With the amazing history and tradition of the Big Bash League (BBL), it’s easy to forget Australia’s favourite sporting competition is only in its third season.

Why the enormous success? Easy, it’s the incredibly authentic teams invented by marketing people who don’t watch cricket.

Let’s review their sterling work. Every team blurb is from each team’s website and is unedited (really, check).

Hobart Hurricane

Blurb: We are Hobart’s newest and most dynamic team who [sic] have swept into town bringing a new dimension and level of excitement to Twenty20 cricket. We may be a small city but our pride and rugged passion to succeed will destroy any opponent who wishes to come in our path. "Hurricane House” will be absorbed by a wash of purple passion that has blown across the river to our city’s neighbouring suburbs. So be proud, heroic and spirited and be part of the purple revolution because Nothing Hits You Like a Hurricane.

Review: Wow. Just wow. The coke session that developed this must have been amazing. Never have so many people with ponytails worked so hard to deliver such drivel.

To begin, this team delivers a new ‘dimension’ to Twenty20 cricket. I hope it’s a dimension where this sort of nonsense seems good.

Now, between us, I have no idea what they mean by ‘rugged passion’. Sounds like a dig at Tasmanian fashion.

Of course threatening to ‘destroy any opponent who wishes to come in our path’ is both terrible English and a nod to the “Hurricanes”’ name. This was obviously in honour of all those hurricanes we always hear about in Tasmania.

The bit about ‘a wash of purple passion that has blown across the river to our city’s neighbouring suburbs’ sounds both distasteful and like bad erotica.

Lastly, I’m not sure what they mean when they urge Tasmanians to be part of the ‘purple revolution’.

A quick Google search raises the likely possibilities of the end of Saddam Hussein's governance in Iraq and the coming of democracy to the nation or a Prince tribute band based in Toronto, Canada.

Perth Scorchers

Blurb: Its [sic] a long way to Perth and a long way home. Its a journey that not many people from the East coast make, and we kind of like it that way. The orange we wear reflects the energy of our city – as well as the colour of the setting sun over the ocean every evening, it reflects the orange of the Nullabor that separates us from the rest of Australia, and makes us so fiercely independent. We wear this orange as a badge of honour.

Review: Who likes orange? A lot? Besides the Dutch of course.

Apparently, it’s the good people of Perth according to a bunch of marketing people in Sydney.

You can just see the marketing team here. They’ve been told the team will have an orange uniform and they just go for it. Slight problem, it seems no one in the team has ever been to Perth.

I imagine the meeting went like this:

Annoying Marketing Person: So, what do we know about Perth?

Even More Annoying Marketing Person: I think they really hate people like us.

Annoying Marketing Person: That’s good, let’s harness that.

Even More Annoying Marketing Person: It’s even a nod to the high English population and their protestant history.

Annoying Marketing Person: Yeah, we’re not using that. Let’s go do cocaine in the bathroom.

Sydney Thunder

Blurb: Sydney Thunder will give their all. “Your Team” is keen and hungry for success and will be working hard to ensure their performances make you proud. Get behind Thunder, the Team in your backyard and we’ll see you at ANZ Stadium this summer.

Review: So this one was obviously done last and everyone just wanted to go home.

This is obviously from the ‘bland but factual’ school of writing. I had to read it a few times as I kept nodding off. Suddenly, I crave the drug-fuelled crazy of the Hobart Hurricanes.

My favorite bit in this is the complete lack of bravado. The Thunder will ‘be working hard to ensure their performances make you proud.’ It’s like a kid with a distant father.

I also like the fact that “Your Team” is in inverted commas. We know it’s not really your team; it’s just a team. A team which is keen and hungry. Apparently.

Melbourne Renegades

Blurb: The Melbourne Renegades represent modern Melbourne – vibrant, diverse and progressive. We have a healthy streak of anti-establishment and we play out of a non-traditional cricket venue, Etihad Stadium. The Renegades deliver entertaining, bold cricket in this world-class facility, where the rafters shake with the noise and passion of the fans. T20 was made for the Renegades.

Review: Great. Truly great. Where do I start?

If you call yourself anti-establishment, you almost certainly aren’t. It’s hard to know who the Renegades are renegading against.

Is it KFC? Or do they want to overthrow Australia's democratic system of government and replace it with some form of communism.

Oh my god! They’re cricketing communists and they want to destroy our society from within.

And so, they’re progressive. Whaaat? Do they want free range leather on the cricket balls?

Lastly, they say the ‘the rafters shake with the noise and passion of the fans.’ I’m assuming they mean the 13,000 of them in a 56,000 capacity stadium.

Sydney Sixers

Blurb: There is nothing like a summer in Sydney with its spectacular harbour and teeming nightlife. And now, the Sydney Sixers are part of the scene. The sporting hub of this vibrant city, the SCG will be the place to be when the Sixers are lighting up the town in the KFC Big Bash League. T20 cricket is fast and fun and that’s exactly how the Sixers will be playing it.

Review: What is it with the Sydney teams? This is just boring nonsense, unlike the rest which is crazy, magnificent nonsense.

Adelaide Strikers

Blurb: It’s time for BBL | 03 and the Adelaide Strikers are lining up to take on their rivals.

Get ready for another big hitting, fast paced season with a blend of local and international talent set to do Adelaide proud.

Captain Johan Botha will lead the Strikers as the team play hard for a place in the KFC T20 Big Bash League finals.

Review: This is as factual as the Sydney teams. Not like Adelaide to be boring.

Melbourne Stars

Blurb: The Stars are out to shine and with the MCG as their home, they’ll be bringing some of the best and brightest to play. But tradition won't hold them back as they aim to write their own history, creating a bright future for tomorrow’s stars.

Review: I’m very heartened to hear the Stars aren’t going to let two years of tradition ‘hold them back.’

Apart from that, this gets full marks for forcing in as many references to stars as you could possibly hope for.

Brisbane Heat

Blurb: Back to Back in BBL|03! That's the simple target for the Brisbane Heat in the wake of their stirring championship win last season. There's a flame burning deep in the soul of every player that will ignite in the heat of battle this summer. Brisbane is a vibrant, energetic, fun-loving city, as are the Heat players and their coaches, and they are committed to taking the game on at all times and never playing safe. They were the surprise packets in BBL|02, but will not let that be their only moment of glory.

Review: Can you remember where you were when Brisbane won their stirring championship? Me neither.

One thing to remember though is there’s ‘a flame burning deep in the soul of every player’ which is probably from eating too much KFC.

It’s good to know the players and coaches are a ‘vibrant, energetic, fun-loving city’ according to the blurb. Which now I come to think about it, makes absolutely no sense.