This Friday, a pink ball will be used in the test between New Zealand and Australia, an act which threatens to single-handedly destroy the masculinity of the Australian cricket team.
Friday’s test isn’t some charity event either, it’s been done because this test will be partially played at night and the batsman are demanding to be able to see the ball.
The danger is immense. Everyone knows that pink is a girls’ colour and contact with it can instantly lower testosterone or worse, transfer girls’ germs, for which there is no known cure.
How did it get to this? Australian cricket is one of the last bastions of hyper-masculinity, a safe place for those of us who liked the 1950s just fine.
It’s the one place where men grow moustaches year round, commentators crack sexist jokes on national TV without sanction and where women are kept out of sight and out of mind, until we need someone to blame for a loss.
Into this sanctuary comes this pink globe, spinning its oestrogen everywhere and on everything.
It’s the biggest threat to the game since Channel Nine briefly pretended it would let a woman into the commentary box.
What’s next? Members of the Australian cricket team developing socially progressive views? Channel Nine commentators reflecting fifty years of social progress?
We all might as well watch Channel Ten’s Big Bash League coverage and just admit society is doomed.
Perhaps we should not be surprised the the collapse of society would begin in Adelaide but it doesn’t make this any less alarming.
COMMENTS
MixWixPix
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily And we've already had a Royal Commission into Pink Bats!
Upuspupus
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily on the contrary!!! clinkercup connectgolf
Andrew Johnston
Nov 26, 2015
One of your best Titus
bw_youngy
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily brill!!!
YazJudd
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily jamesjpeters27 feminism
Brad Dight
Nov 26, 2015
Danitellie Nick Glenn Oakley Robert Cranmer it might help you rob.
Tom_Burns
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily just like facts have no place in organised religion
caudullo19
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily Jane mcgrath day scg show us ya pink bits
clownassasin
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily that would mean that snooker is snookered #pinkball
MattPLeahy
Nov 26, 2015
TitusOReily finally, someone says it. Well done Titus
Matt McLean
Nov 26, 2015
Wow, quality banter
Mark Prokopiwskyi
Nov 26, 2015
Feminists will get around this I'm sure. (y)
Matt McLean
Nov 26, 2015
I'm sure they really appreciate the work of the great Titus O'Reily
Rory Oldman
Nov 26, 2015
Ah, Titus, bringing a common sense approach to the game ! What next ? Coloured uniforms.......oh, wait !
Malcolm Makkinga
Nov 26, 2015
Put a pink ball on the ground and no one cares. Do it with a beach ball and everyone loses their minds.
Penny Beitzel
Nov 26, 2015
The rot set in when Michael Clarke refused to match David Boon's 52 cans of beer record on a flight to London to play in the Ashes, and ordered a Fluffy Duck instead ........
JohnBiddle
Nov 26, 2015
Someone else has mentioned the pink ball hasn't done much harm to that most masculine of sports, snooker. Most masculine since you can drink and smoke to your heart's content while playing and happily heft your 130kgs plus around with barely an effect on your game.
Judy Hocking
Nov 26, 2015
If there was a good bowler they'd be black. Not pink.
Billious
Nov 26, 2015
Have always enjoyed a bit of pink but has no place on the outside of leather even shaped as a ball.
Anton Beardybeardbeard Heyneke
Nov 26, 2015
This test could be a prequel to The Walking Dead.
Billious
Nov 26, 2015
Can see it now the baggy pink worn by macho men in pink micra outfits with matching pink lippy running after a pink ball. Such a sweet sight to behold.
miamiaman
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily agree am opposed 2 this homosexualist pink ball agenda its bowl a maiden over not bowl an Aiden over
rastij
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily what about womens cricket? womens hockey?
luke_ablett
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily this is very good
deniedskies
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily am not opposed to d/n test but I'm fairly sure they could have chosen a better colour.
Waverley73
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily male snooker players are currently fuming as well as slightly confused at your headline
luke_ablett
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily although based on the comments, maybe some people have missed the joke
TitusOReily
Nov 27, 2015
luke_ablett That's often my favourite thing about these things.
al_field
Nov 27, 2015
TitusOReily don't tell snooker players that #outrage #theywillhaveapot
Zac Delmenico
Nov 27, 2015
I'll review it today and et back to you
Anton Vizzari
Nov 27, 2015
Not that you'll be in any state to see the thing anyway
Stej Bosnjak
Nov 29, 2015
At least we can blame the pink ball when we lose