Nov 22, 2017


Football Federation Australia appoints Twitter as new Socceroos coach

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In the wake of the shock resignation of national coach Ange Postecoglou, the FFA Chairman Steven Lowy has announced that Twitter will now take over coaching duties.

“It has become apparent to me in recent months that the collective wisdom of Twitter is far better than any single coach,” said Lowry, “the people on there seem to know everything and are never wrong.”

“What we need now is a calm hand on the tiller, and there is no calmer group in the world than Australian football fans on Twitter.”

FFA chief executive David Gallop said the organisation would use a combination of Twitter polls and online sentiment to make decisions regarding selections, substitutions and even who should take penalties and free kicks.

“This idea is great. The fans won’t be able to blame us anymore and can hardly call for their own sacking. While the current board and executive are likely to not even be around in a few weeks, so this will be someone else’s problem,” said Mr Gallop.

“Think of it as a parting gift to the football community.”

Reaction on Twitter has been broadly positive. Twitter user @Sydneyisblue said the countless hours spent playing FIFA manager mode was ‘all about to pay off’.

While Twitter handle @Wengerout2374 tweeted that coaching the national team was a great honour, before going on a 43-tweet rant about how the team shouldn’t be called the Socceroos because it’s ‘football’ not ‘soccer’.

This then descended into a vigorous debate amongst numerous accounts about whether the Sydney FC ball boy deserved what he got, which is now trending and getting slightly off topic.

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