow Richmond to wear its traditional jumper in this year’s Grand Final and to ban forever the use of the marketing gimmick that are clash jumpers’.
United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres said the AFL’s ruling that Richmond must wear a clash jumper in the Grand Final was a clear ‘breach of human rights’.
“There’s not even a clash!” Mr Guterres angrily told the assembled world media, “It’s not like if you’re wearing a Tigers jumper, you could melt into a group of Crows supporters like you’re the alien in Predator.”
“The pointlessness of this decision was the only thing I’ve been able to get North and South Korea to agree on in my entire time here.”
“The AFL’s stance would obviously ruin any premiership victory, to the point I’m sure Tigers fans wish they hadn’t even made the Grand Final.”
AFL General Counsel Andrew Dillon said the AFL did not recognise the authority of the UN and reserved its right to make crazy decisions whenever the mood takes them.
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